A Class Act
by The Sketchywallflowr
Summary: It's everything we love about fanfictions romance, angst, shipping and slash! Who gets paired, who gets dumped, and who gets Jayne? Some language may apply. And guaranteed sex.
1. Chapter 1

"Aw, come on, Mal, why me?"

"Cuz she ain't gonna believe it comin from me."

Jayne was sulking above Mal's head on the walkway above the storage area, his combat-booted feet dangling casually. "She ain't gonna believe it from me, either," he protested. "Less than from you, at least."

"See, that's the beauty of the plan," Mal explained, looking up to Jayne with his hands on his hips. "From me, she'll see I'm just tryin to lift her spirits. If you can make it sound sincere, it might make her feel better."

"Come on, Jayne," Zoe coaxed, seating herself beside him. "We're not asking you to do brain surgery. Just say something nice to one of your crew mates."

He scowled. "She ain't gonna buy it."

"Look," Mal called up, frustration dancing at the tip of his words, "it ain't that hard. Just tell her she looks pretty."

"You want me to lie to her? How's that gonna help her ego?"

"You ass," Zoe said simply, looking down to Mal with exasperated eyes.

"Jayne," Mal snapped, "you're really trying to push all my buttons tonight. All I'm askin of you is to tell Kaylee she's pretty, it ain't that hard a request!"

_"Why?" _

"Because! And that's an order!"

Jayne looked to Zoe for sympathy that certainly wouldn't be there. "She ain't gonna buy it," he told her.

"She will if you say it like you mean it!" Mal called up. "Look, since her and the doctor didn't pan out for her, she's been real down. We're hoping to make her feel better tonight, and you might just be a little more helpful in that aspect, understand?"

"I don't see why I gotta treat her so different, I knew she and that high strung doctor didn't have a chance from the get-go."

"See, that's just the sort of thing _not_ to say to her tonight," Zoe said.

"Just give her some sorta compliment before she leaves," Mal instructed. "I don't care what it is, just as long as it's nice and try to sound sincere about it!" He stalked off impatiently- there was no way Jayne was gonna cooperate with this.

Zoe stood up wordlessly, but cast a meaningful look at Jayne before she left. All meaning of the look, however, was lost on the man. He didn't have the faintest clue what Zoe was glaring about.

"It ain't my fault she swung outta her league," he informed the boxes below. "What's she need a doctor for, anyway? What was she gonna do if she married him, spend all her time at stuffy parties dressed like a cupcake?" He smiled fondly at the vision of Kaylee in the poofy pink ensemble she had hanging in her room. She had looked ridiculous the first time she'd worn it, and she'd look ridiculous wearing it again. And it certainly wouldn't fit in with her husband's circle of friends. But, he supposed, that wasn't none of his business. He had to feed her little girly ego so she could go out and find herself another high class man she wouldn't be able to handle.

"Kaylee," he said, making a grand sweeping gesture with his hand, "You look fantastic." _Sound sincere, _Zoe's voice scolded him in his head. "Fine," he replied aloud. "Kaylee, you look nice." There hadn't been much conviction in his voice, but he could work on that. "Kaylee, you look nice. Even though I think our stopping on this planet so you can go out with Inara, who don't even live on the ship no more, is a waste of my time. But you look nice anyway." That wasn't gonna do it, but the sincerity had been there at least. Jayne chuckled to himself. She was probably gonna wear that cupcake, too, and he wasn't supposed to laugh at her. Women were baffling- he didn't need some girl telling him how nice he looked when he went somewhere. Why did they need so much assurance on everything?

* * *

After their tryst, when The Alliance had lost its interest in the Tam siblings (since they had some explaining to do about Miranda), Kaylee and Simon found life had become awkward between them. The sex had been good-really, really good- so that certainly wasn't the problem. As it turned out, sex had been the limit of their compatibility. They had been two friends walking on the gravels of sexual tension, and now that their appetites had been fed like two starving dogs, all they had left was a friendship walking on gravel. Simon had been the one to step forth with that truth and although Kaylee had agreed with him fully, in the eyes of everyone on board the blame of the breakup had been placed on his head. He'd accepted it dutifully, since Kaylee had a long standing friendship with the rest of the crew and Simon wasn't even sure there was anyone on board (save his sister) who genuinely liked him.

Everyone agreed it was for the best, Mal saying that inert-crew relationships were dangerous, and River assuring Kaylee that she was better off because her brother as finicky and he snored too loud even for outer space. Kaylee accepted all these comforts with a smile, but in the back of her mind she knew the real reason it hadn't worked- she wasn't good enough. Simon was all right for a friend, but really, he needed a high class girl. He had thought Kaylee was charming, sweet, and definitely a good lay. All those things only went so far. When it all came down to it, if Simon ever decided to leave Serenity he'd be going back to a world Kaylee couldn't hope to swim in. This had wiped about 80 of the sunshine out of Kaylee's disposition.

Zoe had contacted Inara the week before, since she could always find a smile on Kaylee's face. Inara had been with a client on a planet called Nitro, which had been three days from Serenity's coordinates. They were going to see Inara, and they were going to bring the good spirit back into Kaylee's eyes. Nitro was a 'new age' planet, filled to the brim with cities, bright lights and the latest technology. It was also home to Olympia, the most popular and prestigious night club in the entire verse. That was their destination-Inara, Kaylee, River (after much protestation from her brother) and Zoe (to keep an eye on River). It was a girls' night out.

Mal, Jayne and Simon were waiting by the exit for the female crew members to make their debut. The captain had agreed to the outing, although he didn't care much for the delay. There was possible work on Aarius for them, which had been a week away until they'd gone off course. He hadn't shared this information with Jayne, who'd have had a small tantrum about the whole ordeal. As it was, Jayne was leaning sulkily against a wall, his thick brow furrowed. He was sore because he'd been forbade to leave the ship so the girls could have a good time without any hindrance. He didn't care much about this club anyway- it was full of prissy boys and stuck-up girls who'd sooner slap him than give him a dance. What he did care about was the exciting night life that was crawling all over the city (namely the bars and brothels) that he couldn't partake in. It was gonna be a task saying something nice to Kaylee when he was scowling so hard.

Zoe was the first to emerge, dressed in her white formal dress- the same one she'd worn to Wash's funeral. Mal took this as a sign to the other girls that Zoe was not interested in finding someone that night. River trounced out after her, a pretty light blue sundress flowing off her curvy shoulders and down to her calves. Her dark tendrils spilled down her back in lazy ringlets, and her feet tapped softly on Serenity's deck. Low-heeled sandals replaced her usual combat boots.

"Kaylee looks weird," she informed everyone. Mal immediately looked to Zoe, who pursed her lips but said nothing. The three men's necks craned as they tried to see Kaylee emerging from the darkness.

The first thing they noticed were her legs, splendidly toned and white from their lack of exposure. As the light crept up her body, they saw she was not in the pink cupcake but a in a light, free flowing red dress. The neckline, if it could be called that, plunged somewhere in the depths of her navel. There wasn't much of a back to the ensemble, just two silk ribbons crisscrossing her lower back to ensure the outfit didn't fall off her completely. Her shoulders were almost bare, two thin straps contrasting the paleness of her skin. The cloth of her dress hugged her body tightly, either hanging on for dear life or molesting her.

Simon choked on his own breath, coughing a few times in the stunned silence. Mal and Jayne shared open mouthed gapes. Inara stepped out after Kaylee, her stunning chestnut gown and perfectly pinned chestnut hair going unnoticed for the moment.

"Inara," Kaylee gushed, "you really look beautiful."

"Me?" the companion laughed. "I'm not the one who silenced the room."

"Uh, Kaylee," Mal sputtered, finally finding his voice, "you look…uh…"

"Different, I know," she finished for him, blushing. She tossed her polished looking hair over her left shoulder. "I thought I'd try something different tonight."

"Different, yeah." Mal shuffled nervously. "Ah, Kaylee…" He scratched his head, looking away. "You sure you wanna… what I mean to say is, you know the kind of… _attention_ you're gonna attract?"

"Sure," she assured him. "I figure in this, I'll be attracting the kind of guys on my level, you know?" Her voice was cheery, but her eyes looked hurt and doubtful. Simon blushed and looked to the floor. Everyone else stood in the equally uncomfortable silence. Everyone except Jayne.

"Kaylee," he said, "Whoa. You look damn good."

She blushed. Jayne wasn't usually so sincere about things not gun or pay related. "Thanks, Jayne," she beamed.

Jayne turned to Mal. "You ain't gonna let her leave like that, are you?"

"He don't have a say!" Kaylee protested. "And you just said I look good."

"Yeah, you sure do. For one night only company."

"Jayne!" Inara hissed.

"What? If I saw her in that place looking like she looks, that'd be the first thing I'd think of. And that's what all those fellas will be thinking."

"That's fine!" Kaylee said defiantly. "Thank the verse you ain't coming, then! There are guys out there looking for more than a one time deal!"

"You ain't gonna find them looking like that."

"Are we ready to go?" Kaylee asked the girls, deciding the best way to keep her dignity intact would be to ignore Jayne from hereon in. "Because I'd like to go now."

"Yes," River said immediately. "I'm ready. Let's go!"

"Ah," Simon interjected, "I'm still not so sure you should-"

"Zoe's got her," Mal said over his shoulder, his eyes still on the mechanic. "No worry." As the women proceeded off the ship, he got a hold of Zoe's arm. "Make sure she don't get picked up," he told her.

Zoe was slightly offended he even had to say it. "Of course not. I'm watching her."

"I mean Kaylee."

"So do I." She rejoined the group and disappeared off the ship. There was a moment's peace, then all eyes turned to Jayne. He folded his arms, ready for whatever the captain would dish out this time. Mal turned to his laborer, trying to think of words worthy of the situation. He raised a hand (possibly for hitting), looked at Simon, then back to Jayne.

"Jayne," he said, his voice queerly flat, "Most counterproductive thing you coulda said."

"Really," Simon muttered.

"I ain't gonna lie to her," Jayne said, already bored with the topic. "Was that what you wanted?"

"You coulda shut up!" Mal snapped. "You coulda not said a damn thing!"

"You're the one who told me-"

"Didn't your ma ever tell you if you can't say something nice, shut the hell up?"

"No," Jayne lied sorely. _Yes. _His ma must've told him that a hundred times at least.

"You're such a child," Simon remarked.

Jayne pushed off the wall, puffing out his chest. "You wanna make something of those words, doc?"

"Back down," Mal said sharply. "He ain't the one on trial here, you are."

"Thank you," Simon said.

"Shut up, Simon."

Simon slumped, his momentary victory over Jayne quickly deflated. "Yes, sir," he muttered, deciding to take his leave and hide in the infirmary for the rest of the night.

Mal stared at Jayne, whose resolve never broke. "I didn't expect you to be much help in the situation," he confessed, "but I was sure hopin you weren't gonna be a hindrance." He walked off, shaking his head in disgust.

"She'll get over it," Jayne assured himself, tromping back to his room. He smiled faintly, picturing Kaylee in his head. She did look damn good, no doubt about it. Some good dreams tonight for sure. Still, the back of his mind was tinged with a small pain Jayne wasn't accustomed to, but what everyone else knows as guilt. She's seemed pretty let down when he'd told her the truth. _That she was pretty? _No, that's she'd only be considered for a one night stand. "Maybe she'll find herself another doctor," he mused to his gun rack. They, like him, were unconvinced. "Why does she need some fancy stiff doctor, anyway? Being well off don't make a man any more worthwhile."

He had to admit, though, she had looked damn good. Sweet dreams tonight.

Most of the way across the belly of Serenity, Simon was shuffling various medical nonsense here and there. He couldn't think what to do with any of it. Sort it? It had been sorted before he'd decided to mess with it. Throw it across the room? That sounded appealing, but then he'd have to clean it up later and that would bother him even more. Truth be told, he was downright annoyed with just about everything. As stupid as it sounded, he'd really enjoyed putting Jayne in his place. He liked having the captain on his side, someone other than just himself knocking Jayne off his high horse. Simon Tam was not one to get into pissing contests often, but when he did he took satisfaction in winning them. Mal had just about quashed his satisfaction this time. It hadn't only been Jayne bothering him, although he certainly helped. The root of the issue was his whole mess with Kaylee. He was the "bad guy", and he'd accepted that. But it hadn't actually been his fault, and no one would ever realize that. Kaylee had said herself things were bound to fizzle out eventually, and she was glad Simon brought it up because she was afraid to. Both of them knew they would never be more than just friends. So why had she taken it so badly when he was fine? Because, simply put, she was a girl. You could always count on a woman to complicate things. Kaylee had gotten the notion in her head that all men of Simon's stature were too good for her. He would have loved to put her mind at rest, assure her that it wasn't a matter of class at all. But he knew what would happen if he told her that. She'd look at him with watery eyes and say doubtfully "The why ain't we together?" And he wouldn't really have an answer for that.

Maybe it was time to move on. It'd been nearly six months since Miranda. The Alliance didn't care about him and his sister anymore. River had been sleeping much better lately, and sometimes Simon could actually see the girl she had been when they were kids. He couldn't deny that the crew played a major part in her recovery, but he worried that it wasn't the best atmosphere for her to be in. She would tell him she was old enough to make her own decisions (that had been the basis of the argument on tonight's outing), but she was still really impressionable. Raising her on a ship full of pirates (_Face facts, Tam, they're pirates_) wasn't his idea of being a good _parent _brother. Couldn't he do better for her? He had already failed her once- he didn't intend to do it again.

Back across the ship (not quite as far as Jayne's room), Captain Malcolm Reynolds was beating himself up. What was he thinking, trusting Kaylee's fragile emotions to the likes of Jayne? Why had he snapped at Simon? No matter how patient Mal was with anything, he still felt it was never quite enough.

Jayne. Why couldn't he have just left it at 'whoa'? That would've been perfect. Since when was Jayne so worried about honesty, anyway? Kaylee could decide for herself what was best. _If that's the case, _he lectured himself, _Why'd you ask Zoe to look out for her?_ Because like Jayne, he didn't want the girl's feelings to get hurt. Jayne might like to make the occasional jab at Kaylee's expense, but he was always quick to defend her. Didn't make him any less of an ass, though.

Simon. Oh, Simon. Mal was hard on the kid, he knew. But the boy had to learn that no matter how clever you are, toughness was the overall factor of the verse. Guts counted for more than brains. You had to have both, but the scale needed to tip the one way to be a success. Simon was a part of that class that didn't give a hoot for rough and tumble bravery. They were more impressed if you could take out a sword and slay your conflicts instead of getting down and dirty with them. He belonged to the class that sat high above the rest and watched the world beneath them _like Inara . _He shook Inara from his mind. That was one path he'd long since crossed and denied. No sense thinking about it now. Back to Simon. Simon was weak, soft. He wouldn't last long on this side of the verse without someone at his back. His sister might, she was a tough one. He wasn't sure how much was genuine and how much had been trained into her, but it didn't really matter. When and if River ever calmed her emotions, she'd probably make a fine member of the crew. He imagined she'd be a lot like Jayne, only prone to sudden psychic insights that would certainly be helpful. Strange as it was, Mal liked River. He liked Simon, too. _How much? _Enough. Simon was a good man, loyal, and probably wouldn't stir up much trouble now that the Alliance didn't want his head.

Seven hours passed until finally the females returned. Jayne had been rudely awaken by the captain, who'd kicked at his door until Jayne had yelled "I'm awake, damming!" then thrown a boot at the wall to prove it. Simon was at the entrance seconds after Zoe's call to board had come through. Malcolm and Jayne soon followed, Jayne stifling several loud yawns.

Zoe and Inara came first, seeming to be in good spirits. Mal's heart lifted- that was a god sign nothing had gone wrong. Kaylee and River stumbled in next, giggling like school girls. Kaylee's once glossy hair was seriously mussed and tied back with what appeared to be a cloth napkin. River was grinning widely and clinging to Kaylee, her bright eyes slightly out of focus. Simon scowled.

"River, are you drunk?"

She shook her head 'no'. "Yes," she told him, giggling.

He looked to Zoe. "Is she drunk?"

"Would appear that way," Zoe said smoothly.

"How…what…How could you let her do that?"

"I didn't have a say in the matter."

"Didn't have a… You were supposed to be watching after her!" He balled his fists angrily, knowing no one was going to take his side if he chewed out Zoe but wanting to just the same.

"There's no legal drinking age for this planet," she informed him. "So she was allowed to drink if she wanted. I'm not her babysitter. You told me to make sure she didn't get into trouble, and she didn't." Zoe waved her hand in River's direction, indicating the girl was in one piece. River hiccupped and giggled again.

Simon threw his hands up, obviously defeated. He couldn't do anything about it now, except not let her go out next time. "I'm not giving you anything for a hangover," he informed his sister moodily. "If you're old enough to be intoxicated, you're old enough to hug the toilet tomorrow."

"Kay," she said simply, swaying on her feet. Kaylee caught her and giggled.

Mal cleared his throat. "So, uh, Kaylee, how'd things go?"

"Oh, fine," she told him. "Met a nice guy named Oslo. He's an attorney. Don't know a thing about engines, but I told him I'd show him around Serenity sometime and get him acquainted." She smiled brightly with her mouth, but her eyes sang a different tune. Mal looked to Zoe, who gave him a face that clearly said something was awry.

"That's great, Kaylee," Mal said, trying to be encouraging. He'd ask Zoe about this Oslo fella later.

"Didja sleep with 'im?" Jayne asked groggily.

"No," Kaylee retorted matter-of-factly. "I told you there are nice guys looking for more than a night."

"I don't feel well," River said, right before she passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you sure?"

"Wow, in a place like that I'm really-"

"A date rape drug," Simon said incredulously. "I can't even believe this. Why did I let her go with you? I should've known something like this would happen."

"Will she be all right?" Zoe asked, her calm demeanor broken for once.

"Yes, she'll be fine," Simon fumed. "She'll be out all night, but fine."

"Oh, no!" Kaylee wailed, then started bawling. Her cries echoed out of the infirmary into the depth of her beloved ship. Inara put an arm around her, trying to soothe the weepy mechanic.

"Why would you let someone buy her a drink?" Simon shouted.

"No one did!" Zoe snapped. "She was with Kaylee all night. I figured she'd bought her own since they'd let her."

Simon ran his fingers through his sleek hair. "Kaylee," he said, forcing his voice to be steady, "did someone buy her something? Maybe she drank one she didn't remember ordering?" She cried harder in response.

"Honey, it isn't your fault," Inara said soothingly.

"N-no!" Kaylee blubbered. "That's not it! I mean, it is it, but it's not! She kept ta-aking_ my_ drinks!" She let out one final sob, then quieted some. "Oslo kept buyin 'em for me, and she kept takin some with that mischievous look she gets. After she took the first one when he'd gone to get me another, she told me not to drink it. I figured she just wanted to keep me clear headed for the night. She must've known what he was doing, and she took it all for me. I don't even know how many he bought me. I shoulda listened to her. She's always knowing about stuff like this."

_Told you so _very nearly jumped out of Jayne's throat and into the silent room. Well, he had told her so, hadn't he? But that funny pang known as guilt forbade him from kicking Kaylee while she was down, so he bit his tongue.

No one knew what to say. Kaylee had pulled herself together and was doing her best to straighten up. She had a look of sad determination on her face that didn't sit well in Mal's stomach.

"Guess, you were right, Jayne," she sniffled. "I ain't good for anything but just one night." She left, and Jayne hung his head. Now he knew it was guilt that was bugging his head. He didn't need anyone to tell him this was all his fault. There was a difference between setting someone straight and stomping all over their ego He'd meant to do the first but had succeeded all too well on the latter.

* * *

Kaylee didn't come out for breakfast that morning, or for any other meal that day. She spent her time in the engine room, greasing joints and singing to her ship. They were sweet and low songs of a lullaby nature. This baffled her crew mates completely. 

"She's faking it," Mal concluded. "She's not letting on how down she feels."

"I don't think so," Zoe countered. "She's never been one to hide her emotions. Besides, what are the odds she actually believes Jayne was right?"

It was at that moment, as Mal drank down the last of the grit that Serenity called coffee, that Kaylee and Jayne happened into the kitchen.

"You ain't listening to a damn word I say!"

"Jayne, I agreed with you! I'd think you'd be happy that you were right."

"No, no," he said, shaking a finger at her, "That's female code for 'You're a jackass'. You didn't agree with me, you…" he paused, thinking of the best way to put it. "You set me up."

She laughed out loud, grabbing the pitcher of water from the cooler. "I did what now?"

"Set me up! So everyone can feel sorry for you because you've had a hard run and they'll all be thinking 'That Jayne'," he declared, jerking his thumb at his chest, "what a nasty guy for hurting Kaylee so.' Well I ain't gonna let it be that way!"

"Jayne," she said, now genuinely concerned, "I'm not trying to make you look like the 'bad guy'. What you said is true- men only want me for one thing. I'm okay with that."

"No!" he shouted. "That ain't what I said at all! What I said was that with the outfit you had on, no one was gonna want more from you than one night because that dress didn't show the _real you_. If you walked into that same place looking like you do right now, that Oslo fella wouldn't think twice about you because he'd know you were way outta his radar. But someone else, someone worth talking to, would wanna know you." He ran his fingertips through his very short hair. Honestly, it wasn't that hard an idea to grasp! "All I was saying was that you weren't being Kaylee last night, you were being some sexy girl at a night club that wasn't nobody worth takin serious."

She had stopped pouring her water and hung on every word he'd said, her jaw dropped ever so slightly. "You think I was sexy?" she asked.

"Well, I just… You…" He blushed deeply. Damn her. "You're missing the point entirely, little Kaylee. The point is you went out last night looking for a doctor but dolled up to attract guys like… well, me. No one to take serious." There, he'd said it. That'd been hard to get out there, what with all the words getting in the way. There were too damn many of them to pick the right ones.

Mal looked over to Zoe, whose face looked as impressed as he himself felt. "Why couldn't he have said _that_ last night?" he muttered from the corner of his mouth. She shrugged.

"I take you serious, Jayne," Kaylee assured him.

He rolled his eyes and hopped up on the table. "Again, not the point. See what I mean? You're only hearing what you wanna."

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'm listening."

"Well… now I'm done, I guess."

"Jayne, I don't know what to say. I'm real sorry that I took you wrong last night." She went over to him and hugged him tightly. "And that was just about the nicest thing I've ever heard you say to anyone." She kissed his cheek and skipped away, glass of water forgotten.

Mal and Zoe were staring at Jayne in silent wonder. "I know," he told them, looking after Kaylee. "Why couldn't I have said that last night."

* * *

River woke up groggy and sluggish, which she had grown used to a while ago when Simon had been trying different medications on her. She didn't like how the slowness of her limbs reminded her of those days. The light was too bright in the room, the mattress beneath her too hard. She was in the infirmary. 

"Simon?" she croaked, parched.

He was by her side in a second. "How are you feeling?"

"You're angry with me," she said, then "Thirsty."

"Angry, no." He handed her a small paper cup with water. "Not angry. More like…"

"Angry?"

"Okay yes, angry. That was a stupid thing you did last night. You don't do stupid things often, but last night you did and I know that you know better which is what angers me so much."

"He's married," she told him. "Oslo. Kaylee didn't know. She was gonna go with him if he asked her somewhere. If she'd been drugged, Inara and Zoe would've let her leave with him. If I was…" She trailed off, her throat hurting.

"They wouldn't have let you leave," he finished for her. "But what if someone had run off with you? I don't think Zoe was watching you very well."

"I don't need watching, Simon. I'm a big girl."

"No, you're my little sister. And apparently you do need watching because you could've gotten into a lot of trouble last night."

She looked at him thoughtfully, sipping from her cup. Finally, she said to him "You're angry because you're scared I don't need you anymore."

As usual, River knew exactly what he was thinking. But he would not concede on this one. "No, that's not it. I'm angry because you were drunk and drugged and it scared me to death." He stood up and turned away from her- her eyes were too much to look at right now. "You should rest some, you had a heavy dosage of that stuff. I'll be in my room if you need something."

River wiped sweat off her brow and watched her brother leave. He had never left her alone in the infirmary before.

Simon paced his room. Okay, so maybe she had been right. Now that she was getting better, why did she need him? She could obviously hold her own. Truth be told, what she'd done for Kaylee had been quite clever because there was no way she would've been allowed to leave with some stranger, even by force. The situation as he saw it was this: Simon Tam, doctor for Serenity. Simon Tam was the cause of Kaylee's recent pessimistic disposition, indirectly to blame for the incident last night. Simon Tam was also disliked by everyone on the ship, and those few that had liked him now probably did not because of Kaylee. Simon Tam, brother of the year who risked life and limb to get his sister out of a torture chamber and now she no longer needed him. And even at her craziest, River had always been more than Simon could ever hope to be. He didn't want to admit it- blatantly refused- but he was jealous.

Maybe it was time to leave. And maybe River wouldn't be coming this time.


	3. Chapter 3

Jayne scratched his head, looked to Kaylee (who shrugged) then scratched his stubbled chin. "Cupcakes?" he said skeptically.

"That's what I'm told," Mal said. "Movin 'em from Aarius to someplace called…" He looked at his paper of notes and smirked. "Bakersville."

Zoe was beside the captain, her face straight although she wanted very badly to say something snarky. It was times like these she really missed Wash, because he _would_ have said something. Kaylee sat beside Zoe, Jayne across the table from her. River was sitting backward on the chair beside Jayne, one of her feet propped up on the mercenaries' thigh. He hadn't taken too kindly to that at first, but she'd given him a patented 'I'm not scared of you' looks so he just sulked and let it be.

"Cupcakes?" Jayne said again. "Just plain old cupcakes?"

"From my understanding, that's the way it is."

"With frosting?" River asked.

This was too much. Zoe burst forth from her impartial state and laughed out loud. "Frosting," she chuckled. "I can't believe you agreed to this job."

"We need pay, and baked goods ain't gonna put the Alliance back on our tails. I figured this was a pretty shiny deal."

"I don't trust it," Simon said quietly.

"Didn't ask you," Jayne muttered grouchily. He was still sore the doc's sister was using him for a foot rest.

"Hush," Mal scolded. "What don't you trust?"

"This ship is pretty notorious in the trading world as, uh…Well, as a ship not afraid to take on shadier jobs. Why would these people have specifically contacted you for a shipment of cupcakes?"

"I don't rightly know," Mal told him, not alleviating his wariness any. "But a job's a job and we need to eat. I'm getting sick of hardtack."

"Didn't they outlaw the making of hard tack a hundred years ago?" Zoe asked, quirking her smooth eyebrow. "When the decided it wasn't fit for human consumption?"

"Wait, we've been eating _hard tack_?" Jayne asked incredulously. "I thought the corn biscuits had gone stale!"

"They use it for cow feed and sometimes as insulation on lower income planets," River informed them cheerily.

"I been eating house makings?"

Kaylee giggled. "Aw, it's not so bad with syrup to soften 'em up a bit."

"Sugar and water," River told her. "It's not real syrup. We ran out last month, so I made some sugar and water mixture."

She made a face. "Eww."

"You can hardly taste them if you drink a pint of coffee afterward," Simon said. "Or…" He looked at his sister. "That _is_ coffee, isn't it?"

"Do you want to know?"

"I don't think so," he admitted.

Mal grimaced, eyeing his empty coffee mug. "Anyway," he said, trying not to think of the possibilities of what River had substituted the coffee grounds for, "we're gonna be on Aarius within the next few hours so everyone get ready to move out. Kaylee I want you in the engine room this time, she's been making odd noises and I don't want to get stuck on a cupcake planet. Jayne, light on the artillery. _Light_," he emphasized, knowing light for Jayne was a good three guns and a large boot knife. "Doc, unless you feel to get supplies or something, stay on board. River, you're coming with me." All eyes snapped to attention in the captain's direction.

"Sir?" Zoe said skeptically.

"Wait, why are we takin _her_?" Jayne wanted to know.

"Man power," Mal told them. "We're gonna need some help loading them up, and since she won't be needed for flying at the moment, I'm enlisting her. Any problems here?"

Zoe said nothing. Jayne scowled something fierce, but folded his arms and kept quiet. Simon piped up immediately.

"You have Jayne and Zoe for man power," he protested. "If you need more, why not take Kaylee? Or me?"

"Because I ain't," Mal said sharply, his eyes daring Simon to question him again. "I'm taking River and that's all I'm gonna say on the matter." He tossed his steel coffee mug into the greasy sink. "Move out," he commanded as he stalked out of the room. Everyone moved out.

Zoe managed to catch up with Mal somewhere near the cockpit. "Sir, we don't need man power for this mission. Why are you bringing River?"

Mal looked around, assuring himself they were alone. "I think the doctor's right- this feels like a setup. We might need backup."

"Isn't that why we have Jayne?"

"They're gonna search Jayne the moment he steps onto flat ground. Now you know what River can do, you saw her at Miranda with them Reavers. If we get in a pinch, she'd be just what we need to un-pinch it, see?"

"Genius," she said without much conviction.

"'Sides, I gotta see if I can trust her out in the open if she's gonna be a member of my ship."

"I'll trust your judgment, like always, captain."

* * *

The captain was talking business and that was boring as anything. Mal was wary of these people, she could tell instantly. He needn't be, though, since these men were harmless. Since he, Zoe and Jayne were in no danger of an ambush, River slipped away and walked the quiet grounds of the compound. Aarius was the last of the polygamist planets. It was peaceful enough, quiet and well manicured. The people were generally friendly, greeting River with warm smiles as she passed them. Husbands walked the streets with two women on their arms, and wives often had three husbands carrying groceries home from the town square for them. On Aarius, polygamy wasn't limited to one man and many women. Everyone married everyone here, which was part of the reason polygamy had gone up in smoke in so many places. After only a few decades, there was hardly anyone left in a town that wasn't related to everyone else in some way. Incestuous marriages and children ran rampant, increasing birth defects and infant deaths. Hardly any newcomers stayed long enough to marry into the tangled web of family.

Playing beside the stream that ran through town, there were seven children playing in the filth of the murky banks. River decided to join them, sine it had been far too long since she had felt like a child in a good way. All too often she felt like a child in the sense that she needed someone to look after her- Simon, the crew, sometimes Serenity herself. As independent as she thought herself to be, River knew that since she'd gone to school she was anything but. It would be nice to get some of that back, even if only for the few minutes she could play in the mud.

The children greeted her eagerly, their manners impeccable but genuine. The hem of her dingy yellow skirt was turning a gross green from the icky water, but it almost suited her current outfit- the skirt and a pea green sweater that hung off her shoulders loosely and a stained white men's tank top she'd stolen from Jayne the night before. River dug her hands right into the muck, taking pleasure in the simple coolness of its wetness. She helped the boys make a mud pile that vaguely resembled someone's house while answering the girls' questions about her strange attire. One small child in particular watched her very closely, not saying a word. Someone's mother called from a distance off, her voice softened by the wind that carried it. All the children trekked through the stream to wash themselves off as bit before reporting back to their various homes. The small boy stayed with River. She stood up, as did he. She walked out of the mud, as did he. She looked deeply into his eyes, and he did the same in return. She was facing a small forest with the stream (which the town considered a major river) behind her. The boy was facing the river, the forest looming at his back. He was a tiny thing, with small pointed ears, a sharp face and slender limbs. He couldn't have been any more than three. His clothes were plain, much more simple than the other children's had been. His feet were bare.

"River," he said to her, his dull green eyes wide.

River studied him a moment, surprised and unsure. Finally, she said "Forrest."

* * *

"Nice of you to take a vacation on the mission," Mal remarked, dragging a crate of baked goods onto the ship.

"You didn't need me," River told him, using the cart to wheel in the last crate. "They weren't going to ambush."

"Uh huh." He wiped the sweat from his brow and leaned against a stack of cupcake crates. "What'd you do, go play in the mud?"

"Yes." She didn't seem to have much more to say on the topic, since as soon as she'd dumped her cargo she scurried off somewhere. Mal shook his head. She was really helpful when you could get her to sit still more than a minute.

Serenity took off without a hitch. Mal had been right- something was off in Serenity's engine. Kaylee had scolded herself quite a few times about not noticing the problem before. She had been distracted, what with having a plummet in her self esteem for a while. That was no excuse to neglect her best friend, though. She apologized to the ship profusely, who gave her its acceptance readily.

Jayne poked his head into the engine room. "Kaylee?" he called, looking about.

She peeked up from behind the giant box of spare and broken parts. "Hi!" she said brightly.

"Food's on."

"Thanks." She smiled at Jayne, who nodded and turned to leave. "Hey, Jayne?"

He stopped. "Yeah?"

"I just…" She stood up, brushing some of the dust off her overalls. "I just wanted to thank you. About what you said the other day." She grabbed a greasy towel to wipe her hands on and approached the burly man in the doorway. "It was the nicest and most unexpected thing someone's said to me in a real long time. And… I didn't mean to make you think you was bein a jerk for telling me the truth. Now that I think about it, I don't know what I was thinking with that dress." She smiled a little bit, which made Jayne smile as well.

"Aw, well, weren't nothing, little girl. Just didn't understand why you'd dress like that looking for respect."

"I don't know. But… thanks." She hugged him tightly, catching him off guard. She had a way of doing that. He hugged her back loosely, unsure what in hell she was actually thanking him for. The compliment, or the honesty? Did it matter? _Kaylee in the short red dress, neckline plunging and her breasts were nice and round from all that heavy lifting, oh what a sight. _He held the hug a bit longer, not honestly wanting to push the idea from his head because it was an awful good sight _because her smile is beautiful _but he let it drop before she did.

"Food now?" he asked, trying to hide his discomfort in the genital area.

"Absolutely. You think captain'll let us have some of those cupcakes?"

"Cupcakes?" he asked, slinging an arm around her shoulders. "I thought they were all little Kaylee dresses."

Supper was sparse, as it usually seemed to be. "I'm confused," Zoe announced. "Didn't we just get paid? Why didn't we buy food on Aarius?"

"Because they don't sell food on Aarius," Mal informed her, scooping some frozen peas (some still frozen) onto his meal plate. "They farm it all, and times are tough so they can't exactly sell us what they need for themselves."

"I have something for everyone," River interrupted, who was standing in the doorway. Simon put down his fork- when River 'had something', it seemed to be something worth forgetting food for. She nodded to someone behind the door, motioning for them to step forth. A small boy with sun bleached blonde hair, green eyes and freckled skin stepped into the kitchen holding a shallow box full of bread and tin cans. He walked forth with it and placed it on the table, then ran back to River and hid his face in her skirt. "It's bread and canned vegetables," River explained. "Some of the town women gave them to me."

"Damn the food," Mal said, "why the hell is that kid on my ship?"

"His name is Forrest, and he's coming with us."

"Since when do you get to make executive decisions like that?"

"That's what they traded me for the food," she said. "There's more of it in my room. They said if I took him, they'd feed us until we got to the next planet."

"Who said this?"

She looked down at the little boy sadly. "His mom."

Jayne, who was chewing on a piece of hard tack despite himself, decided to have his say. "Didn't it occur to you that if his mama didn't want him, had to pay to get rid of him, then he probably ain't worth having?"

"She wanted to save him!" River cried out, her voice near hysteria. "The entire town is burning to the ground tonight and she wanted him to get out."

"How would she know that?" Mal asked.

"Because it's her husband doing it. She said he thinks the town needs to be purged, and everyone in it burned so they can all be saved. She wanted Forrest to get out, he was the only child she could have."

"Listen, you," Mal fumed, tossing down his spoon, "This ain't no damn daycare for wayward souls. You and your brother is one thing, you both proved yourselves useful overall. There ain't nothing this kid can do for me and my crew but get underfoot! Next planet we get to, he gets off."

"No, he doesn't."

"You don't run things here!" he snapped. "You ain't got the last say!"

"If he leaves, I leave."

Mal turned on Simon. "Would you reason with her?"

"Me?" he asked, holding up his hands. "What makes you think-"

"She's _your_ problem, we agreed on that from day one, remember?"

He remembered. "River… you can't keep him. He's not a puppy, he's a person. Taking care of another person is a big responsibility." _I should know. _

"I'm not dropping him off on some planet for who knows what to take him." Her eyes were defiant. "If he goes, so do I." She regarded her brother, her face pleading with him to take her side like he always did. She needed him right now, and not in the childish sense. But what could he do? Mal would let them go. But he might as well try for broke.

"And if River goes, you're out a doctor." He looked Mal right in the eye, wishing immediately he hadn't said those words.

Malcolm was really, truly hurt and it showed. "After everything I've done for you. Both of you. After everything I've done, everything my crew has been through on your behalf, and you'd try and blackmail me like that?" He stood up from the table. "That ain't the way my crew works." He dismissed himself.

After Mal had gone, Forrest looked up from River's skirt. "Hoban doesn't want you to cry," he said looking right at Zoe, who blinked in confusion.

"What?"

"He's next to you."

Zoe turned her head, but there was no one. She looked back to the boy, then River. "What did you tell him?" she demanded. River shook her head.

"He's scared for you," Forrest continued in a small voice. "Every day he worries. And he doesn't want you to cry anymore at night."

Zoe stared at him for a long, long time. She seemed quite at a loss for words. Unable to think of anything to say, she left.

"Are you telling us you can see Wash?" Kaylee asked the little boy, fascinated. He shied away toward River again. "That's impossible," she said, looking up to River.

"Nothing's impossible."

"Wait," Jayne said, chewing on a piece of the bread from Aaruis, "so this one's crazy too? What, we got a sign sayin 'All nut jobs welcomed' painted on the side of the ship I ain't seen before?"

"He's not crazy, Jayne," Kaylee scolded lightly. "He's gifted. Like River."

"Not like me," River said. "He was born this way."

"He's adorable," Kaylee gushed. "Such pretty eyes, and his hair is so light! I hope Mal lets him stay."

"He ain't stayin, not if I have a say in things. Like captain said, this ain't no kiddie pound. Little brat'll just get us in trouble, just like you did."

River glared at him. "Mama told you once she was sorry you were ever born. You never forgot. You knew she meant it."

Jayne glared back. "You best be stayin out of my head, or I'll enter yours with a pickaxe."

"Hey!" Simon said.

"Fuck you and your witch sister," Jayne spat, bread crumbs spilling down his shirt. He stormed off, thunderclouds of angry thoughts rolling in his head. As Kaylee, Simon and River occupied the room, the awkwardness grew until it became near palpable.

"Well," Kaylee said with feigned brightness, "I'm back to the engine room, I suppose. Serenity's thrusters look like they're itching to cause me a few problems." She took her leave, grabbing a can of stewed carrots and a chunk of a baguette from the box.

"River, he can't stay."

"You just said he could."

"No, what I said was that if you were kicked off I would leave. But Forrest has to leave."

"I'm not giving him up, I promised his mother."

"You can't take care of a child," he said, a mite irritated. "You're not ready for that kind of responsibility. You're too young."

"Joan of Arc was 14 when she burned on the stake."

"Who?"

"She died for her religion. They thought she was a witch. She was burned for her God, like those people on Aarius will burn for theirs."

"Why didn't you tell someone that something was going to happen to them? If you knew they were in trouble, why didn't you say anything? We could have helped them."

"They're not meant to live. Forrest is."

"River… if Mal says no, then that's final. He's right- he's done too much for us to impose on him like this."

"He won't let you leave," she assured him. "And he won't make Forrest leave."

"Yes, he will."

"Tomorrow morning," she informed him. Her voice suddenly went quiet. "I'm taking him to bed," she said, stroking Forrest's fine hair. She led the little boy away to her bedroom, singing an ancient African chant softly.

Simon banged a fist on the table. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He had to talk with the captain, that was certain. What would he say? Malcolm had looked more than hurt by what he'd said earlier, and Simon couldn't blame him for that. Even if they worked something out, and Mal agreed Forest could stay (which Simon did not want him to), the boy would be _his_ responsibility. River couldn't even take care of herself, and she wanted to raise a child? Simon couldn't handle that. He loved his sister, loved her so very dearly. But how far was too far? How much was too much?

_I don't need watching, Simon. I'm a big girl._

River's voice bounced in his head. She had always been smart, so much smarter than he was. But they had always needed one another, they were a team. When had she suddenly decided he was obsolete? What Simon could not see was that River was just growing up, and he had been a caregiver to her for so long he couldn't handle not being needed for everything anymore. All he could see was her driving him out of his life little by little. When would it end? Who knew- but something was going to start now.

Mal paced his quarters, hands on hips. Damn doctor. Damn pilot. So much for not stirring up trouble anymore. What had gotten into the man's mind, using his medical knowledge as leverage? Serenity had survived without a doctor before he'd gotten there, and they'd do it again. Of course, life had gotten easier since Simon had been there, strictly medically speaking. They would have lost Kaylee that time if Simon hadn't been there to care for her. Of course, if Simon hadn't been there Kaylee wouldn't have been shot to begin with. That got him thinking- Simon had threatened to let Kaylee die if he didn't agree to protect his sister from the Alliance. Had Mal expected him to change so much? Yes, and with damn good reason. They had been through a lot together, and loyalty usually came with friendship. Simon and Mal were friends, weren't they?

There was knock on his door. "What?" he called up, annoyed that someone was interrupting his thinking. Simon climbed down into the room.

"I wanted to speak with you, if that's all right."

Mal waved an arm. "Come bearing another ultimatum?" he asked snidely.

"No, I came to set the ground rules for this Forrest thing."

"Ground rules?" He scoffed, offended. "When did I lose command of Serenity?"

"I'm not trying to say what my sister did was right," he began. "But she had good intentions on it, and really, isn't that what this ship is all about? Doing the right thing?"

"If this is a sermon, I got news for you- I didn't listen to the preacher, and I ain't gonna listen to you."

"I'm not preaching. I'm just trying to explain that her heart was in the right place." It was time to change tactics. "I know that we agreed that River is my responsibility, and I still stick to that. But this child isn't. This is River's problem, and if you have any issues with it, I'd like you to take it up with her."

Mal studied his doctor. "You're not sticking up for her this time?"

"No," he said, and he realized that this would be the first time he didn't back up his sister. "No," he said again, with more gusto. "She seems to think she's old enough to make decisions like this, so she can face the consequences. But know that if she has to leave, I will be going with her."

"Noted," Mal said, nodding. "Anything else?"

"And I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to belittle your kindness to us."

Now Mal was certainly surprised. "Again, noted," he said.

"Malcolm," he said, hoping that by using the captain's name the message would stick, "I really do appreciate everything you've done for us. We wouldn't have survived without your help."

"That's speaking a world of truths," he said, although he was pleased as punch. Maybe Simon wasn't so bad after all. _No, not at all, is he? _"No thanks is necessary, though. One hand washes the other. You're my crew now, and I'd give my life for you. I expect you to do the same for me." He held out his hand for Simon to shake, which he did.

"Thank you." Mal's hand was calloused, contrasting his own smooth touch. It sent an unexplainable chill down his spine. "Well," he said, withdrawing his hand quickly, "That's about it. Good night, then."


	4. Chapter 4

Serenity was up with the dawning of the day- relatively speaking, of course. Since there wasn't a sun to rise and alert the crew of a passing of a new day, the ship decided to wake them with enough turbulence to knock the brains right from their heads. Captain Reynolds was in the cockpit faster than anyone could blink to take the ship off autopilot and try and regain control. He could've let River do it, since she was in there right behind him, but he felt the need to take a hold on things today. Maybe it would make up for his feelings of no control about every other aspect of the damn ship.

"What happened?" River wanted to know.

"Something," he told her. "Just got here myself." He punched the intercom button. "Kaylee, what's the take on the engine?"

There was silence for a bit, then her groggy voice filled the airwaves: "Engine's fine, nothing amiss that wasn't last night. Maybe we hit something?" The field of vision lay clear ahead of them, so they hadn't passed into an asteroid field during their sleep.

"Trail comet," a sleepy little voice said. Malcolm turned the chair and saw Forrest at his pilot's side.

"What in the Tyen-ah is a trail comet?" Mal demanded.

"Deep space comet that trails any body with gravity."

"Any body with gravity… like a big 'ol clunky ship?" The boy nodded. "Kaylee!" Mal yelled, punching the com button again, "we're gonna need to make with the swiftness."

"Shiny, cap'n."

"River, go get Zoe and get her here five minutes ago, understand?" River saluted and dashed out of the cockpit, leaving Forrest behind with Mal. The little boy looked up to the captain with adorable wide eyes. Mal was less than impressed, but found the boy endearing despite himself. "How do you know about these comets, anyway?"

"School," the boy said shyly.

"You go to school? How old are you?"

"Five years, one hundred and fifty two days."

Mal nodded. "Shiny." He seated himself in the pilot's chair and swiveled around, waiting for Zoe.

"You can't outrun it, you know."

"Reckon I can, if it's all the same to you."

Forrest shook his head. "Tail comets look to orbit something. Faster your ship goes, faster the comet'll go and it'll hit it." It was then that Serenity lurched herself into turbo, kicking up all the space dust there was to be had. Mal was thrown back in his chair, and Forrest hit the floor butt first. He started crying.

"Nuff of that!" Mal scolded, grabbing the steering wheel. "Ain't no member of my crew allowed to cry in crisis." Forrest quieted, pathetic tears streaming down his face. "Good. Now get over here and strap in before you get yourself killed." Forrest did as he was told, buckling himself into the copilot's seat and touching the wheel before him with wonder. "Don't touch!" Mal scolded, slapping the boy's hand. Forrest sniffled. The ship was speeding along nicely, better than usual. He'd have to remind Kaylee to keep the engine just as it was now for the rest of eternity.

The ship jerked again, tilting to the right as though something had shouldered it against a wall. Sure enough, an enormous ball of rock came whizzing past, a tail of bright green and purple trailing long behind it. Mal had never seen a comet tail with such bright and unusual colors. They didn't look like something from nature.

"Some say trail comets are lost souls," Forrest said. "Souls that want to go back to being alive so they chase ships to try and get them back on a planet and find a body. But they're so angry, they destroy the ship most times and collect more angry souls to wander around with."

"Thanks for the briefing, kid, but I'm not one for myths."

"Really?" Forrest asked, sounding surprised.

"Yeah," Mal told him, although when he looked at Forrest he saw the kid was looking in the other direction, away from him. He turned back to the wheel- where were Zoe and River? The comet was making a sharp arc, heading back toward Serenity. This time, it looked like they'd be hit head on.

"We're losing fuel!" Kaylee yelled from the com.

"We might be losing more than that," Mal informed her and the rest of the ship. "Hang on tight and kiss your asses goodbye."

Forrest grabbed hold of Serenity's steering wheel and jerked it backward, sending the ship straight upward then into a back flip she was never made to do. Malcolm, taken wholly by surprise, gripped the arms of his chair and pressed himself against the back of his seat. He stared at Forrest with angry reverence. The boy flipped a few switches, pushed some toggles and twisted the wheel. Serenity started spinning on her side, making spirals as she shot forward straight for the trail comet. Mal was about to make a grab to the other wheel and straighten out the mess this kid had just caused when the boy's voice stopped him still.

"I am a leaf on the wind - watch how I soar."

Mal stared at him, his eyes wide and almost terrified. The comet came fast, and Serenity faster still. There was a moon looming in the not too far distance. With another jerk of the wheel, it became apparent that this was where Serenity was headed. She did another stomach-turning loop, and the comet zigzagged in an effort to follow. The boy could hardly see over the control panel, but he was nimble with the wheel and it didn't look like they were going to crash any time soon. The ship veered off to the right, the bright rocky moon surface glowing in what appeared to be either morning or dusk light. The comet trailed past the ship high on the left, then swung its way around again and kept its pursuit. Forrest straightened the wheel, leveling off the ship. They were coming into the atmosphere too fast, but Mal was still too shocked (and, truthfully, scared) to say much about it. Forrest broke the ozone with no hesitation, spiraling the ship again, this time to the left. The comet caught the tail end of Serenity, nicking off a small piece of her and shaking everyone again. The spiral turned into uncontrolled barrel rolls, then they were flying upside down. Several boxes, crates (oh shit the CARGO) and tools clattered to the ceiling. Forrest spun the wheel again, pulling with all his strength. At least now it was upright, although there would be hella mess to reckon with later.

The comet pursued fiercely, its bright colored tail streaking the sky like finger paints on a kindergarten desktop. Slowly, as the chasing duo made their way deeper into the atmosphere, small chunks of rock flew off the comet and hurled themselves suicidally down to the surface. Bigger pieces began to separate, until the comet was only three fourths its size. Then half. Then a third, and eighth, and finally a piece of space rock only the size of a basketball. Serenity no longer had the comet to worry about, but that didn't mean its problems had ended. She was coming down and coming down fast, tilting to either side then quickly jerked upright again. Forrest couldn't hold the wrenching wheel with his small hands, so Mal grabbed the one in front of him and eased the ship down to something that resembled more of a tumble off a bed than a landing. Several of the larger pieces of the trailer comet collided with the ground, shaking Serenity and denting the moon's surface. Then everything was still.

As always on heart attack landings, Mal forced himself to take two breaths to prove to his inner skeptic he was not in fact dead. After the reassurance, he turned to Forrest, who was crying again.

"That was scary," Forrest said timidly.

"Yeah," he admitted. "What was that you was sayin back there about leaves on the wind?"

"It's what he used to say to level himself," Forrest told him, then added as an afterthought "Stay away from his wife." Footsteps pounded the corridors, then Zoe and River came bounding in, breathlessly.  
Kaylee peeked her head out from her hammock, where she had twisted herself into something resembling a Gordian knot. The hammock spun and shimmied as Kaylee fought her way out, her hair tangling in a bit and ripping out. "Ouch," she moaned, once she'd freed herself. Hopefully there wouldn't be a bald spot. The engine steamed and hissed from its exertion. Serenity had probably never been worked that hard, and it would behoove them all to never work her that hard again. Aside from a few propeller shafts dented in the struggle and a leaky fuel line (that'd have to be fixed right smart), she was looking pretty golden. Kaylee patted the top of the engine lovingly. "Good girl," she cooed.

Jayne poked his head in, looking slightly green. "You all right, Kaylee?"

"Sure, Jayne, I'm okay. Think Serenity needs a break, though." She uttered a nervous giggle. "Rough landing, huh?"

"Nah, weren't so bad." He took a deep breath, the color of his face running away. "I puked," he admitted.

"I won't tell," she assured him, smiling.

"Tell what?" Simon popped in the door beside Jayne, looking haggard and terrified.

"Tell the cap'n Jayne weren't strapped in when he said so," she told him, smiling widely to cover the lie.

"Oh." Simon looked at Jayne. "You look awful."

"I just got tossed around my bunk," he said gruffly. "What's your excuse?" He stormed away to the cockpit, rubbing his churning stomach as he went.

Simon looked back to Kaylee. "I just…" he began, leaning into the room some. "I just wanted to see if you were okay. I know there's really no place to strap yourself down in here."

"That was sweet of you, Simon. No, I'm just fine. Had me worried a bit when we went upside down for a while, but other 'n that…" She smiled sheepishly. It was good to talk to Simon again, before sex had gone and ruined everything.

"Zoe, gimme my options."

"We're on a moon called Lot, about two days journey from where we were headed. There's a town not far from where we set down. It's big enough for supplies and rations, probably get some fuel."

"Good. What's it look like?"

She shrugged. "Looks like the place where we picked up Saffron, truth be told. Not too big, all sorts milling around. We should be relatively unharassed."

"First time or second time?"

"First."

Jayne raised his hand. "Can I say something here?"

"Would it be possible for you not to?" Simon muttered, unheard by everyone but his sister.

"Not to be disrespectful-"

"Never," Mal agreed.

"-but I just had some general questions about our landing this morning that I think everyone would like knowin. Like '_What in the fuck were you doing up there?'" _

"I'd kinda like to know," Kaylee added quietly.

"Lucky for you, that leads us directly into issue number two, which is the kid." Mal glanced at Forrest.

"Dump him," Jayne said immediately. "Sure someone here will take him. Maybe we can trade him for food."

"_No!" _River shouted forcefully, shaking the kitchen table.

"Shut it!" Mal ordered. River glared at him, but remained silent. "We ain't trading him for food. He ain't leaving."

"What?" Jayne protested. "We're keeping him? Are we gonna keep every runaway we find in the entire fucking verse?"

"Seems so," Mal said sternly.

"What happened to 'This ain't no daycare'? What happened to 'He gets off at the next planet'? Moon's good enough for me."

"Well it ain't up to you, is it?"

"Should be! Way you run things, soon enough there won't be 'nuff room in here to keep the engine!"

"Jayne, you'd best be getting out of this room right about now."

"Horse shit," Jayne grumbled, getting up from his chair. "Don't get paid enough for this happy crap." He stormed out.

"Right, now that that's settled, any other questions on the matter?" No one had any. "Good. Everyone, this is Forrest, newest crew member." Forrest buried his face in River's shoulder.

"We can keep him?" Kaylee asked, clapping her hands excitedly.

"Keep, no. He's gonna be trained. Raising him, I guess. Whatever you call it."

"Sir," Zoe said reasonably, "isn't this… what's the term I'm looking for… the worst idea you've ever had?"

"Now, come on, Zoe. I though harboring two known fugitives then making them my crew was the worst ever. You saying I topped myself so soon?"

"We don't have the means, experience or the patience to raise a child. Not to mention we'd be putting his life in danger just about every day. That's fine for us, but he's too young for that."

Mal motioned for her to step away from the table, which she did. He leaned in to Zoe's ear. "He can quote Wash," he whispered.

"I know, sir."

"You _know_?"

"Can see him too. Part of the reason I'm not so sure I want him on this ship."

Mal thought about it. "I can appreciate that, Zoe. But I got a gut feeling on this I just can't shake." He turned back to the rest of the crew. "Jayne," he called, "I know you're just outside the door, so listen up." He heard a grunt from outside, indicating Jayne was indeed where he figured he would be. "I didn't land Serenity today," he told them. "Forrest did."

"You let a child drive the ship?" Simon asked, appalled beyond belief.

"Didn't let him, he just did. Took control and out maneuvered what he calls a trail comet, which is what kept knocking into us."

"Wash helped," Forrest offered, his timid voice barely audible. "Told me how to do it."

Zoe had started crying. Kaylee's mouth was hanging open a little, amazed. Simon bit his bottom lip, not sure how he should react to this. The doctor in him disbelieved it instantly, but the human in him was curious as anything. River was smiling a self satisfied grin.

* * *

Simon knocked on the cockpit's entrance. "Captain, can I have a word with you?"

Mal barely looked over his shoulder. "Suppose."

Simon took the seat next to the captain. Everyone else on the ship was preparing to head out and into town. "I'm just confused," he began. "Why are we keeping Forrest?"

"Thought we went over this last night. If he goes, she goes, and you go. Isn't that the way we planned it?"

"Yes, but I didn't actually expect you to keep him. I know he did something extraordinary, but… I hate to say it, but I agree with Jayne. When is this gonna end?"

"If I had kicked off you and your sister, you'd be hating me for the rest of your life. You expect me to boot off this kid? Ain't that just a bit two sided, doc?"

"You're right," Simon agreed. "It is. I just… I can't believe she thinks she can take care of a child. She can't even take care of herself yet. I can't handle both of them." He leaned forward, resting his forehead on the heels of his hands. "It just feels like I'm losing control of everything."

Mal touched Simon's shoulder, gently. The doctor looked over into the captain's washed out blue-green eyes. "I know what you mean," Mal assured him, having though something quite similar just the night before. He leaned closer in to Simon, trying to think of what words could comfort him _Talk is cheap, actions speak louder _and his face was suddenly getting very, very close.

"Captain?"

"_Ta ma duh_!" Mal cried out, jumping backward. "Zoe, you make less noise than a ball of dust on the floor." His heart was pounding wildly. "What are you sneaking around for?"

"Sorry, sir, I'll reserve my stealth for missions." She looked between him and Simon, who was staring out the front window and shifting nervously in his seat. "We're ready to leave," she informed the captain, then left him to his devices.

Simon got up as soon as Zoe had gone. His voice was weak. "I'm, uh… River. I'm going to see if she needs something." He walked out quickly.

Mal ran a hand over his face, and noticed he was shaking. His heart still hadn't calmed itself. "Fuck," he muttered.

* * *

It was New Year's Eve on Lot, and wouldn't it be fantastic if the newcomers could stay for the night? Mal had declared absolutely not, and Zoe had agreed with him. Jayne and Kaylee begged and pleaded, and when River took Forrest and disappeared into the crowd it seemed the decision had been made. The day was filled with feasts, dancing and pageants put on by the young folk, and by nighttime Mal forgot to be cross and started to enjoy himself. Simon skirted around, trying to participate without involving himself in anything which is ridiculously hard to do. He was doing his best not to think about Mal and whatever had been about to happen earlier that day.

Jayne had been drinking since noon. When dusk had fallen, someone gave him a ceremonial drink called Puckernut Wine, which was only brought out for the new year. He took a swig, sputtered and coughed a few moments, then chugged the bottle. The villagers laughed, and he laughed too- why not? Within twelve seconds of imbibing the first sip, Jayne had become drunker than would be legal to take a walk. He was currently completely trashed. Kaylee found him at some point. She too had been introduced to the potent wine, but not nearly as much as Jayne had been.

"Jayne!" she cried out, hugging him. "Have you had the… the… you must have." He was smiling at her blankly, and she wasn't entirely sure he'd heard her. Then he started laughing like crazy.

"I checked the cargo before we left," he giggled. "Pink frosting all over the crates. Cupcakes is ruined. I ate three of 'em."

"Oh, no… poor Mal." She took another sip of wine. "Were they chocolate?"

"Some of 'em. I had strawberry. Best damn pastry ever." At this, they both laughed.

"You wanna dance with me, Jayne?"

"No," he told her, swinging himself onto his feet. "But I will, since you're the best looking one here and I think that manly looking girl's gonna ask me soon." Jayne took her hand and stumbled out with her into the dirt dancing circle.

"I'm pretty sure that manly looking girl is Mal, Jayne."

Jayne squinted over at the girl. "Oh, yeah, sure is. Man what an ugly woman." He shuddered. "Not like this girl here, no sir."

She blushed. "I'm starting to like you better drunk. You have a sweeter tongue."

"My tongue?" He stuck it out. "Dunno about sweet. Let me know, alright?" He leaned down and kissed her forcefully, his tongue pushing past her teeth and inside her mouth.

Kaylee pushed on the man's chest, surprised. He stumbled back a few steps, close to falling on each one. He kept his balance somehow, but every shaky step seemed to change his demeanor from light-hearted to dark fury. Where he'd had a sloshy grin was now a hard set grimace. His confident eyes had been replaced by unsure ones, and they looked angry to boot.

"Oh," he said in a moment of sobriety in an otherwise blurry night. "I see how it stands."

"Hunh?" Kaylee was downright puzzled and still in a bit of shock.

"Cuz I'm not a doctor or a law man or whatever, I ain't good enough for you." He started storming away, his uncoordinated limbs making slow progress. "Reckon you'd figure out by now it ain't a matter of class. It's-" He paused a moment to consider what exactly it was a matter of, but he really didn't know. Heart? Trust? Kindness Nah. Jayne Cobb wasn't guilty of any of those things. "It ain't class!" he finally snapped.

Kaylee watched him walk away, her mind's gears churning out a validation that what had just happened wasn't some drunken hallucination. Jayne had kissed her. But she'd pushed him away because he'd startled her, not because he wasn't good enough for her. She hadn't ever thought about him like that, to be front about it. She'd never seen it coming. _Why not? There were signs. There must have been. But you were too busy eyeing that doctor. _Well, Simon had impressed her. He looked so sophisticated and dignified, not like most of the men she consorted with _not like Jayne . _

She had started walking again, past the dancers with ribbons tied around their ankles and wrists, past the food and wine and fresh fruits. She'd been too distracted no notice the fruit. What was wrong with wanting a boy with class? If Inara could be picky, why couldn't she? _Because Inara is a lovely companion and you're a plain looking grease monkey_, she told herself. But Inara had had feelings for the captain a while ago, it was obvious to everyone. So that just proved class didn't matter. If Inara could want someone from above her class, surely she could want someone from above? _That ain't the point and you know it. _What was the point? _You've been ignoring Jayne because Simon was so classy. You and the doc had nothing in common. So why not Jayne? _

Why not Jayne? There were a hundred reasons why not Jayne! He was never nice to Simon _jealousy _or River _reads his mind. she scares him _. His loyalty was questionable _has he turned tail yet? _and he named his guns _you talk to a ship_ . Kaylee was starting to lose her buzz, which depressed he even more. New year's eve was supposed to be a night of frivolous fun, a not worrisome bore. First thing was first- she was getting more wine. Then she had to go find Jayne and apologize. She hadn't meant for him to think he wasn't good enough for her because that wasn't it at all. She wasn't sure exactly what it was, but not that. He had made sure she knew he didn't mean what she thought he had when she'd gone to the nightclub on Aarius, and he'd have to grant her the same courtesy about tonight. The wine was cool as it went down, leaving a fruity aftertaste in Kaylee's mouth. Someone had given her a small bottle of it, which she proceeded to drink half of before walking on. The colors of the night grew fuzzy, but it was all so beautiful. The lights and shapes and sounds blended smoothly like a living cocktail.

Jayne was sulking in front of the bonfire with a plate of untouched meat and another mostly empty bottle of wine. His eyes were watching the flames dance, drunken blankness etched in his features. Kaylee plopped down beside him, and he shook himself alert. "Hnh?" he grunted, eyes still fixed on the fire.

What was it she'd wanted to tell him? Oh, that's right. The kiss. "You're a fine kisser, Jayne." No, that wasn't it! The words had tumbled out on their own accord. "What I mean to say is, you kissed me."

"I know I did," he grumbled, keeping his focus off her face. _Damn what a pretty girl. _

"An I juss wannit t'say ssokay." Her words slurred lazily. Was that what she'd wanted to say? Something along those lines. Boy, was she drunk. Bound to have a fiercesome headache by morning. Maybe Simon would have something- Simon! That was it! "Doctor!" she cried out, and this time Jayne did look at her. Look said 'Derp?' "You don't have to be a doctor for me, Jayne. Plain folks's good too. You caught me off guard, I mean to say. Scared me s'all." Was a roundabout way to say it, but at least she'd told him her peace. She hoped.

"The time draws near!" someone cried out. "Look at the sky!"

"Anneclipse!" Kaylee exclaimed, looking upward. "Always wanted t'see one from moon's pointa view."

"Looks like allother ones I seen," Jayne said, obviously unimpressed.

"But iss backwards!" she explained with a giggle. "Like standin on yer head inun upsadown ship. Looks like always, but you know 's diffren."

"Oh." He didn't see the big deal, but could appreciate how fascinated Kaylee was by it.

"The planet is called Dantique," a man who was happening by explained to them. "The eclipse marks the new year for us."

"Wow!" Kaylee said approvingly. "Some way ta start a new year."

"Cut the torches!" someone cried out, and all manners of flame save the bonfire were immediately extinguished. The world outside Jayne and Kaylee's bubble grew dark. On any given day, Jayne would've been wary at the sudden loss of light. But today he was drunk and in good company, so he didn't care.

"S'bright," Kaylee breathed, staring up at the planet in the sky. The light of the fire grabbed every golden red highlight in her hair. Jayne studied her features- they were a bit out of focus, but pleasing just the same. Shadows danced across her face, and one minute her eyes would sparkle and the next be mysteriously shrouded. Her smile would wax and wane as the sky grew darker and anticipation climaxed. Jayne hadn't looked to the sky once. In his numbed, drunken state, he was completely hypnotized by her.

"Whoa."

The fire before them grew dimmer and dimmer as the villagers passed by it, tossing in handfuls of sand. The grains popped and crackled in the heat, but otherwise the night was quiet. Once every member of the town had given the flame their blessing, a bucket of water sizzled out the remaining embers. All the light in the world went out in a flash.

"Jayne, look!" she said, pointing to the sky. The moon had blocked the sunlight from Dantique and nothing was left of it but an eerie halo in the velvet sky. "New years," Kaylee said quietly.

"Yeah." He leaned over ands kissed her cheek, and when she turned to him in surprise he kissed her mouth. Again, she hadn't seen it coming. She didn't push away this time, though. She had become so caught up in the moment and his kiss had made everything that much more magical. His hand was rough on her cheek, but it felt warm and comforting. Jayne lifted his other hand to touch her hair (the hand that'd been holding him upright) and they both fell over, still kissing. She hadn't protested so far, Jayne reasoned, so why not press his luck? He traced his tongue along her lips, hoping she would part them for him. She reciprocated by forcefully grabbing the back of his head and pushing their mouths closer. Jayne's heart skipped an unexpected beat, and for a few seconds he forgot to breathe. Her fingers raked across his scalp, sending shivers to every nerve. She was a tiny girl, but the force of her kisses made him weak. He wrapped his large, gun-toting arms around her slender waist, his fingers reaching up beneath her shirt. The world around Kaylee got real fuzzy right about then. All she was aware of anymore was Jayne's mouth and his muscled body entwined with hers, and the intense heat growing between them. Where were they? Not on the ship, that's all she knew. Maybe it was time to get there, since her clothes were just itching to get off and Serenity would be a safe enough place for that.

"Jayne," she gasped as he gently bit her ear, "Serenity. Now." He kissed her again and made to stand up. That was damn hard, considering the ground kept shifting beneath him. Kaylee grabbed his hand and hoisted him up, although she wasn't faring too well on her own feet either. Her face what hot and flushed and she couldn't see a darn thing in the naked darkness. Jayne was beside her, only the faintest of an outline from the eclipse. He stood tall and imposing and suddenly the idea of continuing their tryst on the ground didn't seem such a bad idea. But he still was holding her hand, and when he started stumbling forward she was all too inclined to follow. He couldn't move all too fast because his feet wouldn't let him, but even making lighting speed wouldn't have been quick enough. It was damn hard to move while drunk, especially with an uncomfortably hard erection just begging for release. Jayne, unlike Kaylee, had stopped an actual though process several minutes ago and was moving about on pure animal instinct. Serenity seemed too damn far away, and he was tempted to just throw down and take her alongside the dirt path leading back to the ship. One phrase kept repeating in his head, monotonous and hungry: _I want. _The two of them looked ridiculous, stumbling along in anything but a straight line, grabbing one another and ferociously kissing before walking onward. In the facts of the matter, Serenity was only two miles away from the town celebration. It took drunken Kaylee and Jayne an hour to finally reach their destination, and Jayne had lost his shirt by then. Took them another ten minutes to get onto the ship ("How in the hell's this damn thing open?"), and after all that waiting, they didn't even make it to either of their bedrooms. Kaylee decided the cargo area was just about good enough and threw the big man down onto one of the cracked and frosting smeared crates.

He pulled her down on top of him and grabbed at her shirt as though it were trying to crush her and he was saving her life. The tiny hooks on her bra snapped cleanly off as he undressed her. Her skin was soft, smelled clean and he inhaled deeply. Primal instinct took over. Simple equation- Kaylee + naked satisfaction. Jayne was never one for math, but this he could understand. He began kissing and biting her neck and shoulders. She cried out a few times, some from pain and some from surprising pleasure. Jayne's hands worked nimbly on her body, undressing and caressing and lightly scratching. This was so much different than Simon had been. Simon had been careful, planned, and hesitant. It had been sweet and romantic. There was hardly a thing romantic about this situation here, but hell if she was gonna complain.

The clasp on Jayne's pants was proving to be most difficult for her small and clumsy fingers. She tugged and pulled, still kissing his chest in the hopes he wouldn't notice her struggle. His hands were suddenly on hers, gently guiding them away. He then literally ripped the clasp apart, small silver pieces flying everywhere. Kaylee looked up at Jayne, embarrassed. He leaned forward and kissed her mouth once, gently. It was the last tender action between them before he threw her to the ground and mounted her, both of them crying out long into the night.

* * *

Someone had kissed Zoe's cheek when the sky had darkened.

She and Mal were watching the festivities from the sidelines. Mal had refrained from drinking anything. Zoe suggested it was because he didn't need another wife, to which Mal replied ""Place reminds me so much of where we got Saffron, creeps me right the hell out."

Once the eclipse had set itself in and all the fire was out, no one could see a damn thing except vague outlines of very large objects. The captain was sitting to Zoe's right, and River and Forrest had been dancing in the town circle. Simon had wandered off long ago, probably watching his sister from someplace discreet so she wouldn't feel so monitored. Kaylee and Jayne were determined to have a good time, which would most assuredly mean lots of drinking. Zoe had taken a bottle of the popular wine, but hadn't so much as sipped it.

But someone had kissed her cheek. It had been her right cheek, and she tried seeing in the dim light who it possibly could have been. Malcolm? But why? Maybe he knew she was feeling down tonight. Maybe he just wanted to hold up the New Year's kiss tradition, although she was sure he'd sooner kiss Kaylee for that then her. She hoped- really, really hoped- there wasn't another reason.

"Sir?" she said softly, not even wanting to start this conversation. The big 'what if' scared her big time. As the eclipse moved onward and visibility became possible again, she saw not Mal beside her but Forrest, who'd managed to scootched himself between her and the captain. He was looking up at her with wide, sad eyes.

"From Wash," he whispered. "Happy New Year." Zoe touched her cheek softly, and Forrest leaned against her arm and closed his tired eyes. She looked down at the boy, who seemed to be already asleep.

"Zoe? Is that… Tell me that ain't Kaylee and Jayne stumbling back to the ship like that."

Zoe looked in their direction absently. "Don't know, sir," she replied.

"What in the hell is in that wine, anyway?"

"Puckernuts," a young girl told him, who'd taken a shine to Mal earlier that day. "Most potent wine in the verse. One swig and you forget the man's name. Two swigs you forget your own name. Three swigs and you forget your own gender." The girl giggled coyly.

Mal turned back to Zoe, who seemed a bit dazed. "This ain't gonna turn out well, is it?"

"Doubt it."

"We ain't sleepin on the ship tonight, are we?"

"Hope not."

He cursed. "Meeting tomorrow, first thing. Tell everyone. Gotta set some ground rules." Malcolm sighed heavily. He hadn't _wanted_ to be running a daycare.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning. Dear God, why did it have to come? The good news is that pucker nut wine is made from alcoholic berries, so it's more like a juice than an alcohol and doesn't give you a hangover. The bad news is it's 300 times more potent, so blackouts are easily attained.

Malcolm Reynolds stood above his mechanic and mercenary, hands on hips, eyes averted skyward. Zoe shot off a gun somewhere, waking the Kaylee and Jayne in a panic. Then they realized the captain.

"I don't wanna know a thing," he told them, not looking down. "Just get outta my cargo." He walked away, shaking his head. Zoe was smirking at the two of them lying on the floor.

Kaylee sat up and looked around. She was naked, which only surprised her a bit. The real surprise was not that Jayne was naked beside her, but that the two of them were covered in pink frosting and lying in a heap of cupcakes. She couldn't fully remember getting there, although vague images of nudity and screaming popped to mind. Where was her clothing? She looked around- waaaaay over there. Obviously thrown in passion.

Jayne sat up, stretched and yawned loudly. Someone screamed above him. He looked up and saw River, who was rubbing her eyes furiously.

"No, no, no," she muttered. "Didn't see it, didn't see it…"

"Told you ain't no girl's name!" he yelled up as she ran off, almost pleased with himself. But why in the hell was he pink? Oh, hell. The cargo. Cap'n was gonna have his head for lunch. Well, maybe not. Mal wouldn't kill Kaylee over it, and it'd been her fault too. Speakin of Kaylee… He looked over to where she previously had been, confused. She had scampered away to her clothing, pulling it on frantically, her face redder than ripe strawberries. "Little Kaylee?" he called tentatively. She ignored him. Once all her personal areas were sufficiently covered she ran off to her room, leaving Jayne alone in his frosted nudity.

The term awkward did not begin to describe Kaylee and Jayne's situation. Kaylee was absolutely mortified. Why had she let it go so far? Here she was, just now thinking of Jayne as possibly something more than a ship mate, then all of a sudden she was screwing him in a pile of pastries! How humiliating. What did everyone else think of her? First she becomes a member of the crew by sleeping with the former mechanic, then she and Simon have a brief relationship, and now this? A one night stand with Jayne? How many other girls were exactly in her position, having been with Jayne for just a night? Too many to count, she was sure. It was too much. She couldn't look anyone in the eye for a week, least of all Jayne. She avoided him right out.

Jayne wondered to himself what the hell he had done this time. What, did Kaylee have an issue with sleeping with him? Had she come to her senses and realized yes, you had to be a doctor for her to want you? After the first time she had run in the opposite direction as he walked by, he'd taken the hint to not talk to her. Or look at her. Or even be in the same wing of the ship as her. No one else said much about it, but they sometimes gave him a look that clearly told him 'It's your fault'. It wasn't, of course. But he was a callous asshole and Kaylee was sweet and wonderful. Now he understood what Simon had been through and much as he hated to, it gave him some form of respect for the guy. But the difference between him and Simon was that Jayne Cobb wasn't gonna tolerate that crap, no sir. She wasn't gonna pin it all on him. He managed to corner her in the engine room one afternoon. She was covered in grease, as usual, and humming to herself. "Kaylee," he said loudly. He knew she'd heard him, but seemed disinclined to answer. "We're talkin now."

She looked up. "Uh, hi, Jayne. What is it?" She knew damn well what it was.

"'Bout that night." He waited to see if she said something, but she didn't. Kept right on playin with the engine. "Jus' wanted to say things don't gotta be so awkward, you know? Seems stupid."

"I'm sorry," she said, finally putting down her tools. "I just… I feel pretty bad about it, you know? I mean, how does that look to everyone else on board? Like I can't keep my pants on, that's how. One man right after th' other. Betcha cap'n's worried I'll be chasin him next." She brushed some hair out of her face.

Oh, damn. She had thought they had been a one night stand, and from the way she was looking at him, she thought that's all he considered it to be, too. But that's all it was, wasn't it? _no.> _Shut up, yes it was. A drunken sex act, that's all there was to it. He cleared his throat. "Nah, o'course he ain't gonna think that. You an' the doctor, you thought you had something shiny. And me, well, I just-" His words came to a screeching halt at the back of his throat. He'd almost uttered something so inexcusable, so harsh and cruel even he'd never forgive himself. He'd almost told her _I just wanted you for sex_. Instead, he covered up with something far less truthful _false _and much more acceptable. "I was drunk. We was drunk. And the night, and all that… adds up to a mistake, that's all." Now he was angry and he didn't know why. "Can we just forget it entirely? Don't make no difference to either of us."

"Sure," she agreed. "Yeah, okay." Whew, relief. Didn't have to worry about that anymore. Except something was nagging at her. Did this just prove Jayne had been right all along? All she was good for was the one night? "Uh, Jayne… before you go, I was just… kinda wanted to know…" She swallowed the lump in her throat. "You just wanted me for one night, right? There wasn't more to it?"

This was a corner. Kaylee was backing him into a corner and one thing Jayne did not care for was corners. Time to get out fast. "All it was was the one time. If you think… If I did something to give you the wrong impression of things, I didn't mean to." He walked away quickly before she could ask any more questions.

As soon as his footsteps faded in the hallway, Kaylee started crying. Theory proven once and for all- call her One Night Kaylee.

* * *

Bakersville hadn't ordered anything from Aarius. Whatever it was that Mr. Reynolds was carrying was a mistake, because no such purchase had been made. Malcolm had spoken with the planet just a few moments ago, and he still couldn't understand it. He'd gone from hoping they wouldn't be too pissed about their order (because now that it was destroyed and Aarius was apparently burned to the ground, there was no way to replace it) to being hopelessly confused. Why had they paid him to transport merchandise with no destination? 

"It was for Forrest," a voice behind him said quietly. He already knew it was River, so he didn't bother to face her.

"You think so?"

"I know so. His mother called for you because she wanted her son to get out."

"If that's the case," he said, spinning about, "then why'd the baker know 'bout it too? If she made up the story just to get us there, how come the whole town knew why we was there?"

"Baker knew, yes," she told him, seating herself in the chair. "No one else did. They didn't want us to be suspicious something was wrong in the town, so they acted normal as they could. Didn't you feel like something wasn't right there?"

"'Round polygamists, I always feel a bit outta place." He drummed his fingers on the control panel. "So, all that for Forrest, huh?"

River nodded. "Now you don't have to worry about selling the sexcakes."

"Ugh," he grumbled, "I ain't even thinking about those." He tried to shake the image from his mind. "They got rooms for a reason. Why my cargo bay?"

"Too drunk and horny to-"

"I didn't need reasons, thanks." He rubbed his stubbling chin. "Why's everyone having so much sex on board lately? Never had this problem before. 'Cept with Zoe and Wash, but they had an excuse."

"Are you jealous because no one is propositioning you?"

Mal actually blushed a little. "Truth be told, I ain't been thinkingabout it." _Much>. _

"Would you like to?"

"Think about it?"

"Do it."

He stared at her for a long time, then kept on staring. Mostly outta shock, partly to see if she was serious or not. For all he knew, she was quite sincere. Her expression didn't change, anyway. "You ain't asking me to," he said finally, more a command then a question.

"Not directly."

Again, he faltered for words. "Your brother would absolutely melt if he heard you talking like this. Especially to me. Well, maybe _especially_ to Jayne, but certainly to me."

"Eww, Jayne? No. He's got Kaylee."

"Well, I don't know about that one. She's been a mess lately. Doesn't know what she wants."

"She wants to be more than someone's sex puppet."

"So she sought out Jayne? That don't make no sense."

"Makes sense enough to me. They're very similar." She thought a moment. "Sort of."

"You mean, they're on the same level. Not like her and your brother."

River shrugged. "No. They're both looking for someone they're not used to." She jumped up from the chair. "Forrest needs me," she said, seconds before they boy's voice filled the corridors, calling her name.

Mal leaned back comfortably in his chair and had himself a good think. The ship was just about going to pieces. Things used to be much simpler before. Before River and Simon, before Kaylee and Simon… actually, before Simon. That man was causing more grief for Mal then he ever cared to have. Without Simon, Serenity would never have been a wanted ship by the Alliance (well yes, they would, but not quite so severely. Minor charges only). Wash wouldn't have died. In fact, they probably never would have even heard of Miranda and never found out about the Reavers. _See? He's not all bad. Not even a little.> _And having a doctor on board had made things much easier. Sewed his ear back on pretty nicely. Simon brought up such a conflict in Mal's mind. There were so many opposing factors about him. Was he worth the trouble? Some kind of noise snapped Mal back to attention. He got up and went into the hallways, where the Tams were having some kind of debate.

"Simon, you need to leave me alone."

"I'm just trying to help." Simon followed his sister through the ship, tripping on steps she moved so smoothly over. "I'm just worried about you."

She spun around and faced him, taking his shoulders in her hands. "Simon," she said slowly, "I'm doing okay. Really."

"You didn't sleep last night."

"Forrest was having nightmares."

"_You're_ still having nightmares. You need to sleep, just let me-"

She smacked his hand away. "You need a new project, Simon." She walked off in a tiff, shaking her head. Simon leaned against one of the railings, defeated. He was tired, but not as tired as his sister looked and she almost refused to sleep anymore because of Forrest. The boy would wake up in the night crying for his mother, remember she wasn't with him anymore, then cry in River's arms until he slept again.

Simon rested his eyes for a few seconds. His brain felt like it wanted to shut off for a few days and take time to recuperate. He couldn't though- they were stopping off on planet Insert Name Here (he hadn't paid much attention at the conference) for supplies and to hopefully rid themselves of the useless cupcakes that had smeared themselves all over the cargo bay. Part of it had been Forrest's makeshift landing, part of it Kaylee and Jayne. They seemed to be getting along better, which was nice. And annoying. Why was he let off the hook so easily, but Simon had had to play the part of Breakup Bad Guy for so long? He had at least had the decency to be with Kaylee while they were both sober, willing and ready. She and Jayne had just, crudely put, banged like horny drunken monkeys.

"You all right?"

Simon snapped awake, having apparently dozed off while still on his feet. Mal was standing before him, looking amused and concerned. "I'm fine," he assured the captain, still a little wary around him.

"You look exhausted," Mal commented. "Been sleeping ever?"

"Yeah, uh, some. Trying to get her to sleep and she won't, so I stay up worrying…" He smiled half-heartedly. "I'm having a hard time controlling her."

"Maybe…" Mal licked his lips, thinking his next words carefully. "Maybe she don't need watching so much anymore. You said she's been better lately, and she ain't been saying crazy things so much in a few weeks now. Maybe she's getting better finally, since we put the Alliance off her tail. Since Miranda got exposed."

"No, she still has nightmares and memories that aren't hers." Simon rubbed his eyes wearily. "She still needs care and she's refusing to let me give it to her anymore. I don't know why."

Mal looked at the man before him with pitying eyes. He was obviously at the end of his rapidly fraying rope. Simon was looking down at the floor, his eyes teary from tiredness. No, it wasn't just exhaustion. Simon was starting to cry. Malcolm Reynolds had never know what to with a crying woman, let alone a man. _Do what comes naturally.> _No, that'd be a bad idea. He leaned down to Simon's face, putting a hand on the railing on either side of the doctor's slender torso. "She's been getting pretty attached to this kid, right? Maybe she's throwing herself into caring for him so she don't got to worry about her own troubles." He lowered his voice, making sure he had Simon's eyes paying attention to his. "Don't you think she's sick of bein so damn crazy all the time? Bet her head is noisier than an entire planet of people."

"Sh-she won't get better if I don't help her," Simon stammered, all too aware of Mal's breath on his cheek and the penetrating stare of his eyes. "I can't make the noise stop if she won't let me."

"I aint gonna pretend I know a thing about her brain or how it works," Mal began, "but maybe she just needs a while to let things settle. If taking care of this kid helps her with that, then you should let her."

"You don't know what's best for her, captain."

"Ain't saying I do. All I'm sayin is you been watching her like a hawk since you been on board. Teenage girls are willful. She's probably sick of bein so controlled. Give her time to figure out she needs you, then she'll come around. Seems to me right now you're just beating your head against a wall."

"Yeah," Simon admitted, wiping a tear from his cheek. "Feels like it. Maybe you're right. Maybe she just needs some time to figure out…" Figure out what, who knew. Simon had expected her to figure out by now that she couldn't take care of a child, but so far she had been persistent.

"I want you to stay on board when we touch down."

Simon looked up, startled at how close their faces were now. "What? Why?"

"You need rest. Stay here and sleep a bit. We'll take River and the kid. You rest up."

"I… I'd like to protest, but I don't have the energy." He smiled weakly.

"Settled then." Simon's eyes were bright and blue and grateful. Mal couldn't stop looking at them. Why did Simon look so nervous? And why were they so close right now? His hands drew in closer to Simon's body, his arms touching the man's sides now. Simon flinched a bit at the contact. Mal was studying the doctor's face carefully. He had thin lips that didn't smile enough and looked like they'd never been chapped a day in his life. Soft lips, and such long, complicated and soulless words that flowed from them freely. Seemed like a waste of a mouth. Mal drew in a shuddering breath, leaned in and kissed him.

Simon's body went rigid. Mal held the kiss for what seemed like an eternity. Simon's mind was reeling faster than it ever had before. He hadn't expected this, and he definitely hadn't expected to like it. Mal's mouth was warm and Simon opened up to it, although he was all too aware where they were that and someone was going to see them standing in the hallway, awkwardly kissing. _Why does everything have to be awkward for me? _Simon cursed. But in fairness to him this _was_ awkward, very much so. He wasn't gay.

This was the release Mal's body had been long since begging for. He'd never been able to reach out to Inara like this, but now he had with Simon and since the gates had been opened there was no closing them now. He slid a hand around Simon's waist, pulling at his neatly tucked crisp white shirt. The skin beneath it was warm, soft and smooth. There was a deep, longing ache growing inside Mal's lower belly. It was the kind of fire only sex could put out. He pulled Simon closer to him, their bodies pressed flat against one another. He could feel Simon's heartbeat competing with his own. His other hand ran up through Simon's thick, dark hair, mussing it completely. He wondered how it stayed so smooth when his own hair couldn't be dealt with half the time.

"Captain!"

Someone's voice was calling him from far off, probably the cargo bay. Mal slammed his tongue down Simon's throat, pulling out of the kiss before he could reciprocate. "My bunk," he growled. "Tonight." Then he walked off to answer the calling voice. Simon stayed planted against the railing, his breath hitched in short gasps, his lungs unable to hold enough air for a full breath. Finally he forced a deep inhale, and things seemed to fall into place. He was exhausted and scared. What had just happened to him? More importantly, who was this person posing as the captain? There had barely been one hint that this might happen, and it had been a week ago in the cockpit. Simon had reassured himself time and time again that he had just imagined the intense look in the captain's eyes, or that he had leaned in too close when they were speaking before Zoe had come in.

Simon stumbled along to his room, bumping into walls and railings as he went. He passed Kaylee, he thought, who'd looked at him questioningly but said nothing. His bed was cool, unmade and comforting. He fell right to sleep.

* * *

Kaylee braided seven blades of grass into a complicated and ugly knot. She was waiting for Mal and Jayne to come out of the weaponry. Zoe was leaning against the brick building, a gun at her hip. She was watching the street with sharp eyes. River and Forrest had decided to race one another up and down the street. Kaylee smiled at them warmly. River was a good mother. "Aren't they sweet?" she asked Zoe. "That Forrest is cute as a bug." 

"I'd rather he hadn't stayed," Zoe replied indifferently.

Kaylee shielded the sun from her eyes as she looked up to Zoe's face. "'Cuza Wash?"

"Yes," she admitted. "I don't know if I like it or hate it. Makes me sad, mostly."

"How come? It's like he's still here. Thought you'd be happy."

"I can't grieve for him if he's still here, I can't move on. But I can't see him, so how can I be happy about it?"

"Guess I never thought of it like that." She looked back to her grass knot sadly. Poor Zoe. It was bad enough she'd lost Wash at all, but now it was like he was dangling right in front of her and she couldn't reach him. So sad. "We get rid of the cupcakes?" she asked, just to change the subject.

"Dumped 'em. What else could we do? Got paid at least."

"Were four crates of 'em, weren't there? Lot of trouble for little Forrest." She stopped talking because she this topic had brought them back to Forrest, which had started the previous conversation she'd tried to end. Mal and Jayne emerged from the artillery, saving Kaylee from having to think of another topic that wouldn't weave its way back to the little boy playing tag in the street. She'd thought of and discarded three already. "What's the matter?" she asked, seeing Jayne's sour look.

"Didn't have grenades," he sulked, pulling down his goggles. . "Things look better bein blown sky high, y'ask me."

"We got enough to get by," Mal said shortly. "Got more important things we need. Like food."

"Can we find fruit?" Kaylee pleaded sweetly.

"Absolutely," Mal told her, sweeping his hand across the planet's barren terrain. "Keep every berry you pick."

Kaylee pouted, but she'd known wasn't something they'd find easy (or cheap) here. She hopped into the back seat of the jeep beside River, who was dangling her feet over the edge. Forrest was on her lap, his tiny toes barely reaching the window sill. Both of them were wearing matching green driving goggles, although Forrest's were too big and made him look like the cutest insect ever seen. Jayne sat on the top of the back seats, planting his boots on the seat between River and Kaylee. "Don't fall," Kaylee cautioned him. He gave her a gruff nod, then looked out over the land. Again, Kaylee pouted. Why was Jayne being so short with her? They'd settled things out, or at least she thought they had.

River leaned backwards toward Kaylee, looking upside down at her. "He's mad," she said, only loud enough to be heard over the engine and the rocks the Mule was kicking up.

"Guess so," Kaylee replied, also leaning over Jayne's shoes. "But why? I thought we understood each other."

"You hurt his feelings!" River yelled out a bit too loudly. Jayne looked down at the two women on his boots grumpily. He knew they were talking about him, and what's worse they were acting like he weren't even there at all. He kicked out both his feet, hitting River in the back of the neck and Kaylee in the shoulder.

"Get off m'feet!" he snapped. "And quit your damn gossip. Don't appreciate bein talked about like I ain't even here."

Kaylee blushed, but River looked annoyed. "Could break your foot," she told him. That made him glare even harder.

"Captain!" he yelled. "Permission to boot the crazy outta the jeep."

"Denied," Mal said patiently. "Shut up, all three of ya."

It wasn't far to their next destination, although since the silence in the back seat was moody it seemed to take near forever. As she picked up some basic food-like supplies, Kaylee thought about what River had said. _You hurt his feelings. _How'd she done it? She hadn't gotten personal with Jayne, had hardly said a thing about what'd happened between them. She didn't even let on that what he'd said to her last in that heavy conversation had hurt her so bad. How could she have hurt his feelings when feelings was the one thing they hadn't been worried about? Maybe… Kaylee picked up two cans of gravy-like substance and a tin of coffee for the captain. Maybe that was the whole thing. She hadn't even thought about how he felt when they'd done it because she assumed he'd felt as she had. Or at least very close to it. But was it possible Jayne thought more of it? Nah, she decided, Couldn't be. Knowing Jayne, he was probably just sore cuz she hadn't fallen all over him afterward like most of the floozies he found himself with.

"Here t'is, cap'n," Kaylee announced after she'd found him, dumping her armload onto one of the marketplace tables. "Coffee, gravy, taters. We all set?"

"Yeah, just waitin' on Jayne. Slow poke. He better stop this sulking garbage or I'm gonna strap 'im to the roof when we take off."

"You know how he gets with his ammo," she said uneasily, having a pretty good notion that weren't what he was sulking for. "He'll come around."

"Better."

Mal seemed distracted. And very antsy. Like he wanted to get outta this town a lot faster than necessary. This idea brought worry right to the top of Kaylee's emotions list. "Cap'n?" she prodded gently. "Are we… unwelcome here?"

"No," he said quickly, "why?"

"Well, you're bein real itchy an all, so I thought maybe we're in a bad place for us. Like there's folks here that don't want us."

"No," he assured her, still impatient that Jayne wasn't back yet. "Far as I know, we're free and clear here. Just want to get back before dark's all." _Nice coverup, captain>. _

"Zoe and River still in the jeep?"

"Yep." There was Jayne, clunking down the way with an armload of bags. _Hurry the hell up, huh? _Man was moving like he had bricks in his shoes. "Oh!" Mal called out, getting Jayne's attention. "Before the verse implodes, huh?"

"Ain't gonna implode," Jayne muttered to himself, picking up the pace. "Why we in such a damn hurry to get off ground anyway? Cramped up in the damn ship all the time like mice. Crazy females buggin me day in day out…" He was still complaining when he caught up with Mal and Kaylee. "I'm here," he announced to the captain.

"Good. Let's get going."

"Thank God I moved so damn fast," he mumbled, heaving his load back into his arms and following Mal to the jeep. "Wouldn't wanna be late for space."

* * *

Simon woke up about half an hour after Serenity had taken off. He wasn't sure they'd even landed yet until he'd gone to the kitchen and found River and Forrest chewing on jerky strips, which was something the ship hadn't had before.

"Almost meat," River explained to him, handing him a piece. "Dry and tough like Jayne, tasty like Kaylee, too complicated like Mal."

Simon took the strip and eyed his sister warily. "I see." He took a bite and chewed heavily on it. "Where's everyone else?" he asked through jerky.

"Jayne's sulking about Kaylee and Kaylee's curious about Jayne and Zoe is flying right now so I could feed Forrest and Forrest is eating salted meat and Simon is chewing on his piece wondering where the captain is-"

"That's fine!" he interrupted. "Thanks."

"Captain's in his bunk, waiting."

Simon froze, the salted jerky sitting on his tongue. "Waiting for what?"

"Just waiting." Her expression gave away nothing, which was worrisome to her brother. He hoped she didn't know anything about him and Mal.

"Thanks," he said again, losing all appetite for bi-processed meat. He finished his bite of jerky dutifully and left, absently walking towards the bridge. Or was he heading for Mal's room? In the hallways, Kaylee's string of light glowed like tiny fireflies. Next to her door was Mal's. Simon swallowed. Did he really want to go down there? Did he want to know what the captain had planned for him? It terrified him.

Mal paced back in forth in his room, hands behind his back, face set sternly. He was sweating a lot. Was Simon going to show? Did he even want him to? Nothing was right in his head. He'd wanted to get back to the ship as quickly as he could, and now that he was here he didn't want to be anymore. His eyes jumped to the door constantly, waiting for the smallest hint someone was there. He'd thought he'd heard a knock a few times, but when he stopped to listen no one had been there. Anticipation was killing him. He's already been waiting for who knew how long. If Simon wasn't going to come now, he never would. Mal didn't want to admit how disappointed this made him. _Five more minutes_, Mal told himself. _That's all you'll wait. Maybe ten. _

Simon approached the door carefully. If someone were to see him now, what would he say? He had to make a decision one way or the other- either go down there and face what was coming, or turn tail and run. He decided to turn tail. As he walked away, something inside him refused to leave. No, it told him. Even if what happened earlier was a fluke and nothing would happen once you get down there _please oh please let something happen> _you still have to face up to it no matter how bleak it looks. If you learn one thing from Malcolm Reynolds, let it be that. He went back to Mal's door and stared at it for a good twenty seconds, prepping himself. It felt more like going into battle than just seeing Mal. He reached his hand out to open it, then suddenly the floor of light that had been pouring from inside the room went out. Simon paused, stunned. He was too late.

Mal turned off the light and flopped onto his bunk, feeling destroyed from the inside out. He should've known the doc wouldn't come. Why would he? This was humiliating and it would forever change the way Simon looked at him. Might get out to the rest of the crew, too. It was all going very wrong. Mal had no control over anything anymore. Well, didn't matter. Tomorrow morning, Mal was going to take back the control.


	6. Chapter 6

Someone pounded on the door, shaking River awake. She bolted upright, already poised for attack. Forrest was taking a slower approach to things beside her, yawning and lazily stirring from slumber. The door shook again.

"UP!" Mal yelled forcefully, pounding hard. "Dining area, five minutes!"

"TIRED!" River screamed back. "SLEEP!"

"AWAKE!" Mal bellowed. "And you better be in there in five minutes! We're having a meeting and anyone not in there is goin out the airlock!" He pounded on Simon's door across the hallway, not bothering to yell. Then he moved on, stomping heavily. Forrest looked at River with watery eyes.

"We goin?" he asked sleepily.

"No," she grumbled, which meant yes. Her hands were still raised for a fight.

Kaylee and Jayne were hanging around the common room, tending to their own needs and ignoring one another. Well, Jayne was ignoring Kaylee, anyway. Kaylee was attempting to hone her art skills while thinking of a way to start some kind of conversation with Jayne, who was disassembling and cleaning various guns. She was trying to draw him, but he kept moving. His hands were nimble and precise. She was impressed, but that still didn't make drawing him any easier.

"Will you quit starin at me?" he snapped, still toying with his artillery set. "Makin me all sorts a moody."

"Sorry," she said, injured. "I was jus' tryin to draw you s'all."

"Draw me? Like a picture? What the hell for?"

She shrugged. "I dunno. Just trying to create somethin, I guess."

"Why dontcha go draw that doctor? He's got a pretty mug, ain't he?"

"I guess…"

Mal stormed by, saw the two of them and turned back. "You two!" he said in a tone Kaylee wasn't fond of. "Meeting. _Now_." He went off again without so much as a backwards glance.

Jayne looked at Kaylee for the first time that morning. "The hell'd we do now?" She shrugged.

Everyone convened in a relative five minutes or so, looking at one another in a puzzling manner. What was going on that had the captain in such a spell? Mal took his place at the front of the table, making a quick head count. "Right," he said, noting everyone was more or less there (River was staring at him drowsily and Forrest was sleeping in her lap). "Got some business to address, so shut up 'till I'm done." Everyone remained quiet. "Good. First thing's first, I'm callin an end to any and all relationships on board, whether they exist yet or not. New ship rule says inter crew anything's strictly unacceptable. That means dating, sex buddies, even siblings."

"Siblings?" River interrupted, ignoring his previous statement about the shutting up.

"You 'an the doc ain't brother and sister long as you're on board. Everyone's crew, everyone's family, everyone's equal to everyone. Ain't gonna be no special kinds of things going on no more. _Especially sex_."

"Can't annul brother and sister," River informed him. "Can't unrelate us unless Simon and I marry one another and that's only legal on Utilo which is sixteen billion light years away so if we turned course in half an hour-"

"Shut," Mal said, and she did shut, gratefully. Her mind had started a tangent she couldn't seem to stop on her own. "Ain't gonna be no sibling marriage or what have you. Just know you ain't related long as you're on my ship."

"How do you explain that we both have the same last name?" she challenged. If she weren't so tired she probably could have fought back the all the questions, but Mal had woken her up from much needed rest and she didn't care if she annoyed him right now.

Mal turned to her, a look of genuine surprise on his face. "Ain't that some kinda coincidence," he marveled. "Two members a' my ship with the last name Tam. Funny you ain't related." That seemed to be the end of the debate. "This new rule clear?"

"Wash wantsta know," Forrest mumbled sleepily, "'bout him."

Mal was taken aback by this. "What about 'im?"

"Izzie still married te Zoe?"

"Well," he began, "firstly, no offense to Wash, but no cuz death did you part near six months ago. Secondly, no. Now you're… uh… the guy we can't see that makes smart ass comments every once and again that we all love and miss." Mal scratched his head. That'd do it, right? How did you set rules for a ghost, anyways?

"Wash says thanks," Forrest told him. "But he didn't mean it." _You're not supposed to tell him THAT part.> _

"O…kay. Moving on then." Captain pushed up his sleeves. "Second, we got a call this morning for a job. Small no name planet two days travel wants to transport some livestock."

"Cows again?" Jayne whined. "Weren't the last time pain enough?"

"Not cows," Mal told him snippily, "pigs."

"Pigs?" Kaylee echoed. "They smell something awful."

"Cows ain'y much better," Zoe assured her. "Can't imagine pigs'll be any worse than the bovine."

"Wash says they are," Forrest informed him, regrettably waking up. "Cleanest animals in the verse."

"They eat swill!" Kaylee protested. "That ain't clean."

"That ain't the point!" Mal snapped, silencing his crew again. "Point is it's a job, it's legal, and it pays well. I ain't gonna defend every venture we take on. Be glad we're eating."

"Sorry, captain," Kaylee said guiltily. "You're right, job's a job and it ain't gonna get us killed."

"That's all I got," Mal told them, ignoring Kaylee's apology. "Get the cargo area ready for 'em." He folded his arms and looked at every member of his crew, keeping his gaze on Simon a little longer and colder than the others. Then he left.

The rest of the crew stewed in the chilly silence for minutes, each of them wondering about this new rule Mal had set. It didn't make any sense. Serenity had always been a family for everyone. There was nothing but relationships going on. Everyone was a brother or sister, and once you were family you couldn't just be tossed aside. What had happened last night to make him so angry?

Simon knew, and Simon felt sick as a dog over it.

* * *

"Captain," he said, "I want to speak with you."

"Ain't got much to say," he told Simon. "Speak your piece."

"I just… I didn't…" Articulation wasn't coming to him. He looked behind him to make sure no one else was in the room, or in any rooms anywhere nearby. He had finally managed to catch Mal on his way to the bridge, and they now stood in the hallways just outside Jayne's room. What if River was at her place in the pilot's seat? Would she be able to hear them? What if someone came walking in? Mal was still waiting for him, a bit impatiently, too. It would be best not to anger the captain further. "About last night, and… and how I wasn't there. I mean, I was, but I didn't…" His mouth stumbled over the words. He hoped Mal might save him from this, but so far he was just watching Simon with a peculiar look on his brow. "I'm sorry," he finished lamely.

Mal looked unimpressed. He watched the medic briefly, then gathered what he wanted to say. "I ain't gonna be sayin this but just the once, so listen up and listen good. Last night? Never happened. Weren't nothing _to_ happen, either. That ain't the way I run things 'round here." He lowered his voice considerably. "Don't know what came over me, but it ain't affecting the way this ship runs. You don't mean nothing more to me than anyone else here does. Let you die just as fast as any of them, you understand?"

Simon nodded. "I understand," he told Mal, and he truly did. He'd hurt the man by not showing. Hurt him badly.

"Good. Got more important things to do than waste my time worryin about such things." Mal continued on his way to the bridge, leaving the doctor alone in his wake, who'd started tearing up.

River was holding the controls lightly, her gentle touch steering Serenity smoothly along. When the captain took the seat beside her, she swiveled around to him. "You lied," she said matter-of-factly.

"Ain't your concern," he informed her, knowing she'd make it her business anyway.

"Why didn't you just tell him he hurt you? There's no shame in having feelings, captain."

Her words struck him deeply, but he didn't let it show. Not outwardly, anyways. "Like I said, got better things to do then worry about it. 'Sides, new ship rule, remember?"

River studied him, something she knew he hated but she couldn't stop herself. She needed to know. "You're going to hurt him," she concluded.

"Get off it."

"You worry that he's going to hurt you, but that's not how it'll be. You'll hurt him because you're too rough."

"I said that's enough, and I don't wanna discuss it no more."

"You'll push, just like you pushed off Inara because you think it's better that way." Her voice was growing louder, angrier, more demanding of acknowledgement. "You'll make him work for it to see how far he'll stretch for you, but he'll never stretch enough. You don't want anyone knowing that you think about another man like that, so you'll push him as far as he'll go so he won't want you and you won't have to worry about it!"

"I said ENOUGH!"

"COWARD!" she screamed. "You fight for your freedom and honor but you're _scared_ of everything!" She got up from the chair, readying herself for combat. Mal arose as well, knowing this girl could kill him in an instant if he didn't get the upper hand immediately. "Penelope makes her suitors wait until she weaves the tapestry but she unties it every night because she's waiting for a husband to save her. Twenty years she waits and he was unfaithful every night!" She pulled at her hair angrily. "Malcolm makes the suitors wait for twenty years as he unties the tapestry!" She grabbed a brontosaurus and hurled it at Mal, who ducked it in the nick of time. "The dog waits for twenty years and dies when his master shows! _Malcolm dies blind and poor on the streets like the dog that waits for him!_ "

None of it made a lick of sense to Mal, who was watching her throwing hand with great interest. Her words were filling the room and ringing in his ears. What the hell did dogs have to do with nothing? Someone yelled something from the doorway, and seconds later River dropped like a rock. He stared at her a moment longer, brain still processing. Then he looked at the intruder. It was Simon. "Extra dose of crazy today?" he asked, almost making a joke. Almost.

Simon was wiping his eyes, but he didn't respond. Instead, he came into the cockpit to collect his sister (who wasn't his sister anymore, if the captain had a say in it). She was light as always, but she seemed limper than usual. Maybe now she was getting some much-needed level four slumber. "I'm sorry she was bothering you," he said emotionlessly.

"No, it's… was nothing. Bad day, I guess." He was finding it a mite hard to keep looking at Simon and not feel empathy. _Or the need to hold him? _"Get her to bed."

"Sure." Simon knew this would be the opportune moment to say something to Mal- some kind of apology, maybe. Instead, he carried River down to her room, covered her with a blanket kissed her forehead and locked himself in his own room. He was starting to cry again.


	7. Chapter 7

"Jayne," she said forwardly, "why are you mad at me?"

He snapped Vera to the wall. "You came all the way down here to bug me about why I'm in a mood? Seems stupid, you ask me."

"You're avoiding the question."

"Mayhap."

"Jayne!" she cried, exasperated. "Come on. You're not usually this cold at me. What'd I do?"

"Why you buggin me 'bout this, anyway? We already hashed it out."

"Cuz River said I hurt your feelings-"

"What're you listenin to her for? You listen to everythin that girl says, your head'll explode. Nothin but crazy babble don't mean nothin."

"Would explain why you been actin so mean."

"I ain't been mean!" he snapped, realizing about four seconds too late he'd just been mean again. Kaylee gave him a look. "I ain't!" he said again. "Just got not much to talk to you about s'all. No big thing."

"You used to be nice to me mos' the time. Then we did it an' now you're all-"

"I ain't nothin! How many time I gotta drill into ya the same thing? We did it one time and that's all there's gonna be. I ain't the kinda guy to consider twice, am I? An' I just needed you for but the one night. So I ain't gonna dig this up again, clear on that?"

_I ain't the kind of guy you consider twice, am I? _Kaylee finally understood. Jayne was the one feeling like the one night stand, and he hadn't meant to. Well it was a fine time to show a girl your interest in her-when you were both drunk beyond reason. "Jayne," she said gently, "I didn't mean to-"

"I'ma 'bout done with this here conversation, so I'll be takin my leave, if that's just shiny with ya." He didn't stay to find out if Kaylee found it shiny or not- he just left.

Kaylee had herself a good, long think. What did she think about Jayne, anyhow? She wished Inara were here to talk to, although she was pretty sure what Inara would do- she'd shudder and say something like 'Why in the verse would you pick Jayne?' But there weren't nothing wrong with him, was there? Aside from his brashness, he was a decent guy. Who named his guns. And said something cynical every chance he got. "Don't matter now anyway," she told herself. "New rule says no relationships with crew." And Kaylee was pretty good about following the rules. Most the time.

* * *

"Wash, that won't work."

Zoe peeked her head in, having listened to Forrest talk to himself (or Wash, apparently) for the past fifteen minutes.

"She can't just forget about you, it doesn't work that way… Don't be dumb… Yes, yes you are…Are too!… Are too!… Are too are too are TOO!" Forrest scowled at an empty space in the air. "_Fine_," he scoffed in his five year old moodiness. "But I won't tell her that… No… No… Tell me where captain keeps the cookies and maybe I will… Not _those_, I already found them. The chocolate ones…"

"Top shelf," Zoe said from the doorway. Forrest spun around, looking caught. "Keeps 'em up there so little guys can't find 'em."

"Oh." He looked depressed as hell. "Can you get one for me?"

"Maybe," she said, "if you tell me who you were talkin to."

"Wash."

"What'd he say?"

Forrest looked to the left of his chair, then back to Zoe. "Was just sayin some stuff."

"Like?"

_ Don't say a word.> _"Like how he misses you, but he heard what you said to Kaylee about bein sad that he's here." _Damnit, kid!> _"He wishes he could make you forget him."

"Is… is he still here?"

"Can I have a cookie?"

She had to smile. "Sure. Is he?"

"Yes. Chocolate chip, please."

She retrieved the sacred cookie from its resting place, handed it down to the eager child and got out a glass of water and dehydrated milk powder. "Now tell me what you boys were talking about," she said, stirring the powder with a flimsy tin spoon.

"You, mostly," Forrest confessed. "Stuff like what you used to do, how nice you are. Things like that." He eagerly took the sort-of milk and gulped it down, chewing heartily on cookie. "He said you'd make a good mom."

Zoe paused. "He said that?"

"Sure." _Forrest, enough!> _"He said that's why he led the ship to Aarius. So you could take care of me." _Oh, he chusheng zajiao de zanghuo.> _

"He…" She stared at Forrest for a moment, contemplative. "But… but what about River?"

"I dunno," he shrugged. "Can I have another cookie?"

"Huh? Sure, I guess." She stupidly handed him the bag. Off he ran, giggly wildly and trailing crumbs all over the floor. Zoe took a seat in the chair Forrest had previously been occupying and looked around the room. If she could see him, talk to him, it might help. Communications between them using a five year old was difficult and unreliable. _Would you want to see him, if you could?> _Of that she was not sure.

Wash placed a hand on his wife's shoulder. She didn't move at his touch, and he in turn didn't feel her skin. _You wouldn't want to see me,> _he told her, looking at his pale and shimmery silhouette. _ Not anymore.> _

* * *

Jayne dropped down into his bunk, feeling satisfied. It'd been a good day- not great, but good enough. Food had been cooked by Zoe, and for some reason that woman was the best at making something from nothing. Not as good as Wash had been, but she'd picked up some secrets obviously. Could never tell that was year old macaroni and dehydrated cheese food powder. He pulled off his boots, shirt and pants in that order and prepared himself for sleeping like a rock sprawled out in his small but comfortable enough bed. Except that bed was occupied by a mechanic.

"Uh…" he said, standing there in his boxer briefs and socks.

"Hi," she said coyly. The blanket was pulled up to her shoulders, which looked to be bare.

"There a reason you're… in my room? And bed?"

"Wanted to talk to you."

Oi, not again. "I told you, I ain't got much to say."

"But I do." She wiggled herself against the wall, making room for him to sit. He remained standing. "I wanted to apologize for-"

"Not this again, c'mon, Kaylee."

"Let me finish! Wanted to say I'm sorry for makin you think you weren't good enough for the likes 'a me. Cuz you are."

"I'm… you… what's happenin now?"

"Jayne, do you like me?"

Was this a trick question? It was a trick question. Had to be. "Uh, that's a trick question, innit?"

"No. I really wanna know."

"Ah… sure, I like ya just fine."

"Like me enough to get in this here bed?"

"Well… it's my bed, so I guess I'll be getting in it eventually anyways, so…"

"I mean with me in it."

Was this a trick? It had to be a trick. _It ain't a damn trick, moron! She's trying to sleep with you. Get in the damn bed already.> _"Little Kaylee," he said uncertainly, "whatcha got on under that there blanket?"

"Find out." Her eyes were screaming with sex, and Jayne did indeed want to find out what she was or wasn't hiding. But that terrible demon conscience got to him before raging hormones did.

"Ain't s'posta," he told her. "'Sides, don't want you thinkin I'm just usin you for one night again. Don't need you in another slump like last time."

"I ain't planning on one night," she said smoothly. "Though about what you said, 'bout being only considered one night. And I decided that you ain't just a one time thing. Kinda like to keep you around every night."

He was dumbfounded. "You mean… like…"

"I mean just like."

_ Like a boyfriend.> _Boyfriend? The hell was he supposed to do with that? He hardly knew the first thing about relationships with stamina over more than a few hours. "Reckon you didn't think this through," he told her honestly.

"Reckon I did. Now get over here."

He did as he was told, sitting carefully on the edge of his bed. She looked up at him, all cute and innocent, and he wanted to fuck the innocent right outta that smile. Captain had said no sex. Fuck the captain. Hell, if someone _did_ fuck the captain, he'd probably lift the rule. "Little Kaylee," he said fondly, "you're breakin a rule just made this morning."

"Sure am," she said proudly, sitting up to come face to face with him. The blanket slipped down into her lap. Yeah, she was naked, all right. He reached out and rubbed his finger on her smooth belly, smiling to himself. Sure was a pretty girl.

"What do you suppose captain'll do if-" He didn't get to finish his sentence. Kaylee kissed him roughly, her tongue slipping past his lips. He wrapped his arms around her and laid her down on her back, following on top of her. They broke the rule three times that night.


	8. Chapter 8

disclaimer: I don't own it, but I pwn it!

Trying something a little different because Wash talks more now and it's not working like I'd hoped, so thanks for the patience!

* * *

"Captain?"

Mal was sipping coffee (real coffee, he'd made sure) alone at the breakfast table. "Hmm?"

"I'm leaving ths ship. This is my two weeks' notice. That should be enough time to find a new doctor."

Mal's response was cool and collected. "You got a destination for yourself in mind?"

"Not yet. I thought I'd figure that out over the next few days, make some arrangements."

"Nice and planned out, then."

"I've been thinking about it for a while now, and I think it's best for everyone."

"Best for everyone." Mal took another sip of his coffee. "How do you figure that?"

"Well, I-"

"You know, Serenity didn't have a medic before you came along. Been real convenient having you around, what with several of us almost dyin' once or twice."

"If it weren't for me, all those times wouldn't have happened."

"May be," Mal credited him. "But we live a dangerous life out here. What happens when it suddenly ain't your fault?"

"That's why I'm telling you now, so you can find another-"

"Where?" Mal snapped. "The reason we didn't have a medic is 'cause there ain't none to be had! They're all like you were, off in their overpriced Alliance hospitals makin more money then they know what to do with." He rapped his knuckles on the table, trying to keep a level head. "Answer me straight, doc. If you hadn't needed us to protect you, would you have given all that up to take a job on a broke ass firefly?"

"Well, I..." _Don't lie to him, Tam. There's no point. You would've laughed right in his face.>_ "No," he admitted. "I wouldn't have even considered it."

"And do I pay you anywhere near what you'd be gettin in a hospital?"

"No." "You get any benefits from us, other'n pathetic room an board?"

"Not exactly-"

"Then what the hell makes you think anyone would leave what you had for us?"

This conversation was going about as well as SImon had expected. "You don't necessarily need a surgeon for this ship," he said calmly, staking an empty chair across from Mal. "A small town doctor would be good enough. Or even someone right out of med school. For the most part, everything I do here is very basic. Stitches, burns, removing bullets- it's all stuff any student can do."

"An what about that one time when it ain't basic? When Kaylee gets shot in the head or Zoe loses an arm an we need someone exactly like you?" He was staring at the doctor hard in the eyes, and it was taking all willpower for Simon not to look away. "And what about River?"

"River?"

"My pilot. You're gonna be takin my doctor and my pilot. You wanna steal Kaylee from me, maybe take Zoe along? Bribe Jayne to follow you, leaving me here with a ship an no way to run it."

"I'm not taking River."

Mal was stunned. "Say again?"

"I'm not taking your pilot. She's convinced she doesn't need me anymore, so I'm letting her choose what she wants to do."

"So you're abandoning my ship with a girl in need of a doctor."

"I know you said she was my responsibility. But you also said we're not related anymore. She's the same to me as Jayne is, and you and I wouldn't have a problem if I was leaving and Jayne was crazy."

"I'd have a problem if Jayne was crazy. Man has too many guns."

"The point is, since you decided that she's not my sister anymore, that severs all my ties to her. So now she's your problem."

Mal reached out and bitch-slapped Simon with enough force to knock him halfway off the chair. "My problem?" he yelled. "Like I don't got enough. I got a kid on board, what the hell am I gonna do when he gets sick? I got a girl takin care of that kid that needs more then her share of care herself! Can't pay my crew, can't hardly feed 'em, and-" _And I think I'm fallin for my gorram doctor whose leaving me just like Inara did._ "...and now you're jumpin ship." He stood up and flung his still half full coffee cup into the sink, ceramic and coffee spraying everywhere.

Simon touched his cheek where Mal had hit him. He'd been hit by the captain quite a few times, but this one hurt more than any of those. This slap had more behind it than muscle. "I'm sorry, Mal," he said softly. "I can't stay."

"Why? Gimme one damn good reason."

_Because being near you scares and confuses me_ "Because I don't fit in here. I don't belong with you."

"You sayin you're too good to be a part of my crew, now you're not a wanted fugitive? You wanna be with people more like you're used to, all rich and stuck up?"

_No, of course not! Class has nothing to do with this._ "If it helps you understand, then yes. That's what I'm saying."

Mal turned away, disgusted. "Get the hell outta my sight."

Simon stood up, his cheek still hot and sore. It would probably bruise nicely. "I'm sorry, Mal," he said again.

Mal's back was still to him. "Is this..." His voice had gotten softer. "Is this about me?"

Yes! For the love of God, tell him it is!> "No. It's a lot of different things. I don't think I'm wanted here."

"I already-"

"You need a medic, captain. But you don't need me."

Mal bit his lip to keep from protesting._ Don't let pride ruin this one. Start a conversation. Even if you yell at him some more, say something. Anything._ "You do what's right by you," Mal said to Simon. "We'll get along without you." _Idiot!_ Wash ran a hand over his face. _Why do you have to be so gorram arrogant? I get inside your head, tell you what to say and you still fuck it up!_ He looked at the captain who was staring hard at nothing, his face set on 'I don't care'. He looked at Simon, who looked like a kicked pup. _Someone please say something._

"Mal... I didn't mean to-"

"I don't really care to be hearin from you right now." Simon looked hurt, but nodded and took his leave. Mal hung his head. _You just made an awful mistake._ "I know," Mal said to the empty room.

* * *

Kaylee and Jayne had warmed up to one another, which was good. They were lounging in the common area, laughing and drinking beer. he should've known Jayne would stash some away in his room. Well, he supposed it was a good thing- getting drunk might be a real good idea in about ten minutes. 

"Sir?" Zoe intruded on his thoughts. "What's this all about?"

"Hang on. I'm waitin on my last two crew members."

"River and Simon?"

"River and Forrest." Zoe gave him a puzzled look, but said nothing and took a seat beside Kaylee.

Wash was standing behind Mal, his arms folded._ He's probably telling his sister right now. Bet she isn't taking it too well._ Mal pursed his lips. No, he thought to himself, she won't take too kindly to it at all. Unless she already knows.

Forrest came in, looking as troubled as a five year old can look. "River's not coming," he informed the captain, then as an afterthought added "sir." He looked behind Mal at Wash and waved, then climbed into Zoe's lap and got comfortable. Mal sniggered.

"Sir," Zoe said, watching the child like he was a snake, "doesn't this violate the no relationship rule?"

"Think I'm gonna allow it," Masl told her, enjoying the moment. What was coming next would be far from amusing. "Well," he said, "if River ain't comin we can begin."

"Where's Simon?" Kaylee piped up.

"He ain't comin either." That tugged Mal's heartstrings a litte. Never again would Simon be coming. "Reason I called you all here was to say our doctor is leaving us. He'll be dropped off wherever we are in two weeks."

"What?" Kaylee cried out. "You fired him? How could you do that?"

"I didn't. he quit."

"He...quit? But why? Why would he want to leave Serenity?"

"Don't know and it don't matter. He just is."

"Looks like we're out a medic again," Zoe said. "And a pilot."

Mal took hold of the back of an empty chair. "Well," he said awkwardly, "you're half there."

At first Zoe didn't understand, but realization hit like a tidal wave soon enough. "He's leaving us with River?"

"Seems so."

Jayne started on a long, creative string of crude Chinese swears best not repeated. "So," he finished, "he's takin everything good about him an leavin us with the psycho girl. That's just great."

"She's been better," Mal sais defensively. "Now that she's got somethin to focus her crazy on."

"Me?" Forrest asked from Zoe's lap.

"Yessir," Mal told him. "And anyways, we still need a pilot so we're keepin her if she choses to stay. She might decide to go with him."

"He doesn't want me."

All eyes turned to River, who was standing in the doorway. Her long hair draped over her face like a veil. She looked dramatically dark and disturbed. Simon came running up behind her.

"Meimei," he pleaded, "you know that's not true."

River walked into the room, not looking at her brother. "You don't," she said over her shoulder. "You want to disappear and make us all forget. Make me forget. You hate me."

"Of course I don't. Why would you think that?"

Now she did turn at look at him, and he immediately wished she hadn't. Her eyes were enough to stop a heart. "You will always be better than me," she said hollowly, in a voice not too dissimilar to Simon's. "When we were children you were smarter and faster. You picked up everything I couldn't do and mastered everything I could. Even now, when your brain has betrayed you and you're insane, you're still better than me. You're stronger, fearless; you understand things I can't even hope to touch. And even the crew likes you better. Even Jayne, who claims to despise you. But especially Mal."

"River," Simon begged, realizing she'd been repeating his own thoughts back to him. Thoughts he only dared have when she was asleep.

"You connect to Mal," she continued mercilessly, "in a way I can't understand. He respects you. I can't equal you in his eyes." She suddenly grabbed his shirt collar and shook him roughly. "Captain doesn't respect you because he is scared of you," she hissed. "No one loves River like they can love you. Why would you be jealous of this?"

"Stop it!" he screamed. At least, he'd meant to say 'stop it'. What came out was not those words but other words, words that made his sister drop to the floor like a deer shot in the heart. He stared at her, his breath shaky. he never wanted to use those words against her like this. Sure, as a child he woiuld have, being an older brother. Now was different, though. She trusted him too much for him to abuse her like this. He'd pretty much stomped all over that trust now.

"I'm sorry," he said, mostly to his sister although she was unconscious and couldn't hear him. "I didn't mean to intrude."

"No," Jayne said, getting to his feet. He looked ready for a smackdown. "S'all good. Hey listen, I hear you're leavin. That right?"

Simon eyed Jayne warily. "Yes."

"And you're leavin us with that?" He indicated the girl on the floor.

"Yes."

"Thanks a lot," he said, cracking a knuckle. "Really appreciate you takin off and leavin her here, what with us havin no idea what's wrong with her or how to control her. Good riddance."

"Jayne!" Kaylee scolded.

"What?"

"Don't be mean. We'll miss Simon."

"I won't."

"You won't miss that he pulls bullets out of you?"

Jayne smiled fondly at her. "Why you always gotta be so damn optimistic all the time?"

"Because you're cranky enough for everyone." She turned her attention back to Simon. "Why do you want to leave us?"

He shrugged shyly. "I just don't think I belong."

"Of course you do!" Kaylee said brightly. "I'll miss you, and Jayne'll miss you-"

"I didn't say that," Jayne protested.

"But you will," she continued, unpahsed. "We all will."

"Thanks, Kaylee," Simon said. "But not everyone will."

"Who won't?"

"Okay!" Mal interrupted. "Enough of this. Now ain't the time to be-"

"Then when is, sir?" Zoe asked, her voice strong. "I think now's the perfect time to ask querstions, get somne answers. Get an explaination so we know what to tell ourselves next time someone's lying on the table dying."

Simon flinched under Zoe's relentless gaze. "I don't have any reasons good enough for you," he confessed.

"Don't matter why, does it?" Mal said coldly. "Point is you're leavin."

"Sir," Zoe argued, "reason why is very important. We need a doctor on board."

"We got along without one before." Wash leaned close to Mal. _She's going to tell you you're being stupid._

"You're being stupid, Mal."

"Don't question my decisions," Mal snapped, knowing full well he was being stupid. "Can't keep a man here if he don't want to be."

"But if his reason behind leaving is 'I don't belong', we have to talk about it because, no offense Simon, that's a damn stupid reason to leave a ship without a medic."

"I don't care why he's going," Mal said, " the point is he is and that's all we gotta worry about."

"Then he should find us another medic!" Zoe snapped. There was no way in hell she was letting this one slip by without her say.

"I can't do that!" Simon protested.

"Why not?"

"Because no one will-" He closed his mouth, realizing he'd fallen right into the setup. No one would come work on a broke ass firefly. "Okay," he said, "I see your point. I'll stay until you find someone no matter if it takes a year." Sooner than later, he hoped.

"No," Mal said. "You want to go. I ain't gonna keep you here. Two weeks and you're gone."

"Mal!" Zoe yelled. What in the hell was he doing? It wasn't like him to be so blatantly stupid. Accidental stupid, sometimes, but not usually on purpose.

Simon started to protest, but stopped. No. He wasn't going to let Mal keep him writhing like a worm under the anger of everyone on board. The captain was enjoying his discomfort too much. He had been the asshole to everyone on board since the first step he'd taken onto Serenity. What was once more? "Why wait two weeks?" he said coolly. To those paying attention to his demeanor, he acted exactly as he had wehen he'd first boarded Serenity as just a passenger. "Drop me off on the next planet we pass."

Mal obviously hadn't been prepared for a counter offer. "That's not all that far. Two days, I think."

"Fine," Simon said, folding his arms. This was killing him, but he wouldn't break. Would not break. Mal and Simon regarded one another for a few seconds.

"Fine," mal agreed. "For two days you're still my medic." He kicked River's limp arm with the toe of his boot. "Get her to the infirmary."

"Yes, sir," Simon said tersely, scooping up his tiny sister and carrying her off.

Zoe carefully placed Forrest on the floor and swept up beside the captain. "Two days?" she said wryly.

"'Parently."

"That's a whole lot better than two weeks, thanks, sir."

"You think I made a mistake?"

"I don't _think_ so at all. We can't afford to lose our doctor."

"We've managed before."

"Before we had Inara with a little medical training and a lot of connections."

"Right. And before we had two fugitives on board and now we don't. Now we got a child and... a ghost or whatever. Things change and we adapt."

"I don't believe this is a necessary change."

"Whether it is ot not, it'sd happening."

Zoe had known Mal for a very long time. Sometimes too long. She studied his handsomely rugged and broken face carefully. He would be considered her best friend, if she ever stopped to think about it. They knew one another inside and out. He knew her better than Wash sometimes, which was both good and bad to her. Right now she couldn't figure out what was going on in his head. This was almost the way he'd acted when Inara had left. "What did you do to him?" she asked in a low voice.

"I still don't understand," Kaylee announced. "Why is he leaving?"

"He wants to," Mal explained.

"But why? What happened?"

"I don't know," he lied. Wash snorted. _Captain fucked up._

"How?" Forrest asked. Wash looked at him, startled. _Oh, uh..._

"How what, honey?" Kaylee asked.

"How did captain fuck up?"

She blushed. "Don't say that. Mess up what?"

Forrest looked to Wash for confirmation. _Tell her I don't know.>_ "He doesn't know."

"Oh." She looked at Jayne. "Now I'm even more confused."

"Real simple," he explained. "Doc's leavin, crazy's stayin, and the kid's talkin to Wash. Situation normal- all fucked up."

"But can someone please tell me _why_ Simon is leaving?"

"Sheesh, if you love Simon so much, why don't you go on with him?" He scowled jealously.

"I don't love Simon. And I could never leave Serenity, you know that. I just get it cuz yesterday he was fine and now he's all unhappy and leaving." She touched his arm. "Don't be so-"

"I ain't."

"Then why are you-"

"I ain't!"

"Fine," she said kindly, knowing arguing would be pointless. "You ain't."

"Meeting's over!" Mal announced, disappearing quickly. he left Zoe to her protestations and Jayne and Kaylee to their arguement. Wash looked at Mal's back, then to Forrest. _Come on, kid.>_

"Aww, do I have to?" _I have to do something, don't I? Otherwise why am I here?>_ "But I wanna see if River's okay." Wash concentrated a moment. _She's sleeping right now. Dreaming about hard things.>_ His brain hurt a bit from touching her mind. It alwayts hurt afterward. _Please, Forrest?>_

"_Fine,_" he sighed heftily.

"Fine what, Forrest?" Zoe had been watching this one-sided conversation with mild interest.

"Uh... I guess I'm gonna help Wash with something." He took Wash's outstretched hand. "Bye Zoe."

"Bye," she said, watching him in wonder. There goes my husband and... son type person. This life got too strange for words sometimes.

"Can I have one of the captain's cookies?" Forrest asked. _Boy, you're easy to pay off.>_ Wash chuckled. "I'm five," Forrest explained as they walked. "Why are your hands always so cold?" _I guess it's because I'm dead.>_ "So you can't be warm?" _No, I guess not.>_ "Did it hurt to die?" Wash tried to remember. _I think so. It's kinda fuzzy. I remember being really scared, though. Then I was just...dead.>_ "Why is it only I can see you guys?" _I guess you're special.>_ "Maybe I'm crazy like River." _No. You're a different kind of crazy then River.>_ "Why do you need my help? Can't you talk to them?" _Not exactly. I can talk in their heads, but no one ever listens to me.>_ "Why?" _If I knew that, I would have to pilfer Mal's cookie stash to make you help me, would I?>_ "What's pilfer?"

By now they had reached the bridge. Wash looked at his chair longingly, and his steering wheel and toy dinosaurs. He missed it all so very much.

"Wash?" Forrest whispered. "You okay?" _I'll be fine. Get Mal's attention.>_

Mal was stewing in his won anger amidst a tangle of wires and sparks. He was trying to look busy by touching some wires every now and again, poking them, watching them jump and ignoring them again. It startled him more than a little bit when Forrest tapped him on the shoulder. "Gah!" he yelped. "Why'n the hell does everyone gotta go sneakin around all the time! You're a kid, make some noise!"

"Sorry," Forrest said quickly, not meaning it. "I have to tell you something."

"Well, what is it? I'm busy." He kicked the control panel he'd removed to get to the wires beneath. Wash groaned._ Don't touch that, you're going to ruin my ship!>_

"Don't touch," Forrest informed Mal.

"That what you came to tell me?"

Forrest looked at Wash. "Was that it?" _No.>_ "No, sir, that's not it."

"So what _is_ it?"

Again, Forrest looked to Wash expectantly. It was here that poor Wash got stuck. How exactly was he going to go about doing this? He'd never talked to Mal about personal affairs before, and now not only did he have to address the issue directly (about another crew member. Who was a man.), but had to translate via a five year old. Awkward _Tell him, uh... I'm going to be direct and personal.>_

"Wash says he's going to be direct and personal."

"Wash says?" Mal rubbed his cheek. What, now the ghost wanted something too? "Okay, kid, what does Wash want?"

"He says he wants Simon to stay."

"Simon? Why, he don't need a medic."

"He says you want Simon to stay too."

"He says that, huh? Well you tell him this. I didn't discuss it with his wife and I won't discuss it with him either."

"He says there's nothing to discuss because he's been in your head."

"In my head?" If that was true, things could get real weird real fast.

"What's in his head?" Forrest asked Wash. _Nothing. Not a thing.>_ "Not even brains?"

"The hell is he saying to you?" Mal wanted to know.

"He said your head is empty." _No, that's not what I said!>_ "Is too." _But it's not what I meant.>_ This was turning into a bad game of telephone. _Forget that. Just tell him I know why he wants Simon to stay.And... I know what happened the night before he made the dumb rule.>_ He was damn glad Mal couldn't see him- this was embarassing.

Forrest repeated the message like a good little parrot. Mal's face was getting paler and paler, until Wash reckoned it was close enough to his one ashy white skin. Mal was doing well not to let his apparent discomfort show too much.

"I see," he told the child.

"What happened?" Forrest asked.

"N-never you mind, it ain't important. Ah... can he hear me?"

Forrest rolled his eyes. "He's not deaf."

Mal cupped his hands over the kid's ears. "Listen, Wash," he said angrily, glaring at a spot over Forrest's head because that's where the kid kept looking for his messages. He was about a foot off. "You stay the hell outta my head. I don't need two people pickin' through my brain tryin' to tell me what's what. I don't care if you are dead, I'll kick you off my ship." He took his hands off Forrest's ears and waited for a reply.

"Wash says," the boy began, his voice indicating it was going to be a long message, "that first of all you can't kick him off because you didn't put him here. Next, he's not a reader like River, he's a helper. And third..." There was a long pause in which Forrest stared patiently at blank air. "And third he says you're acting like such a..." He wrinkled his nose. "I can't pronounce that. Is it a bad word?" Yes. Just tell that egotistical jackass he's being stupid. "Eggotesticle jackass, sir, you're being stupid."

At first, Mal was a trifle apalled that this child had called him both stupid and egotistical. Or eggotesticle, whatever. And a jackass, to top it off. However, he kept in mind that the message had actually come from Wash, and it wasn't something he hadn't heard before so he wasn't too offended. That and Forrest had said it so respectfully and even added 'sir' in there, so how could he be mad about it? He chuckled a bit and ruffled the kid's hair. "Okay," he said, deciding to let it go. "Listen, Wash, how I run my ship is none of your concern, especially not anymore." _Do you have to remind me how dead I am every ten minutes?>_ For some reason, Mal felt a pang of guilt. He cleared his throat. "Point is," he continued, "I don't need you tellin' me what I'm doing wrong. Been running things smoothly so far."

"He asked about Inara."

Mal scowled. "What about her?"

"Why'd you let her go?"

"Cuz she weren't mine to keep. She's a woman, not a canary."

"Why'd you let her go without telling her you liked her?" Forrest tugged Wash's sleeve. Wash, until this second, had been pacing back and forth muttering to himself. _What?>_ "Who's Inara?" _Captain's girlfriend.>_ "Where is she now?"

"Forget it!" Mal snapped, unknowingly cutting off Wash's response. "She's no one. This isn't none of your business, di di."

"That's why he's here," Forrest said, taking bits of Wash's frustrated muttering and delivering it to Mal.

"To invade in my personal affairs?"

"To help."

"Well, I don't need his help!"

"Someone thinks you do."

"Someone who? Wash?"

"No, not him. Whoever put him here." _Okay, enough about me, he doesn't need to know that.>_ "But nevermind that. Why didn't you and your girlfriend get married?"

"Oh, no," Mal said. "I ain't takin this conversation another step. You tell him to piss off, I'm done here."

"Wash is getting mad, I think. He keeps talking real fast and he sounds like a gerbil."

"That's Chinese, I reckon. Now get out, both of you."

"Okay, but he can stay and you won't know about it. He's invistable to you, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"Huh? Oh, he says I can go but he's staying and that he's the voice in your head telling you you're being stupid. If you'd listen to him, he wouldn't have to make me talk for him."

"Listen to him? How in the hell am I supposed to listen to him?"

"He said just listen. Wash, can I go now? I'm hungry." _Sheesh, you're impatient. All right, just tell him I ain't leaving.>_ "Wash isn't leaving," he told Mal absently, still focused on Wash. "Can I have a..." He glanced back at the captain. "A you know what?" _Sure. Go ask Zoe for one, tell her I said so. She's got no problems stealing the boss's cookies.>_ Forrest ran promptly from the room, smiling at his job well done and chocolate chip bounty that awaited him.

"All right," Mal said, feeling like a damn fool for talking to no one, "I'm listening I guess."

_Are you really, or are you just doing what you always do and think you're talking to yourself?>_

Mal looked around, startled. He could have sworn someone was standing right next to him, but on one was there. Didn't sound like Wash, though. Sounded different. Kinda sounded like his own voice.

_Does sound like me, you're just getting used to it. Your brain's making an excuse for why something you can't see is talking to you.>_

"This, uh... this feels pretty crazy, truth be told." Now it did sound s bit like Wash, or at least his memory of what Wash sounded like. _Crazy doesn't even begin to cover it.>_ Mal looked around cautiously, making sure no one else was around to see him talking to himself. He took a seat in one of the pilot's chairs. "So, ah..." _What do I want?>_ "Yeah, that'll do to start." _You and Simon.>_ ""What about it?" He was a bit impatient. _You know what I mean, Mal. I...>_ Awkward._ You kissed him, Mal. You didn't even go that far for Inara.>_

"You know," Mal sais shakily, "don't really wanna be discussin' this." _You think I do? This is awkward as hell.>_ "Then why are we?" _Because->_ He couldn't divulge the real reason. _Because you're going to miss out on someone again. And for some reason, I'm not allowed to let you do that.>_ "All right, who is it that's tellin you how to run my life?" _Not just your life. Everyone's on Serenity. It's my job as->_ Crap, couldn't say that either. _Nevermind. Point is, you have to swallow your pride and admit you want him to stay. Give him a stupid reason if you want. Just make him stay.>_ "What's everyone gonna say if I just change my mind?" _They're gonna think you finally came to your senses.>_ "I never liked you," Mal said, leaning back in his chair. Wash sat in the chair beside him and leaned back. _Only because I got to Zoe before you.>_ "I couldla had her if I wanted." Wash whipped around. _Really?>_ "Nah," Mal chuckled. "Just like makin you crazy." _That's not funny. I could seriously mess with you, you know.>_ "I don't think anything you do to me right now is gonna be any weirder than what's already goin on. Got a kid that sees my dead crew member, got a dead crew member still on my ship, a mind readin crazy girl, and a doctor about to take off and leave us with the crazy girl he should be taking care of." _Don't forget you have a thing for him.>_ Mal coughed. "Didn't forget. Neglected to mention."_ Ah. You're still worried someone's gonna hear us.>_ "Yes."_I can tell you where they all are, although I doubt you wanna know._ "Then spare me, please."

Maybe Wash was right. Maybe he should say something this time, before Simon walked away like Inara did. He knew the real reason she left, and while that had been months ago and his feelings for her had subsided considerably, it still hurt to think about. But what would everyone think about him and Simon? Don't matter he told himself. He had two days to figure it out.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: You know I don't own this, or I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, I'd be making another series!

* * *

Kaylee woke up the next day expecting something she did not get. She groped her way out of bed in the dark, kissed Jayne's cheek (he mumbled something like "Thanks" or "Yuck", she could't tell which) and went back to her own room. Sneaking around like this was very exciting.

By ten that morning it still hadn't come, and by two she was starting to panic. 'Clockwork' was a word she kept telling herself. By four forty five she decided to talk to the captain about it. He and Zoe were hashing out old war stories in the kitchen while cooking dinner. Well, Zoe was cooking, anyway. Mal seemed to be getting in the way more than anything. Zoe would reach for a utensil and he would grab it away from her, brandishing it like a bayonette.

'Shoulda fought in dresses," he was saying. "Would've taken 'em completely by surprise."

"You're too fond of women's clothing," she teased, grabbing the spatula deftly from him.

"That may be, but still would've been a good strategy. Served me well a time or two before."

"Uh, cap'n?" Kaylee knocked timidly on the doorway.

"C'mon in." He waved her over. "What's up? Engine's well, I hope?"

"Huh? Oh, sure, probably is. That's not why I'm here."

"Okay then, shoot."

"Um... when we... when we stop to drop off Simon, I was wondering... can we stay for a bit?"

"Wasn't really plannin to but-" He paused, eyeing her suspiciously. "Why?"

"Oh, you know, just wanted to get off the ship and get some air and such, and since we'd be landing anyway I figure..." She was babbling now. Best to shut up.

Normally Kaylee would be eager to take a day trip no matter where they stopped, so that had not raised Mal's suspicions. What had was that Kaylee looked almost guilty in asking when normally she was all smiles, determined to pursuade him that they needed a break. This strategy usually won him over.

"Don't think we can spend a whole day there," he said, hoping to fish out the intention behind the request. "Got wind of some work further down the road. 'Sides, I'm not all too sure what kind of place we're headin to. Might not be worth lookin at."

"Half day?" she asked hopefully. "I mean, if we're leavin Simon there we should at least make sure it's someplace he'll be okay."

"Ah, so thats it." Mal smiled triumphantly. "This is about Simon."

"Uh, sure, yeah!" Oh good, a scapegoat. "Don't really wanna see him go, so I'd like to see him long as possibe and in case he changes his mind, you know, which he still might you can never tell things like this, might just decide he'd made a mistake and then..." She was babbling again, so they knew she was lying. Mal and Zoe's face proved as such. Well, Zoe's did. Mal looked kinda disappointed. He's thought he'd figured out what she'd been hiding. "Okay," Kaylee admited, "that's not it. The thing is, I need to find a doctor."

"A doctor?" Zoe asked. "Hell, we have a doctor. Might as well use him while he's here, right?" She shot Mal a funny sideways glance that he chose to ignore.

"Oh, no, I can't talk to Simon about this!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's, uh... it's personal. _Real_ personal. Like real female personal."

Zoe understood completely. She'd had a yeast infection about four months ago and had waited a week and a half to get to some planet because she, like Kaylee right now, hadn't wanted Simon to get to know her quite so well. Simon may have already seen Kaylee naked, but that didn't mean she would want to hop in the stirrups for him anytime soon.

Mal obviously didn't get it. "I don't see the big deal. Man's a doctor, this is what he went to school for. This is what we had him on board for. Why can't you just ask him?"

"Sir," Zoe said, trying to help Kayle from one woman to another, "there are some things you don't even want a doctor looking at, but it's necessary so you do. But you don't see most doctor's faces every day so you can manage."

"She won't be seein' him much longer."

How dense was he going to be today? "Would you want Simon fondling your personal areas at this moment in time, despite the fact that he's leaving?"

Mal didn't know whether to pale or blush, so he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Can't say so," he said weakly.

"She doesn't want him in her personal space any more than you want him all over your manly bits. And we're stopping anyway, aren't we?"

"Fine!" he said. Anything to end discussion about Simon touching his manly bits. "You better hope they have some kind of specialist on this planet, cuz I ain't chasin all through the verse looking for some woman doctor."

"Thanks you, Mal!" she cried out happily. "No, I'm sure they'll have someone who'll be just fine." Even the darkest of boondocks still had babies.

* * *

As it turned out, the planet wasn't nearly as desolate as they's expected. It was quite the opposite. It seemed like the perfect place to drop off Simon. Kaylee was crying her eyes out as they stood on Serenity's loading ramp saying their goodbye's. She must have hugged Simon a good fifteen times already.

"You take care," she said tearily, hugging him again.

"I will," he promised her. This wasn't making leaving any easier. "You take care of Serenity, okay? You're her doctor, you know."

"I am, huh?" She smiled a little, but was still bawling heavily. "Gonna miss you."

"I know. I'll miss you all too."

"Even Jayne?"

He chuckled. "Sure." Kayee had taken on a new fondness for Jayne recently, and Simon was pretty sure they were breaking Mal's no sex rule.

Jayne stuck out his hand and shook Simon's. "Can't say I'm fallin to pieces over this," he admitted, "but it's been good enough knowing you."

"Thanks, Jayne," Simon said, truly touched. He shook hands and quickly (and awkwardly) hugged Zoe, said goodbye to Forrest and received a weird goodbye from Wash, and exchanged a guilty handshake with Mal. All that was left was River. "Meimei," he began.

"You know where I belong," she said angrily. "And where you belong."

"No," he said honestly, "I really dont." She hadn't even hugged him yet. He couldn't leave without knowing she still loved him. "Are you sure you don't want-"

"Yes. Serenity wants me. You don't."

"Want and need are two very different things."

"Simon belongs in three piece suits and ballrooms," she said airily. "Simon wants to dissect life like a biology frog. Simon marries ugly rich women with no substance and lots of class. River steals and flies and holds life together with flimsy tape. River is happy. Simon is lost."

"I'm not-"

"Simon is _lost_!" she screamed, attracting the attention of several passers by."Lost! Lost! Lost! Lost! Lost! Lost! Lost!"

"Stop it," Mal, touching her shoulder. She stifled her screams but her eyes were still livid. "Let him be. Man has to live with his choices." He turned to the rest of his crew. "Six hours," he announced, "and we take off." He strode past Simon, guiding River along with him.

"Lost," she told the captain.

"I know," he said. "He'll find it eventually."

"Will it be too late?" That he couldn't answer.

* * *

Forrest was counting the crew as they boarded. Zoe and Jayne made two, Mal made three, River five _No, four _River made four, Kaylee made five and Simon made seven _Simon makes six, if he ever shows up._ But would he show up? It was getting darker and less likely by the minute. Everyone else had already boarded Serenity. What stopped them from leaving?

"Can I see them?' Forrest asked. _See what?_ He knew very well what. "Your wings." _No._ "Why not?" _Because not right now. Maybe later._ "You said that last time." _And I'm saying it this time._

"Forrest!" Mal walked down the ramp to his crew member in training. "What are you still doing out here?"

"Counting." He kicked a pebble across the pavement. The city lay out before them, past the fenced in airport (first one Forrest had ever seen) to skyscrapers tall as thousand year old trees. It was a beautifuly terrifying place, a place you could easily lose yourself in. The sky was becoming dark and imposing. Two speckled moons popped out into the night sky, hardly noiced behind the city lights. It looked like the last strike of civilization into the universe, a place that humanity used to desperately try and prove they had been there.

"Counting?" Mal asked. Kid was almost as weird as the pilot. "Well, come on inside, we're taking off."

"But we still have fifty minutes."

"But everyone's inside already, so we can go now."

"No they're not. Simon's still out there."

Mal held his hand out for the child to take. "Simon isn't coming anymore. He's staying here."

"Why?"

"Because..." How good a reason did a five year old need? "Because he wants to."

"Wash says he doesn't." _Don't bring me into this._

"Wash don't always know everything."

"So... Simon's not coming?"

"No."

Forrest looked sadly at Wash, who was floating above the ground in a cross-legged sitting position. "He's not coming," Forrest informed him, just in case he hadn't heard the captain. _Thanks._ Forrest took Mal's hand and headed back inside. "Who made supper tonight?"

"I did," Mal said.

The child made a face. "Did Zoe help?"

"Not really."

"Oh." He looked severly disappointed. Mal had to chuckle. Zoe had in fact made supper, but it seemed to be Forrest's opinion that Mal could not cook whatsoever and any meal made without Zoe wasn't worth eating much of.

Wash looked out across the city glumly. Simon wasn't making his job any easier.

As it turned out, you cannot fool a five year old as easily as Mal had thought. As soon as Forrest took a bite of his dinner he whipped around to Mal and shouted "Liar! Zoe did too make it!" He then proceeded to shove in food like it was evaporating from his plate. It was a much needed mood lifter for an otherwise distressing day. River had stayed on the bridge for the meal, and not one person's mind didn't wander to Simon at some point.

"Hey!" Mal called out, holding up what should have been a full bag of old style Milano cookies. "What happened to these?"

"I did," Forrest informed him.

"How... how'd you even know they were here? And more importantly, how'd you reach them?"

"Zoe," he said. "And Wash."

"Excuse me?"

"And Kaylee. River had one once, although she said they were racist cookies and she only ate the one as part of The Movement. And Jayne."

Mal tapped the mostly empty bag on the counter, looking at each and every guilty face of his crew. "Every damn one of you," he said finally. "Even the ghost. Can't I have nothing on this ship that's mine?"

"You did," Jayne muttered, "but she left quite some time ago." Kaylee snickered and slapped his arm. Luckily for both of them Mal hadn't seemed to hear that comment.

"You should be sharing anyway," Forrest informed the captain haughily. "It's not nice not to share."

"Says who."

"Says God."

"Well, God should know by now he don't run things around here. I do. And these are mine, and if I don't wanna share 'em I don't have to."

"Everyone else has to share with you."

"Of course they do. I'm the captain."

"Malcolm," Forrest said, "you're acting like a five year old." Everyone started to laugh, including River from the bridge, although no one heard her. Mal stared down with Forrest, neither of them willing to give in. Finally, Mal too laughed along with the rest of them.

"Okay," he admitted, "fine. Guess nothing is mine anymore."

"That's right," Forrest said proudly, holding out his hand for a cookie reward. Mal gave him one.

Later that night, Kaylee relived the cookie scene in her head and chuckled. She needed something to distract herself. Nothing had gone right today at all. She still couldn't believe Simon had left them. The first time when mal had made him go, she was sad but it hadn't felt real so she didn't think too much on it. As it turned out, it really hadn't been real because he'd stayed with them. This time she had expected him to come back again, but he didn't. He really was gone forever and she had wasted so much time being hurt by him that they were hardly friends anymore. She liked being friends with Simon. He was something different, a fresh and naive perspective on everything she knew all about. She could go on explaining everyting about Serenity to him and he would listen because he didn't know anything about it. He made her feel smart even though they both knew he could run circles around her in the brains department. Hopefully whatever he was doing now was making him happy. That's what she had to focus on now.

Jayne climbed down into her room. "Hey, you."

"Hi," she said meekly.

"What's wrong?"

"Just... nothing, I'm fine."

"Let me guess... you're worried about the doctor."

"A little. Please don't be jealous, it's nothing like that."

"I won't." Kaylee knew right away he was lying, but he wasn't going to say so because he wanted to make her happy. He was sweet and frustrating like that. "So," he continued, "what'd you do today?"

"Oh, not much." Ha! What a lie. _Gotta tell someone some time._ "What about you? Find anything good?"

"Couple whore houses, few bars. Got into a god fight, stole a man's gun. Real beauty, too."

"You went to a whore house?"

"Went to several."

"You... And you get jealous because I miss Simon? I can't believe this, I..." Wow, this wasn't making her evening any better whatsoever. In fact, this only highlighted what a shittacular day this already was. "Get out of here, Jayne."

"What? Would you calm down a second?"

"How can I calm down when you spent your day having sex with who knows how many women? What am I supposed to say to that?"

"How about 'Thanks, Jayne.' " He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and dropped it onto her bed. A glittering silver chain fell out of it. Kaylee touched it cautiously. Losing patience, Jayne dumped out a black heart pendant covered in silver ivy strung on a sturdy silver chain. Kaylee stared at it, speechless. "I know, it's ugly," he said immediately, "but I figure it'd look a whole lot prettier to ya if i told you I spent all day goin to every whore house looking for it."

"Why?" she asked finally.

"Cuz that's where the guy who sells 'em was. Took near all damn day. Wang ba dan kept moving on me."

"Oh, wow... I don't know what to say."

"Just don't cry," he said, seeing the waterworks were already starting. "Say anything you like about it, just don't cry while you do it."

"It's pretty. I like it."

"That's a plus," he said, obviously relieved. "Some whore told me she'd seen better jewelry on a cow."

"She didn't know what she was talking about. Can I wear it?"

"Guess so. Didn't buy it so it could sit around."

Kaylee put it aroud her neck, smiling and crying despite Jayne's wishes. "I love it," she said. "Really."

He smiled sheepishly. "Good."

She looked at his face, studying him for a moment. He had done nothing but surprise her since the first time he'd kissed her. "You're a good man, Jayne Cobb," she informed him.

"Hell," he said, obviously embarassed. "Just got it so I could keep sleeping with you." Kayle giggled because she knew it was a lie, and for some reason his inability to be romantic made him all the more charming.

* * *

Two long, doctorless months passed. There was work to be had, food to be eaten, wine and beer to be drunk and laughs most every day. Now that Forrest wasn't so shy he was really a hilarious kid. No one wanted to say so, but he reminded them a lot of Wash. River wasn't doing too badly, considering. She had her crazy fits every now and again, but for some reason she seemed to be able to control herself right when things became too much for anyone else to handle. For example, on a job on some god forsaken jungle planet, she had seen a tiger in the trees above where the crew was harvesting something called Willoughby Ale, a type of plant that made the best cocaine lace. She stared at the tiger a few minutes, then started screaming which set off every other animal in a ten mile radius. Mal and Zoe couldn't restrain her, Forrest had started crying hysterically and Kaylee could't reason with her. Jayne was loading a tranqualizer dart into one of his guns when suddenly, River had started whimpering and laid herself on the jungle floor, crying and shaking but finally quiet. The tiger was long gone. What everyone else knew of the situation was that River had kind of snapped, lost all power to scream and was just waiting out the time until they left. What had actually happened, which only Forrest would have known if he hadn't been cowering beside some rock was that Wash had grabbed River's head and connected directly to her brain, making her lose all her ability to function without his say so. For a brief time she couldn't have even blinked unless Wash gave it the okay. It gave him a bitch of a headache for ten hours afterward, but at least no one had been attacked by unknown jungle creatures without a medic to cure their wounds (which probably would have been laced with poison from the animal's saliva.)

It was a regular morning at breakfast. The menu was oatmeal, milk powder stuff and biscuits that Jayne had made the night before. They were surprisingly good. Forest climbed into Zoe's lap and gave her a hug. "Good morning," he said cheerily.

"Morning," she replied, having gotten used to him invading her personal space for no apparent reason. She scooped oatmeal into his bowl and dropped it in front of him. "Eat all of it today."

"Yes, mother," he said, taking a big ol' scoop and shoving it in his mouth. Mal smirked and Zoe kicked him under the table, but continued as though nothing were amiss.

River sat down beside Kaylee, grabbed a bowl and for no apparent reason dropped it on the floor, her eyes darting around the room hastily. She climbed onto her chair, turning her head this way and that as though looking for something. Everyone watched her with great interest. Finally, her eyes landed on Kaylee and she screamed. _Oh, dear_. This was two days after the tiger incident.

"It pops from his chest," she muttered, raking her face with her fingers. "It pops from his chest and it kills him, latched to his face and laid its eggs and burst from his stomach!" She screamed again.

"River!" Mal snapped. "What in the hell are you saying?"

"Kaylee," she said, her voice low and panicked, "what is inside of you?"

Kaylee's face dropped. She looked around to everyone, who was either confused or scared. "I'm okay," she told River, though her tone of voice indicated she was not. "I'm fine." She touched River's arm and nodded. "Okay," she said again.

"I can't speak its language," River told her, coming down from her chair.

"What in the hell is going on?" Jayne asked.

"Uh," Kaylee said, dreading the next few words. "I guess now's as good a time as any. Captain, I don't think i can follow that no relationship rule anymore."

"Kay..." He had a feeling he knew where this was going. "Why?"

"Because I'm... expecting."

"Expecting what?" Jayne asked dumbly. In fairness to his intellect, he was subconsciously blocking the thought from his head.

"Baby," River said, touching Kaylee's belly tenderly. "It doesn't speak like humans."

"You mean to say you..." He pointed at her stomach. "Right now?"

"Uh huh." Well, this was sufficently awkward. Open up a hole and swallow me right now, thanks.

"How long have you known?"

"Uh..." She avoided Jayne's eye. "Since Simon left."

Now, it didn't add up to assume that she was having Simon's baby. The time was all wrong for it. But Jayne was a jealous man of that doctor, so hearing the words 'baby' and 'Simon' going together didn't sit right in his head at all. He threw down his fork and pushed back his chair. "Di lian biao zi," he spat, shaking with rage. "This is a fine time to tell me!'

"What did you call me?" she asked, hurt beyond all belief.

"You heard me." He grabbbed Forrest's juice cup and threw it into the wall. "Chi shi!" he screamed.

"Enough!" Mal yelled.

"Yeah," Jayne agreed, "that is enough." He stormed out of the kitchen, a whirlwind of Chinese profanity following behind.

Kaylee started sobbing. No one around her said anything. What could they possibly say?

Apparently, Forrest knew. "It's Jayne's," he announced confidently.

"Eww," said River. That made Kaylee cry harder.

"Well," Zoe said awkwardly, since Mal was beyond comment on the subject, "that's good, isn't it?"

"No!" Kaylee yelled. "I guess not. I don't know."

"He's just scared right now," Zoe said, trying to be consoling. "He thinks it's Simon's. He'll come around." _Jayne shouldn't be procreating,_ she thought. What a terrifying idea.

"I don't wanna talk about it," Kaylee sniffed, excusing herself from the table. The rest of the crew sat in silence, contemplating on whether this was good news or bad news.

"We got another kid," Mal said at last.

"Yeah," Zoe agreed.

"We got no doctor."

"Nope."

"We got a big problem."

"Yes sir."

"Simon," River said. Mal looked at Zoe, who shrugged.

"Simon," Mal repeated. "Might as well."


	10. Chapter 10

Forrest kept running around the ship trying to avoid the man finding him. The problem with running from an omnipitant presence is they they will always know where you are. The child ducked under the kitchen table, hugging his knees. Someone rapped on the table above his head. "No!" Forrest protested. "I don't want to anymore. Jayne scares me."

Wash was sitting on top of the table, his feet tucked underneath him. _Come on, Forrest. He's not going to hurt you. _

"But he's scary. I don't want to be a messanger anymore! I don't ant to be special and see everyone anymore, I want to me normal! Some of them are scary!" _They're not all scary, are they? And usually I'm with you. _"I don't want to anymore." Wash sighed. It must be a scary strange thing, being just a child and having such responsibility heaped on you. When he'd first met Forrest, the child was timid and afraid of the people he saw that weren't really there. His village thought he was an outcast, both cursed and blessed by God. Wash wasn't so sure that wasn't true. He couldn't imagine what life had been like seeing transparent, ash colored people walking around that no one else could see or hear.

_Forrest? You know why I'm here, right?_

The boy sniffed. "Yes. You're a helper." _That's right. I have to make things run smoothly on this ship. And right now, I need to help Kaylee. You heard her crying last night. _"Uh huh. Jayne made her sad." _Exactly. So we have to make it better. _"Why do I have to?" _Because they can't see me. _

Forrest shook his head. "He's scary when he's mad."

Again, Wash sighed. Cookies weren't cutting it for bribery today, and young kids didn't understand the concept 'for the greater good'. _Okay, Forrest._ He leaned over the table's edge and looked upside down at his young comrade. _If you help me with Jayne, I'll show them to you. _The got the kid's attention. "For really this time?" _For really for sure. But you have to help me first. _"Okay!" he agreed readily, out from under the table in seconds.

Jayne was lifting weights in the cargo area, sweating and cursing. He had lost count of how many reps he'd done, not that it mattered. There weren't enough negative words to describe the thunderous anger in his head. The barbell slammed onto its holding rack, the metal on metal ringing through the cavernous space. He cursed again, loudly.

_You shouldn't swear in front of children, Jayne. _

Forrest jumped down the stairs, practicing his counting as he went. There was no reason to be scared of Jayne, right? He wasn't going to hurt Forrest. Wash had said so, and Wash knew just about everything. Besides, just because Jayne was scary and mean and gruff and he had about a billion guns (it was actually seventeen, Forrest had counted once) didn't mean he wanted to hurt little boys. "Hi Jayne," Forrest said loudly, so as not to scare him the way he'd scared the captain.

"The hell do you want?" He wasn't in the mood for kids. Damnit. Kaylee was pregnant.

"Um..." He looked at Wash. Maybe he should have waited to see what Wash wanted him to say before he'd come running in. _Think you can be brave? _Forest nodded, unsure. _Okay then, tell him the baby is his. _

"Baby's yours."

"What?" Jayne snapped.

"I s-said baby's-"

"I heard you." He sat up, rubbing the sweat off his forehead. "Not that it's your business, or that I care, but how in the hell do you know that?"

"Because-" _No, no no! DO NOT tell him I said so. Tell him you know because...uh... _

"Because I know." River was leaning over the railing above their heads. She was balancing on her stomach, her feet high up in the air and her upper body hanging over so far she was almost upside down.

"You get outta here," Jayne demanded. "Not in the mood for you right now."

"The baby is yours because it sounds like you. It thinks like you, even though I can't understand it. And it would be impossible for it to be Simon's because they did not have have sex within the proper time. She is two and a half months in gestation and she and Simon-"

"Would you shut the fuck up with all this?"

"And you know it's yours because you just know. Because Kaylee would have told you long before this. You're just scared and jealous. Mostly scared."

"Hey," he yelled up to her, getting to his feet. "I ain't scared of some girl and a kid."

"You are so. You know you'll have to settle down. But that doesn't bother you." She was upright now, but walking along the bottom rung of the railing. Not on the side where there would be a floor to catch her if she fell. Wash clenched his fists, wanting to yell at her to get down but if he did that she'd stop talking to Jayne and then _he'd_ have to fix everything. Besides, her plan was working better than his, which was to say 'Stop being such a moron' and fleeing.

"What bothers you," River continued, "is that you won't make a good father. You'll be just like your dad, your kid will be just like you, and Kaylee deserves better then that, don't she?" She smiled widely at him. "You're already acting like your father," she said. "He didn't want you."

"I-" Jayne opened his mouth to protest, but closed it again. Being able to hop into people's minds had its perks. Wash concentrated, seeing Jayne's memories as they played in his head. A yougn woman with eyes like Jayne's handing a small child a bowl of something steaming, a tall, muscular man with Jayne's ruggedness flipping the bowl into his son's lap and yelling. A teenager with a knapsack on his back saying goodbye to his family, the father leaning in real close and whispering _"I didn't want you anyway."_ Jayne shook away the memories, and Wash felt himself being hurled from Jayne's mind. "I don't gotta stand here and listen to this happy shit," Jayne growled. "You don't know nothin, you crazy pain in the ass. Why dontcha fall off that railing and do us all a favor?" He didn't want River in his head spilling out his personal problems for everyone. He didn't want to remember is father or any of that shit. Mostly, he didn't want Kaylee to be forever stuck with the likes of him when she could've done a hell of a lot better for a father of her kid.

_Come on, Jayne, just go talk to Kaylee. Don't be such a damn pussy._

"Come on, Jayne" Forrest repeated to Wash's horror, "just go talk to Kaylee. Don't be such a damn pussy." River laughed right out loud. Wash thumped his head against the heel of his hand.

Jayne glared. "I can snap you in half," he threatened.

"Wash said you won't hurt me."

"Did he? Well weren't that nice of him. Fail to see how he could stop me."

_I can make you think so hard you bleed out your ears._ Jayne touched his temple. Damn, that'd hurt for a second. All this stress was giving him a headache for sure. "Lemme alone," he said finally, deciding to hide in his bedroom.

"Did I do good?" Forrest asked Wash. _Well, calling him a pussy might have been a mistake, but yes, you did fine. _"Oh good."

"Forrest?" River called down. "Twenty times ninety eight?"

"Nineteen sixty," he answered imediately. Wash stared at him in disbelief. _You can't count to ten without help but you can multiply that?_ "Guess so," he shrugged.

"Talking to Wash?" River asked.

"Uh huh."

"Is he okay?"

"Sure, I guess. He's been bothering me a lot."

"Wanna help me fly?"

"Yeah!" He ran off, up the stairs and even past River, who proceeded to chase him all the way to the cockpit. Wash sat himself down, hovering a few feet off the floor. Luckily for him, Forrest had forgotten about their bargain for the moment.

* * *

"What in the hell is that?" Zoe stared out the window, but she still couldn't make it out. "Looks like someone sneezed into space."

"Hell of a sneeze," Mal said, "since it's 'bout the size of a small planet."

"Glitter," River said, fascinated. She touched the ship's windshield delicately. "Pretty."

"How could that much glitter get into out there?" Kaylee asked, just as taken to it as River seemed to be.

There was a massive field of small, sparkly somethings floating around a few hundred yards ahead in the ship's path. They drifted lazily in space, swirling and floating like billions of fireflies.

"Stardust," Forrest informed them all. "It's legend that the stars cry and their tears are made into tiny bits of dust that float together through space. That's how come the stars always shine- they only cry one time and then they're happy forever."

"History lesson from Professor Forrest," Mal announced. "Thank you, kiddo."

"Dust comes inside the ship."

"Huh?"

"When we pass by it the dust will come inside."

"Inside the ship?" Mal shot a look to Zoe. "Is this something we should be worryin' about?"

"I've never heard of this stardust stuff," Zoe told the captain.

"There's no need to worry," Forrest assured them. "It doesn't hurt. It just makes you glow."

"How do you know so much about this stuff, anyway?" Jayne demanded. "That comet thing, now this. Thought you stayed on that hick planet all yer life."

"We studied stuff. Mostly about God and things. Bible talks a lot about outer space miracles."

"Mircles, huh?" Jayne turned his focus back to out the window. "Be a miracle we make it past this shit alive."

The stardust was getting closer. Mal was holding his breath. They couldn't very well go around it, and turning back wasn't an option. He could only hope they could drift through it and nothing would go wrong. Forrest had been right about the trailer comet, so he was banking on that. No one spoke as the tip of Serenity touched the stardust cloud and eased through it like a warm knife in melted butter. Sure enough, once the entire ship was surrounded, everyone inside started glowing. Tiny gold particles clung to their skin and hair. Kaylee waved her hand past her face, watching in quiet awe as her fingers glittered.

"I feel like a piece of jewelry," she swooned. River was trying to brush the dust off herself with no success. Mal wasn't worried so much anymore, although he hoped this stuff wasn't gonna gu up his engine any. Even Jayne had to admit it was pretty cool. He studied his arm.

Zoe's mouth hung open. "Oh my God..."

"Isn't it pretty?" Kaylee asked.

"Oh my..."

"What? What's wrong?" She looked to where Zoe was staring.

Wash was standing beside Forrest, glowing gold and white. Forrest was watching his own limbs with child-like fascination, indifferent to the man standing next to him. Wash waved to his wife half heartedly. _Hi. _

"OhmiGod!" Kaylee gasped. "Wash!" Now everyone turne to look at him. He looked surprisingly good- for a dead man. His skin was white as new fallen snow, but he glowed from the stardust and looked like an angel standing at the pearly gates. It was silent and awe-struck throughout the bridge.

Until, of course, River screamed. She only screamed once, and it was short but direct. Because she couldn't really ignore any emotions, the scream covered the fact that she was surprised and a little scared to see her dead crew mate. However, she had known all along he was on the ship, so her surprise ended as quickly as it had come.

"Can they see you now?" Forrest asked.

_Yeah, I guess so._

Forrest nodded. "Space miracle."

"Fuckin A," Jayne agreed.

Zoe walked over to her husband, still too shocked to speak. He honestly didn't know what to say to her. Should he be sweet, funny, or sincere? What was the right thing to say to her? Too bad there were no greeting telecom messages for the dead husband to give to his wife when she sees him in a field of stardust. She reached her hand out and touched his face. He felt it, but it was obvious she did not.

"Honey?" she whispered, and he knew she was going to cry. Woman hated cying. She hadn't even cried at his funeral, which he had been okay with. Break the tension, break the tension.

_Surprised? I've been harassing you guys for a while now._

Zoe smiled. "I know, I just... I couldn't see you before."

_I know. _Oh boy, this wasn't helping at all. He really wanted to hold her right now, but that wasn't going to happen. She might be able to see him from the star dust, but she still couldn't feel him. But apparently, she could hear him, which didn't make sense at all. Nothing made sense most the time.

"Wash," Forrest inetrrupted, "can we see them now?"

_See what?_

"Your wings." Wash groaned. He had promised, hadn't he?

"Wings?" Kaylee asked. "You got wings?"

_Sorta. _

"He's a helper," Forrest explained, as if that clarified.

"Angel," River said. Wash blushed.

"You're an angel?" Zoe asked, tears lining her smooth eyes.

"Show us your wings!" Forrest demanded. "While everyone can see, before the dust goes away!"

Okay, show them the wings. He braced hiself for it, knowing already it wasn't going to be pleasant. The pain started by his shoulderblades, where one would expect wings to sprout. There was a horrendous ripping noise, then a cry of pain from Wash as two long, feathered wings tore themselves from his back and spread out, spanning at least fifteen feet. He stood up and flexed them, making sure everything was moving and healing as it should be. He looked glorious, sparkling gold and brilliant white with enourmous alabaster wings majestically displayed behind him.

"Wow!" Forrest squealed with glee. "Cool!"

River got up to touch them, but her hand sliced right through the white feathers. Wash hissed in pain. "Does that hurt?" she asked. _A little. _

"Oh, baby," Zoe whispered, obviously too far gone for anything more profound. _Impressed? _He was hoping that would sound cute and not desperately sad, which is how he felt at this moment. "Very much," she told him, and she meant it. _I love you. _She started crying, really hard this time. The kind of crying she hadn't done in front of other people since she was a teenager. "I love you, too." How he had been wanting to say that to her since day one as Serenity watch dog. Now if he could just find a way to touch her...

"They're beautiful," she said, regarding his wings. He nodded. His wife was crying and he couldn't do anything to comfort her. Kaylee came to his rescue, putting an arm around Zoe and sobbing herself. You could always count on Kaylee to never let someone cry alone.

"They really are," Kaylee assured him. "Real pretty. We miss you an awful lot."

_Thanks, Kaylee. But I'm still here. You just have to learn to listen for me. _

"You mean, we can hear you too? Not just little Forrest?"

_No, you can too. Captain learned how._

All eyes turned to the captain, who seemed rather uncomfortable with everyone looking at him. "We had a talk," he admitted.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Kaylee asked innocently, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Cuz I don't really know how I did it, an' I ain't done it since." This was a lie- Wash had said a few things to him here and there. He just hoped that Wash wouldn't dispute his claim right now.

"How do we listen?" Kaylee asked Wash.

_Uh... I guess you just do. You know that litle voice in your head that tells you things, like a conscience? Most of the time, that's me._

"You can read our thoughts like River?"

"Not like me," River said. "He decides what to hear."

_Most of the time, yeah._

"How is it in my head?"

He decided to be honest. _Try not to go there too often. It's crowded. _

The glittering dust covering everyone and everything was starting to fade. Wash was becoming more and more transparent as the stardust disappeared. Zoe walked out of the bridge, not looking at or talking to anyone. She was crying hard enough to answer any questions that might have been directed at her. As suddenly as he had appeared Wash was gone, and the cloud of stardust floating behind the ship. Everyone looked at one another, hoping to hear Wash's voice. No one did.

"Is... is he gone?" Kaylee asked at last.

"No," Forrest said. "He's right there." He pointed at empty air.

"Goin' to my room," Jayne announced, hustling his way out the door. This was too uncomfortable for his liking, and secretly he'd gotten all choked up for a moment and didn't care to be shedding tears in front of everyone.

Kaylee gave Mal a hug, who reciprocated with one arm. They both knew what the other was thinking. River came in and invaded their embrace, and Kaylee accepted her easily. There wasn't a whole lot to say on the matter.


	11. Chapter 11

disclaimer: I disclaim that I didn't disclaim that I own these characters and stories. I do not own them. But one day I shall marry Joss and then I _shall_ own them.

* * *

Malcolm Reynolds had ordered Kaylee to stay on board, ordered River to stay with Zoe, and hadn't seen Jayne since just about as soon as Serenity had touched ground. _Well, he had better be back before we take off, that's all I can say. _He hadn't the faintest idea where he should be looking in this big damn city, but he had to start somewhere and the hospital was as good a place as any. Inside it was sterile and white and not very healing at all. If Mal had needed care here, he'd have died just to get away from the bright lights they had everywhere. Place looked like it was trying to hide something with all its sterility.

"Can I help you?" the woman at the front desk asked. She was dark skinned, big bosomed and looked in no mood to waste time.

"Yes ma'am, I'm looking for a doctor Simon Tam."

"Do you want him paged?"

"Paged? No, I jus' wanna know where he is."

"Well I don't know his exact coordinates at this time, nor shall I ever know unless I page him."

"I don't want to interrupt him if he's busy or some such thing. Could you just point me where he probably is?"

The woman frowned deeply at him, something Mal was certain she'd become an expert at. "Our doctors are on the move at all times here, sir. Unless I page him, I do not know where he is at this time."

"Okay," Mal said. Obviously he wasn't going to get anywhere with this woman. "Thank you."

"Unless you are planning to leave right now, you have to sign in."

"No, I'm goin," he assured her. As soon as she looked away, he made a beeline for the double doors. Not the exit ones- the ones leading into the bowels of the hospital.

* * *

Kaylee was swaying in her hammock, just passing the time. She wasn't allowed to leave the ship. She probably should have been sitting out front, getting some sun and fresh air, but at the moment she needed confort and there was no one better qualified for that then her baby girl Serenity. Baby girl. What if her baby was a girl? What would she name her? She giggled a little- maybe Jayne. Oh, Jayne. WHat was she going to do about Jayne? He had made it very clear by ignoring her for the past few weeks that he wanted no part in this child's life. Well, fine. If he wanted to act like a child, then he could and Kaylee would raise this baby on her own. She had exected more of thim, though. What kind of man just abandoned the mother of his child? Then again, how many children did Jayne have throughout the verse he didn't know about? Maybe hundreds, the way he went to bed with people. Why should her baby be any different? _Because it is dfferent. He cares about you. _Kaylee looked around. Had she imagined that, or...

"Wash?"

_Bingo._

She sat upright. "Oh, wow. I did it! I can hear you!"

_Good for you, bei bei._

"Still wish I could see you, though. You loked real good. You know, considering." _Considering I had a giant metal spike in my chest?_ "Well, yeah." _Yeah, I know. But I've always been gorgeous, so theres no surprise there._ Kaylee giggled. "So, um, what's this about Jayne?" _Ah, Jayne. You shouldn't give up on him so easily, little Kaylee. As surprised as even I am about this, he does care about you. _

She scoffed. "Sure got a funny way of showing it by not talking to me for three weeks straight." _He's just scared. That's all. Big responsibility, having babies. _"I'm sorry you and Zoe never had a chance to have them. You'd be a good daddy, Wash." She had started crying, and that made Wash start crying. _Thanks, Kaylee. Wish I could have tried it. _"Oh, no, are you crying?" _Nah, I'm fine. _"Don't cry, Wash!" she sobbed. "You can't cry around me, you know that or I'll start too. And now I'm pregnant an' all, so I'm really gonna cry a lot." _Oh, Kaylee... No more of this! Gah, I hate crying. I'm not supposed to be doing this, I've got nothing to cry about._ "Sure you do. Lots of things."

Someone was stomping down the hallway, their heavy footsteps echoing loudly. Jayne peeked into the engine room and gave Kaylee a funny look, obviously not expecting to find her crying her eyes out and talking to herself. "Uh, you busy?" he asked.

"Don't think so," she replied, wiping her eyes. At least now he was talking to her. "Whats up?"

"Just, ah... just wanted to see how you were is all." He tapped the doorway with his index finger. "Well, that's all."

_Liar! Liar liar liar, don't let him go! _

"Wait!" Kaylee called after him. Jayne stopped walking away, but didn't reappear in the engine room. "You sure that's it?"

"Yeah," he said unconvicingly, continuing on his t wherever he had been headed.

Kaylee pouted. "Well, that was a bust." _Ok, little girl. What are you doing sitting there? Go after him! _"Oh, Wash, what's the point? He confuses me so much! One second he's all nice and then he starts gettin' mean again! I don't know what to do. I mean, why should I go chasin after him when he's been ignoring me?" _Well, I gotta admit, I don't know. But you can't just let him walk off like that. _"Why not? He walked off on me." _Because you love him, don't you? _"I dunno, Wash. I don't know anything anymore." _Well, better learn fast, cuz he loves you. _"He... he does?" _Well of course he does. Now go find out what he wants. _

She didn't need telling twice. She hopped out of her hammock and ran after Jayne. Which way did he go? Most likely to his room, so that's where she checked first. "Jayne?" she called own. He didn't answer, but he was making noise so she knew he was there. She climbed carefully down the ladder (can't fall, might hurt the baby) and let herself in. "Hi there."

He threw a bag onto his bed. "Hey."

"Whatcha got there?" It was a way to break the ice, which desperately needed breaking.

"It's uh... What do you want?"

"I just... well, you been ignorin me for weeks now and all a sudden you're askin about me, so..." Her eyes had trailed to his gun rack, which looked unusual today. What was wrong with it? "...so I was just wondering why."

He shrugged. "Well, cuz I ain't said much to ya in a while, like you said, so thought I'd ask."

Aha! She'd pinpointed what was strange. "Where's Vera?" Vera, Jayne's favorite gun, was usually displayed front and center so he could grab it at a minute's notice. He loved that silly thing.

"She's... I sold her."

"You... what? Why would you do that, you love that thing."

"I know." He pointed at the cloth bag on his bed. "That's yours, by the way."

She opened it tentatively. Hundreds of small coins and waded bills fell into her lap. "This is mine? Why is this mine?"

"Cuz it just is."

Two and two were slowly becoming four. "Is this... this is what you got for Vera, isn't it?" He nodded. "By why is it mine?"

"So you can go see a doctor, get one of them scanny things of the baby."

"Oh, wow..." She was starting to cry again. She was so weepy recently. "Jayne, you didn't... I mean... I didn't want this, Jayne."

"Fine time to tell me," he said, only half-serious. "Already sold her, can't get her back so you better take it."

Kaylee didn't know what to do. He loved Vera in a way that was a little unhealthy between man and gun. But he'd given her up for Kaylee. So he must love her even more. It was a startling thing to realize, when you discover a man loves you enough to sacrifice what he holds dear. "Do you want to come?"

"Where?"

"To go see our baby."

"What, now?"

"Sure." She was already three months along, and she really wanted to know how the person inside her was doing. And what if Mal couldn't get Simon to come back? She'd need to see a doctor sometime. They were on a planet that obviously had adequate edical facilities. So what if the captain had ordered her to stay on the ship? He'd understand. And if he didn't Zoe would, which was almost as good.

Kaylee pushed the intercom button in the engine room. "Zoe!" she hollered.

A young but loud voice answered. "She's busy! She's baking for me!"

"Okay, Forrest, well tell her I'm going out wth Jayne and I'll be back soon."

There was a pause. "She says you're s'pose to stay put."

"It's important," Kaylee pleaded. "I'll be back real soon, I just... I wanna get myself checked by a doctor. A real one that can take pictures of the baby. Please, Zoe?"

The pause was longer this time, and it was Zoe's voice that answered. "Fine, get out of here. If Mal comes back before you, I'm telling him you two snuck out."

"Okay!" Kaylee agreed.

"Why'd captain ban you to the ship?" Jayne asked as Kaylee put her shoes on.

"Guess he didn't want me wandering around the city alone. And I wasn't exactly in spirits to bring someone along with me."

"Ain't too bad out there," he told her as they walked. "Be easy to get lost, but most everyone here's got their heads too far in their asses to pay much attention to you so you wouldn't find no trouble."

Jayne had been right- the city was enourmous and Kaylee fet a little lost just looking at it. He had also been right about the people in it- she got bumped into and tossed aside like a handkerchief. The building were cold and tall, made only of steel and glass. The people occuping the buildings weren't much better. One man elbowed Kaylee's ribs and shoved her aside. "Ow," she whimpered. That had been too close to her belly for comfort.

Jayne had punched the guy in the back of the head as he passed. "Watch it, he chusheng zajiao de zanghuo!"

"Chi shi!" the man spat back, making a gesture Jayne didn't recognize but gathered its meaning nonetheless.

"Jayne," Kaylee pleaded, "please don't start. I'm fine. Can't have you getting arrested right now."

He cursed a few more times, but let the man walk on. "Hate these high class doctor types," he muttered.

"They're not all that bad."

"Haven't met one that wasn't."

"Not one?" Obviously, she meant Simon. She did admit that when he first came on board he was a little, well, stiff. But he'd warmed up considerably and fit right in on Serenity. It shocked her a bit that he'd decided to stay here. This place didn't suit him at all.

"Not one," Jayne said coldly, and that was all he was ever going to say on the matter. "All these damn buildings look the same, guess we just pick and choose."

"I like that one," Kaylee said, pointing to a building across the street.

"Why? Looks like all the other ones."

"That one has a tree in front of it, like it cares about the life that lives there. Seems more welcoming. Reminds me a bit of the kinds of places back home. Of course, I can't imagine them building anything like this where I'm from."

"What's it like where you're from, anyway?"

"I never told you?"

"You told Simon once," he glowered. "I was half-listening."

"Well, it's a lot simpler than this place. Not like where we picked up Forrest, but closer to that then this. Everyone knows everyone. Lots of farms and family businesses and all that. Certainly didn't have any huge glass buildings." There were people weaving in and out between them, so it'd be easy for Jayne to cover up the fact that he wasn't really listening to her. But he was listening. And what's more, he even seemed a little ineterested. Boy, Wash sure had been right.

The hospital with the tree had been a bust- waiting time estimated three and a half hours. The next seven places were worse- four hours, six hours, three days, ten hours, eight hours, four hours, and sometime next year.

"Damn," Jayne cursed, "medical places 'round here are like fancy restaurants- have to book in advance."

"Well, we're bound to find one eventually."

"Yeah, too bad the ship'll leave without us by then. We been walking around for two hours already!"

Two hours was also the amount of time Mal had been walking around his own hospital. He wasn't entirely sure that this was the right hospital. Would be too bad if it weren't, because there were at least fourty others he'd have to check and he'd spent too much time here as it was. Problem was, he couldn't seem to find his way out. This place was worse than the mazes of Galladie. No one stopped him, everyone too busy with their own lives and problems to be too concerned about him. That was real unsettling for an Alliance hospital. If he could find out which way was what, he could probably liberate them of some supplies and just walk out the front door unnoticed. Not a bad idea.

This walk was taking forever. Why hadn't he just let the nurse up front page Simon? _Because your stupid and you didn't want him to know you were coming. _Thank you, Wash. Didn't really need an answer to that. Wash was right, though. He had wanted his being there to be a complete surprise. It was easier to get someone to do what you want if they didn't have time to prepare a refusal. "Okay, Wash," Mal said aloud, not caring if any of the hospital patients thought he was crazy. "If you've been here the whole time, why the hell don't you make yourself useful?"

_Because one, I ain't been here all the time, and two, I'm having a hard enough time trying to keep people from walking through me. Which is hard to do with wings sticking out in every direction. _"Why do you still have those?" _Hurts more to put them back then take them out, that's why. Haven't been in the mood to cause myself some pain recently._ "Fair enough. Can you at least tell me where I can find my doctor?" _Yes, I can do that._ He closed his eyes and concentrated- not an easy thing to do when you're worried someone's gonna walk through you. Where was Simon? Using his hands... table of medicine... no tools... scalpal? Was he in surgery? No, his face was uncovered. But he was thinking real hard...Forget the face, find out where...where... Basement. Sharpening his own scalpal. He still wouldn't let the hospital do it._ Basement, Captain._ "Well, that's good to know. How in the hell do I get there?"

"Are you an angel?" a litte voice asked. Mal turned, startled, toward where the voice had come from. There was a small girl lying in a bed, tubes coming from almost every opening she had (and some that were created just for tubes). She had no hair but dark, piercing eyes.

"Sorry?" he asked her.

"Is he an angel? Your friend there."

"Well," Mal said, scratching his head, "he got wings?"

"Yup."

"Glowey fella, white colored?"

"White like starlight."

"Then he must be, mustn't he?"

The girl wasn't looking at Mal anymore. She was looking at the end of her bed. "They're real pretty," she said, reaching out to touch something Mal couldn't see. Most likely Wash's wing. _Yeah, I like them. _"Can you fly?" _Course I can. _"How come I can see you?" _Uhh... I guess you're special._ The girl smiled, laying back on her pillow. "Maybe Jesus loves me special." _Must be._

As soon as her eyes closed, Wash ran from that room, not even caring that his wing sliced right through Mal as he passed him. _Let's go, captain. _

Mal followed (at least he was pretty sure he was following) towards what looked like a stairwell. "What was that all about?" _She's dying. _That was all that needed to be said.

Down, down, down further still they went, the stairway pleasantly deserted. Everyone else was using the elevator like smart people. Mal hadn't even suggested it. The thought of sticking Wash into a crowded elevator with wings that stuck out at least fifteen feet didn't seem like the best thing to do to the guy. "Are we there yet?" Mal asked, knowing they weren't but sick of looking at floor after floor after floor go by. _Sure, we're there. All those steps below us? Illusions. _"All right, all right. Smartass." The walk to the bottom wasn't as long as it seemed to be, but even that shortness was still too long. MAl was quite glad when they reached the very last floor and could not go down another step. _Okay Captain, I'm leaving you to your devices. _

"You're leaving? Why?" _Because trust me, Mal, you don't want me around for this._ Mal blushed. "Whatever it is you think is gonna happen, it ain't, got that? We need Simon because Kaylee's expecting, not cuz... Not for anything else." _Sure thing, Mal._ The hallway was cold for a brief moment, colder than a basement normally is. "Wash?" Silence. Well, guess he actually left. That did not make Mal feel all that much better. There were five doors in the hallway, then it came to an intersection and he could go either left or right. He peeked into the doors as he passed, hoping he wouldn't have to wander too much down here. It wasn't very inviting, much like the rest of the hospital. All these were storage rooms. What in the hell would Simon be doing down here? It was then that Mal saw him. He froze, looking through the tiny chicken wire window that peered into the room. Simon's back was to the door, his head bent low. He was concentrating on something. From what Mal could see he looked real good. _Real_ good. _That ain't why you're here,_ Mal scolded himself, but thought it just the same. He squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. If there was one thing Malcolm Reynolds was, it was confident. He opened the door.

The door opened behind him, but he didn't ook up. Probably some janitor looking for supplies to restock a room upstairs. They all knew Simon well enough by now to know why he was down here. After spending so much time on Serenity taking care of his own equipment, he didn't let anyone else touch it anymore. While everyone teased him about it, they knew better then to suggest otherwise. Simon glanced at his watch. About two thirty. Maurice, or Big M as he liked to be called, would be on his shift about now. It had become an odd habit, but Simon found himself more familiar with the custodial staff than the medics. "Hey, Big M," he said cordially, still keeping his eyes on his knife. "I expected you here fifteen minutes ago."

Mal stopped. Big M? Since when the hell did Simon refer to him as Big M? What an awful name. And how could he have expected him? Maybe the nurse had paged him after all. Now was the moment to say something- probably something snarky in regards to the Big M coment- but nothing came to mind.

"So," Simon, holding up his scalpal to make the light bounce off it, "how's your wife?"

It finally dawned on Mal that Simon did not know it was him after all. Excellent. "Saffron? I dunno, well enough I suppose. Probably remarried."

Simon dropped the scalpal. It landed on the table of tools with a metallic clatter. "Malcolm," he said, his voice choked and small.

"Are we off Big M already?"

"I thought you were someone else."

"Thought or hope?"

Simon turned around. It was indeed Malcolm Reynolds standing at the door. "Thought," he said. First question he thought- What the hell are you dong here? Question that came out-"How have you been?"

"Been fine."

"How's River?"

"She's okay. Found herself a husband, got married last week. Kaylee was maid of honor, wore that damn pink thing."

"She what?"

"I know, wasn't my first choice of outfit but Kaylee was determined so-"

"River... she... she's married?"

"Nah," Mal said, breaking his serious face and giving Simon his patented lopsided smile. "Just messin with ya."

Simon clutched his chest. "Don't do that to me," he said, trying to make himself relax. There was no reason to be nervous.

"River's fine. Hasn't been the same since you left, which isn't altogether a bad thing. Forrest got himself real attached to Zoe, she don't seem to mind so much anymore. Wash still hangs about. We, uh... we saw him once."

"You did? When, how?"

"Long story on that one."

"I have time."

"Sure you ain't going into surgery soon or something? Place like this looks like you don't get a lot of free time."

"I don't," Simon said truthfully. "But I can spare a minute for this."

"Okay. You ever hear of a thing called stardust?"

"Um... in books when I was a kid, maybe."

"Well, we found us some stardust field in the middle of nowhere, and we went through it and then we could see Wash."

Simon nodded. "Okay." It wasn't the strangest thing he'd ever heard of. Just one of them. "How'd he look?"

"Looked great, I guess. He's got wings now."

"Wings? Like bird wings?"

"Like angel wings. Big old things stretch out fifteen feet or so. Looked real impressive."

"Wow."

"Yeah." Why in the hell am I talking about Wash? That ain't why I'm here. He cleared his throat. "So, I was wondering... You all set in this place?"

"Well, yes, I am. I like it. This is what I'm used to, what I went to school for." What do you want, Mal? Please ask and end this awkwardness.

"Good, good. Happy for you." Say it just say it just say it. "We don't have a medic yet."

"No?"

"No. And what's more, Kaylee's pregnant."

"She... are you serious?"

"Yep."

"Jayne?"

"Yep."

"Oh, God. That's awful." He caught Mal's smirk. "I mean, not awful, but... Jayne? _That's_ awful."

"Funny, Zoe had a similar notion."

"Is she happy about it?"

"That's hard to say. She cries a lot, and Jayne's been ignoring her a lot. Thought it was yours, I think."

"_Mine?" _Momentary panic swept over him, but it subsided. Of course it wasn't his. The timing was all wrong. "But obviously it's not. Why would he think that?"

"Don't rightly know. Think it's because she said she'd known about being pregnant since we dropped you off, and in a jealous man's mind you can believe even the unbelievable in the right circumstances."

"She's know that long? That's almost three months ago! Why didn't you-"

"Tell you? What difference would that have made? 'Sides, we didn't know until just a week ago ourselves. She didn't tell anyone."

"Wy would she do that? How was she supposed to get checked out, the first three months is crucial to development."

"She didn't have no one to ask about it. You'd already gone."

Simon folded his arms. "Don't try to make me feel guilty about this, Mal. I didn't know when I left."

"I ain't making you feel anything." He looked at the young doctor. There was something different about him for sure. Something missing.

"Mal," Simon said softly, "why are you here?"

That was hard to say. "Kaylee needs a medic on board. She can't go through this hopping from place to place, she needs someone who knows her, someone she's comfortable with."

"I can't," he told him. It felt just awful turning his back on Kaylee like this, but he just couldn't go back on that ship. Not with Mal.

"You gonna send me away? Make me go back there and tell that girl that her doctor, he _friend_, said he can't help her when she needs him most?"

"Mal," he said angrily, "that's not fair! That's not how this is, that isn't what this is about!"

"Then what is this about, Simon? You better give me a good reason to tell her, cuz I don't know what the hell I'm gonna say when she starts crying on me."

"This is about you!" he shouted, and oh how good it felt to finally be talking about it. "This isn't about her, and whether or not I want to go back there and help her. This is about you and me and how I can't set foot on that ship knowing that you're there." He wanted to hit Mal, he wanted to hurt him and get out all this frustration that'd been building up over the months. "What you did to me was completely unfair. I never saw it coming, and then I didn't even have a chance to have my say in things before you shut yourself off and I couldn't get a word in edgewise." Thankfully the door behind Mal was shut. His voice was echoing off the walls of the supply room loud enough. If it escaped into the hallway, the whole hospital would probably be able to hear him. He lowered his voice just the same. "I want you to know that I was there, Mal. I was outside your room that night, and I was scared out of my mind but I was there anyway and I was going to go in. And I saw your light go off so I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me. You wouldn't even talk to me the next day, so I couldn't tell you that I was there and I was sorry." Mal's eyes had gotten scared and distant, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. They were such deep eyes that Simon had to look away or he'd forget why it was he was angry. He turned back to his tools on the table and picked up his knife. "So when you go back to your ship, you can tell Kaylee she doesn't have a medic because of your stupid rule and your damn ego."

Now would have been the perfect time for Mal to make amends. Now would be been absolutely perfect to admit to Simon (and himself) that it wasn't just Kaylee that needed Simon back on that ship. He should have told the doctor that he had been thinking about him every day, and he was right, Mal's ego had gotten in the way of everything. It had destroyed everything he could have had with Inara, and it was destroying what he could have with Simon. Now would have been the time for Mal to grab Simon, turn him around and kiss him like he'd been wanting to for months. Now was one of those moments you didn't get all too often, and if this one walked on by the next one might never come. He waited five seconds too late.

Mal reached for the door, ready to go back on his ship and simply tell everyone that Simon wasn't coming. It had been a good try, but it hadn't worked. They'd have to figure something else out. Maybe Kaylee would have to leave the ship and go home. And maybe Jayne would go with her, leaving him out two crew members. Or maybe he should do what he did do. He turned back to Simon, grabbed his shoulder and spun him around quickly, ready to finally kiss his mouth and this time, he'd let Simon have a say in things.

But that didn't happen. As soon as Simon was facing him, he stopped. His breath caught itself in his throat. Simon's eyes were wide and surprised, studying Mal's face. His hands were on Simon's shoulders, and they tightened their grip ever so slightly. He looked down.

Blood was oozing from his stomach, following a perfectly clean slice that ran across his entire midsection. The scalpal in Simon's left hand, blade pointed out, was dripping with fresh blood.


	12. Chapter 12

disclaimer: BLah blah blah, I'm not Joss Whedon, blah blah.

* * *

"Oh my God, Mal!"

Mal stumbled back a few steps, letting go of Simon's shoulders. It didn't hurt so much. Of course it hadn't, it'd been a nice, clean cut. Scalpels didn't really hurt when they cut because they were so sharp. He had been more surprised at the smooth, cold steel that invaded his skin. Then the blood, so much it scared him, had started pouring all over his clothing and dripped onto his shoes. He couldn't look away from his stomach.

Simon was staring at Mal, his eyes wide and alarmed. He dropped the scalpel to the floor indifferently. Until the tidy clinking of the steel blade on the perfectly shined tile floor broke the silence, Simon couldn't move. "Mal," he said, finally snapping back. "I am so, so sorry..." His hands were quick and precise, unbuttoning Mal's vest and pulling his shirt over his head. The captain didn't put up much of a fight. The wound wasn't too deep, but it certainly required stitches. Simon guided Mal gently but firmly to the table where he'd been sharpening his tools, folding the towel they had been resting on over them and tossing them to the floor. Some of them fell out and displayed their blades threateningly. Mal sat (or fell, whichever you please) back onto the table. Simon stepped up on the table and pulled crisp white towels off a shelf high above Mal's head. Several fell to the floor, hiding the menacing blades from sight.

The doctor's hands were nimble, his motions quick. As soon as his feet had hit the floor again, he had begun working on Mal. He shoved the man flat onto his back, leaving the wound exposed and easily accessed. Apply pressure to the wound, get the bleeding to subside before moving him. Getting him to a room where he could actually sterilize a needle and stitch him up would require a lot of effort on Mal's part. There was no way Simon was leaving him alone down here, not even to yell out the door for someone to get help. Simon had worked under pressure before, thanks to Serenity, and he could handle this. This was next to nothing on the 'Oh shit' scale.

"Stay still," he told the captain, holding the white towel to Mal's wound. They were soaking up the blood well, and with luck it would cease bleeding enough to be able to move in the next few minutes.

Mal lay there, looking up at the flourescent lights and trying to keep his head from spinning out of control. He had put all emotion out there. He had tried to kiss Simon. Then he had been stabbed. This wasn't exactly the moment he had been hoping for. This wasn't right at all. He slapped Simon's hand away.

Simon, startled, looked at Mal's face. "I need to put pressure on it to stop the bleeding-"

"No," Mal said soberly. "I don't care much for Alliance hospitality, and this is an Alliance hospital, isn't it?"

At first, Simon wasn't sure he was hearing right. Was Mal refusing treatment? "Mal, come on. Just let me-"

Mal slapped his hand away again. "No." He sat up, groaning and bleeding.

"No, Mal, don't do that. You're going to lose a lot more blood then you need to. Just let me-"

"_No_." He looked deep into Simon's eyes. The boy kept trying to continue with his job, obviously not getting it. He grabbed Simon's right hand and held it firm. "I'm not letting anyone work on me but my medic."

"Mal, you don't have a medic." Simon couldn't look away from those eyes. They scared him more now then they had when Mal had been angry with him. What were they trying to tell him? "Let go of me. Please. You need-"

"No. I'm not letting anyone touch me but my medic. Not some Alliance, overpaid doctor. _My_ medic." He sure hoped Simon would understand soon- he was getting woozy.

Simon understood. But he didn't want to. "Mal please, just..."

"No. No one works on me but _my medic_." He pulled Simon close to his face. You could say for dramatic effect. Or you could be right and say because his line of vision was getting hazy and Simon was just beyond that line where he could see. Nonetheless, his eyes were piercing and he was not letting up on that medic. Simon could feel Mal's breath on his cheek. It was making him all manner of uncomfortable.

"M-mal..." he stammered. "Please."

"No one works on me but my medic. If he ain't here, I ain't staying."

A near lifetime of time passed before Simon could say anything. "Okay," he agreed. "Okay." He gently touched Mal's chest, convincing himself to feel for the man's heartbeat. Mal released his grip on Simon and laid back down, taking in a few deep breaths. He closed his eyes and let Simon's soft hands wander his body, and he knew they were lingering longer than a doctor's should have to on a patient.

Mission accomplished. Serenity had a medic.

* * *

Kaylee and Jayne eventually found themselves a place that could see them within the half hour. Kaylee sat in the waiting room of the big, sterile hospital feeling as twitchy as a bug. Jayne, on the other hand, was viscous and slow. 

"You okay?" she asked, a little worried she might not be the only one having to see a doctor today.

"Yep," he told her plainly. Aparently there wasn't a word more to it, so Kaylee looked around the waiting room at the other moms to be. Some had big bellies, some looked real nervous. One mother was singing softly to her stomach and smiling. Kaylee watched this mother the most. She seemed so happy, just her and her child. Like the rest of the world didn't matter. Kaylee touched her own belly.

"Think I'm gonna sing to her," she told Jayne. "Or him. They say music helps, you know?"

"Helps what?"

"I dunno. Just helps. Makes the baby happy and smart and such. Maybe he'll grow up to be a doctor."

Jayne snorted.

"Miss Frye?" a lovely nurse called to her from the doorway. "Dr. Mitchell will see you now."

"Can he come too?" Kaylee asked, indicating Jayne.

"Of course he may." The nurse, whose name was Violet, ushered them into a standard Alliance hospital room. The only difference between this one and any other one was that this one had all the necessary equipment for pre-birth baby pictures.

"I'm Dr. Mitchell," an elderly man told them. He reminded Kaylee a bit of Sheperd Book, and she was saddened for a moment. She would've liked Book to see her baby, to have him give it a blessing when it was born. She would like Wash to be able to hold it, and for the baby to eventually open its eyes and see him. It was terribly sad to know that Wash could only see her child from behind the veil of death, that he couldn't ever say anything to it. This whole subject of people she missed was making her sad, and she didn't want to start crying again.

Sonogram technology is pretty much the same in the future- goo on the belly, cold rolly thing. The major difference is the clarity of the picture and that it's no longer on a dark black screen, but three dimensional and floating in the air. Kaylee was all smiles as Dr. Mitchell explained the heartbeat, the fingers, toes and head of it all. Jayne stared at it like it was Chinese algebra.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Kaylee gushed to Jayne, touching his arm.

"Looks like a peanut," he said truthfully.

"But it's _my_ peanut. This is life inside of me, Jayne. Don't you think that's amazing?"

"Err..." What did he think? "Think it looks like a peanut."

Kaylee rolled her eyes good naturedly. She hadn't expected Jayne to be gushing with fatherly pride, and he wasn't letting her down in that aspect. While Dr. Mitchell explained to Kaylee what to expect in the months to come, Jayne studied the picture of the person in her belly. Really studied it. It was an ugly peanut, but it was alive and he had helped make it.

"Do you want to know your baby's gender?" the doctor asked, a twinkle in his eye telling them he already knew the answer.

"Really?" Kaylee beamed. "You can tell me?"

"Sure I can. DNA's a beautiful thing." He typed on the keyboard expertly, then swiveled his chair around towards the sonogram. Kaylee grabbed Jayne's hand and squeezed it. He squeezed it quickly, then dropped it and stood up. "Goin to the bathroom," he explained, and left before she could protest. She pouted, but only for a moment.

"You sure you wanna know?" Dr. Mitchell teased. "Don't want it to be a surprise?" Kaylee shook her head. "Okay, you have a healthy boy growing inside you."

"A boy!" Oh, it was wonderful! Of course, a girl would have been wonderful too, someone she could braid her hair with and all that, but still... a boy. What would she call him?

When Jayne returned, she expected him to at least ask what the verdict was. But he didn't. He said he'd already paid for the visit and they had to get going ASAP before Serenity took off without them. They reached the front doors when a voice called out behind them.

"You were supposed to stay put."

Kaylee spun around to find Mal and Simon (Simon! Hooray!) walking towards the doorway. Mal's clothes were bloody and ripped. "Mal!" she gasped, "what happened!"

"Doc wouldn't come back without a fight. We had a duel."

"That's not true!" Simon said immediately. "He scared me. I cut him with the scalpel."

"There's a good sign," Jayne muttered.

Kaylee hugged Simon tightly. "You're back?" He nodded. "I'm glad."

"You're pregnant," he said, looking her over. Yes, she did look pregnant. Pleased about it, too. "Congratulations to both of you."

"Can we go?" Jayne said irritably. "This place is too clean and quiet for me. Like walking in a big damn tomb."

"Tomb that smells like fake pine," Mal agreed. "Let's go."

* * *

It was just before dinner, and Simon was rearranging his things in his room. Not much had changed sine he left. 

"Hello."

He spun around, startled. His sister was lurking in his doorway, looking neither happy or sad. "Meimei," he said. He wasn't sure how this was going to turn out. With River, you never knew.

"I missed you," she said.

"I missed you too."

"And?"

"And... And I'm sorry. Really sorry for leaving you."

"And?"

"And... You were right. I belong here."

"And?"

"And what?" _She wants to know what happened with Mal._ But he wasn't going to tell her. She could pry in his mind all she wanted, he couldn't stop that. But he wasn't going to say a word on it.

"And?"

"And I love you, meimei. And I missed you and I'm sorry and I was wrong. That's all you get. Am I forgiven?"

"Not today," she said truthfully. "But in time maybe."

He accepted that. Not like he had a choice in things anyway, but he understood. River came in and hugged him, and for that he was glad.

"Eat," she told him.

"Yes," he agreed. "Eat. I haven't had hardtack and grool for ages."

River took her brother's hand as they walked toward the kitchen. "This makes you sad?"

"No, actually, it doesn't make me sad. I'm going to miss real food."

"Will you miss Violet?"

He froze. Oh, dear. This was something he hoped to avoid. "Maybe a bit," he said, trying to sound indifferent.

"Maybe more than a little bit?"

"I don't know, I haven't been away long enough." Even without being able to read his mind, River could always somehow tell what he was thinking.

"She kissed you once."

"Yes, she did."

"And you didn't like it?"

He had to think about that one. It had been quite unexpected, a stolen kiss late one night while he had been in the supply room eating an extremely late dinner. He didn't like the staff lounge, it made him uncomfortable. There were too many people who sneered at him because he had worked on a firefly. Some of them knew he was THE Simon Tam, brother to the Alliance's number one most wanted, scoundrel who uncovered Miarnda, a secret (in their opinions) best left covered. At school those young, hard men would be his best friends. Now he couldn't stand more than five minutes of their company. Violet, though, had been sweet and genuine. She was a lot like Kaylee, in many ways. She had been nice. But like Kaylee, there just wasn't that neccesary spark to ignite some kind of passion in him. So when she kissed him, he sat there, startled, and when she walked away and gave him a coy girlish look over her shoulder he felt no pressing desire to follow her for a follow-up.

"I liked it fine," he decided to tell his sister.

"She was like Kaylee."

"Yes."

"Not like Mal."

His shoulders tensed. "No."

"And she didn't interest you."

"Not as much as I guess I interested her."

"What does interest Simon?"

"Dinner," he told her, hoping that would end the conversation. It wouldn't. Her eyes were expecting more. He ran his fingers through his hair, unknowingly mimicking what Mal did whenever he was uncomfortable. "I guess after spending so much time on Serenity, I can't live with the same bland people anymore. I need... something else."

"Passion."

"Sure," he blushed. Not the conversation to be having with baby sister.

"Unexpected force. Something to knock you around a bit, maybe make you bleed. Someone who you'd least expect."

"You mean Mal, right?"

She nodded triumphantly. "I mean to say."

"Let's not talk about this anymore, okay? Or ever again for that matter."

"You didn't come back for Kaylee."

"She needs a-"

"And you didn't come back for me." He couldn't dispute that, because it was true. "You came back because of the captain."

"He asked me to come for Kaylee, I said yes."

"That's not why you're here."

"That's why I'm here as far as you'll ever know." It was a figure of speech, because she would know the real reason no matter what he told her. "Let's leave it at that."

"What do you think will happen when he kisses you again? People will ask."

"No, they won't. Because it won't happen." He walked ahead of her into the dining room to avoid further discussion.

"Hi, Simon!" Kaylee said cheerfully. "It's real good to have you back on board."

"I threw up once," Forrest informed him as he sat down. "Captain cursed at you for not being there to clean it."

Simon gave Mal a look. "Really."

Mal smiled, his face tinting pink. "Bio-hazard and all. Thought you'd be best qualified for the job."

"Made me do it," Jayne grumbled, heping a big 'ol spoonful of flake potatoes onto his plate. "Shouldn't be letting this kid eat ever again. That was vile."

"We keep talking about this," Kaylee interrupted, taking the bowl from Jayne, "and you're gonna have mine to clean up as well." Jayne let go of the oversized bowl quickly. It fell to the table with a thump, Kaylee still holding it as tight as she could. Conversation stopped for a few seconds, like a record that had skipped on its turntable. It lulled back into flow smoothly, and looking back on the evening no one would remember it.

* * *

There was something Kaylee and Jayne weren't talking about. It sat between them wherever they went like a fat man on a train, taking up room but no one wanted to call attention to it. Kaylee decided that she had to approach him with it. Did Jayne want this baby? He was sitting in the common room with Zoe, Forrest and apparently Wash. The young boy was translating a conversation between Zoe and her late husband as Jayne read something from a newspaper at least a year old. She wasn't sure she wanted to be bringing it up in front of other people, but she could never seem to catch him alone anymore. Maybe he was purposely trying to avoid this conversation. 

"Jayne?" He lifted his head and looked over at her. "I gotta ask you something."

"No," he said immediately. "Not now. Don't wanna talk about it now."

"But we gotta talk about it sometime."

"Not now."

"Yes, now." She took up the seat beside him and grabbed the paper from him. He didn't resist much. "There are some things I need to know before... Well, before I get too pregnant." Kaylee glanced over at Zoe, who was obviously focusing her attention off Kaylee and Jayne to give them privacy without making them uncomfortable.

"Do you expect me to marry you?" Jayne blurted out.

"Do I... wait... what? Where'd that come from?"

"What?" Zoe asked, apparently unable to keep herself from listening in any longer.

"He asked if I expected to marry him."

"What, like a shotgun wedding?"

"I guess so."

Zoe snorted. "I call shotgun."

"Forget it," Jayne snapped. "I just asked a simple damn question, I don't need you two stepin all over me."

"No," Kaylee said, trying to mend his bruised ego best she could. "It was a good question. Just unexpected."

"Well damn, Kaylee, I don't know what you want from me! You don't even tell me you're knocked up, I gotta find out from River. _Two damn months_ and you don't say a word! When the hell were you gonna say somethin, when it popped out?"

"No, I was going to say something, but... I was scared, Jayne. And I didn't want this."

"This? This what, what the hell is this?"

"This right here! You! I didn't want you to get all mad at me. But you did anyway."

"Course I did!" he shouted, making even Zoe flinch. "It sprung up outta nowhere!"

"Stop shouting," Kaylee said calmly. She had prepared herself for this, and damnit she was not going to cry. "I don't want shouting in front of my baby. Dr. Mitchell said they get upset by shouting."

Jayne stood up, letting is arms fall to his sides. "Your baby," he said flatly. "So that's that, then."

"What's what?"

"You been makin it clear since I found out that this is _your_ kid, _your _problem. So much for me."

"I didn't mean to leave you out, I just... I didn't know if you wanted to be a part of his life. You haven't been acting like you do."

"Well you never asked, did you?"

"Do you?"

"Of course I do! What kind of wang ba dando you think I am?"

"You... do?" She was stunned. Stunned and unbelievably pleased. "Oh, Jayne..."

"Oh, no," he said, holding up his hands defensively. "No, don't you start crying."

"Okay," she said, having already started. She got up and threw her arms around him. "It makes me real happy to hear you say that."

"Really?" He finally gave in to the embrace and hugged her hack. "If that's all it takes..."

"That's all," she said seriously. "I'm a simple girl."

"Sure, I know that. But you girls aren't never as simple as you like to believe." He nuzzled his chin against her hair, which smelled faintly like them strawberries she was so fond of. "For instance, you're crying your eyes out for no good reason right now."

"You just always surprise me, Jayne. I never know what to expect from you."

He kissed her forehead tenderly. "You keep saying that." He had no idea why she kept saying it, because he had been told all his ife that he wasn't hard to read. His mind worked simply and sometimes, according to his mom, not at all. How could this girl think he was so complicated? She was the one who was complicated. Having babies, loving Simon. Or not. Loving him. Probably not. He pulled out of the hug.

"Are they gonna get married?" Forrest asked Zoe.

"I don't know," she told him.

"Let's go," Jayne whispered to Kaylee, suddenly all to aware that Zoe, Wash and Forrest were watching this little heart to heart. He didn't like it. He took her hand and draged her away to the hallway. Kaylee wiped her eyes, smiling happily. Jayne stopped walking. "Is it a boy or a girl?" he asked out of the blue.

He hadn't asked her since she had found out, and the question really surprised her. What surprised her more was that she hadn't told him yet despite is seeming disinterest. "You sure you wanna know?"

Jayne nodded. "Hope it's a girl."

That surprised her. "Why?"

"So you got someone to get all dressy with 'an brush her hair an' all that stuff you do with River."

"That'd be nice. But I'd find things to with a boy, too. Boy things."

"Moms can't do boy things. They try, but it don't work." He knew that one for sure.

"Well, Serenity's got plenty of boys to occupy him, anyhow."

He nodded. "So, it's a boy, isn't it?"

"Yeah, he's a boy."

"Think about what you're gonna call him?"

"I thought I'd ask you first."

"Ask me? Why? I don't care what you call him."

"Didn't you just say you wanted to be a part of his life?"

"That involves naming him?"

"Well sure. His name is a big part of him, it defines who he is."

That was something that Jayne had never heard of. "How in hell can your name define you? I mean, you don't really become a person until you're older, an' you're already well named by then." After all, he'd been made fun of his entire life because he had a girls' name. That didn't make who he was.

"I guess so. But it still matters, and we can't just not call him anything. And besides, I think names do matter." She smiled sweetly at him. "I can't imagine being called anything but Kaylee. It fits me. And I don't think you'd be the same man if you weren't Jayne."

"Well, we ain't callin him Jayne, that's for damn sure."

"Okay, we won't. And we don't have to think of it now. But soon."

"Fine."

Kaylee touched Jayne's cheek softly. "So, are we okay now?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"You sure? Cuz if you're still mad at me, I don't want you actin like it's all fine and blowin up on me later."

"Damn, girl, the amount you worry exhausts me." He kissed her mouth. "We're fine. And I wasn't mad at you. Just mad."

"But why?"

"I dunno, ain't you never been just mad at stuff? Like how unfair this seems?"

"Unfair?" She had been thinking it was great. Unexpected, but still wonderful.

"Yeah. Unfair that I knocked you up, and now we got a whole new load of problems to deal with. Like now you're stuck with me."

"You know, Jayne, this isn't your fault."

"Sure ain't yours."

"No, I mean it's no one's. Or both of ours. Not like I didn't lend a hand in things, you know?" God, he was acting like a teenager who'd knocked up his teenage girlfriend. Next he'd be telling her he needed to 'act like a man' and 'go find work'. She giggled at the thought of it.

"What?"

"Nothin, nothin." She'd hate for him to think she was laughing at him, especially since they'd just made up. "I'm glad we're friends again."

"Friends," he nodded. Jayne sure didn't care to get all mushy feely, emotionally unstable and exposed and all that crap. Kaylee made him do it a lot and he sometimes hated her for it. Now wasn't one of those times. Almost, but not quite. She just looked too damn sweet when you got right down to it. Reminded him of the first girl he had ever kissed. She was a strawberry blonde little girl, nowhere near close to being a woman. Jayne had been mesmerized by her. Her eyes were big and wide and she could see inside him like he were made of glass, and when he kissed her like a clumsy ten year old she's punched him in the arm, kissed him back and skiped off and he never saw her again after that. That was exactly what Kaylee did to him- confused and intrigued him.

"So," he said casually, although his heart was racing faster than healthy, "you never really answered my question."

"Which one?"

"Bout gettin married."

She flushed and smiled shyly. He hadn't proposed to her, she knew that. It was more of a 'Are we really stuck together forever?' kind of question. Was still nice to think he meant more to it, though. "Well, I don't expect you to marry me, no. Don't wanna trap you where you don't wanna be."

"That's thoughtful of ya," he said, and Kaylee stopped and stared at him in disbelief. He didn't notice. How dense did a man have to be not to realize what a mean thing that was to say? She was hoping for 'No, Kaylee, I wouldn't feel stuck. You'd be a great woman to spend the rest of my life with. I'm glad you're the mother of my child. I love you.' But what he had said... Frankly, it was what Simon would have said in this situation. And if she had wanted someone who would always say the wrong thing and trip over his own words, she'd have stayed with Simon. But she didn't want Simon. She smiled, realizing just now how true that was. She did not want Simon. She wanted Jayne, no matter how dumb he was sometimes. Heck, he had told her straight out when she's gone to the night club that she looked like a whore. He hadn't meant it like that, of course, but it'd come out like that just the same. Maybe right now she shouldn't be so hard on him either. He was trying, after all.

"Well," Kaylee said, running a few steps to catch up to him, "what do you think about it? Getting married, I mean."

"Never planned to. Never planned to have kids, either."

"Well nothing usually goes as planned 'round here, in case you didn't notice."

"I did." He glanced over at her. "So, I mean, you ain't expecting me to ask you, right?"

"No, I'm not expecting anything from you."

"Are you hoping?"

She blushed. "Not gonna lie to ya, I wouldn't be against it entirely. But I know you won't cuz you're not the marryin type, and that's fine. I don't wanna spend forever with someone who don't love me anyway."

"I love you," he said, truly surprised she didn't know that already.

"You... huh? How come you never said anything?"

"Didn't think I had to." He was taking this talk as casually as afternoon tea, although his inner voice was screamin at him to shut the hell up before he made a fool of himself. Words of the heart were tiny glass dolls to him. He was never careful enough with them and they seemed to shatter in his calloused hands. "Thought you already knew anyway, you read me like a damn book."

"I never know what you're up to."

"Ain't that hard. True or false: I'm gonna kiss you right now."

"Umm... false."

"That's right. You know why?"

"It'd cheapen the moment?"

"Damn straight."

"Ah." Yeah, he confused the heck outta her. "You really love me, Jayne?"

"Said I did, didn't I?"

"Yeah."

He grabbed her arm and stopped. "What, you need proof? Can't take my word on things?"

"What? No, that's not what I meant. It just... I mean... I'm surprised."

"I love you Kaylee."

She smiled and looked right into his eyes. He was being so really sincere. There was too much emotion. She knew he hated it when she cried, but she had a feeling she was going to start it up again. So she closed her eyes- maybe he wouldn't know she was crying with her eyes closed. "Say it again."

He pulled her close up to him, his strong arms wrapping around her easily. There was nothing Jayne Cobb could not protect her from, no doubt about it. He kissed her gently, pulling away before Kaylee could make the kiss too deep. "I love you, Kaylee."

Now she was crying, very hard, and it didn't matter if Jayne didn't like it because she was doing it anyway. Pregnant women couldn't keep their emotions in check all too well, and Kaylee had always been a woman who felt everything as hard as she could. "I'm sorry," she blubbered.

Jayne could only smile. This was his girl, and hell if he weren't gonna do right by her from now on. Maybe he should marry her. But no, she might fall for some doctor someday and he wouldn't wanna stand in the way of that. If she could find someone better, she should, enough said. He didn't mind so much the idea of her runnin off with someone else. Life was all about change, he knew that. Seeking the better fortune. And doctor ranked over hired hit man no matter what planet you're from.

He kissed her again. She accepted it gratefully, probing her tongue deep in his mouth like she was latching on to him. When they had pulled away, foreheads rested against one another's, she had ceased crying.

"I love you, Jayne. You know that?"

"No," he said honestly.

"Well you should. Cuz I do. I really do."

"Well thanks, I guess." Saying 'Thanks' had been his way of restraining the urge to scoop her up and spin her aroud, screaming for joy at the top of his lungs. "So, ah, can we still have sex while you're in your state of bein?"

"Dr. Mitchell said into my third trimester."

"How long's the trimester you're in now?"

She smiled. "That means we can for the next three months or so."

Now he did scoop her up, like a burly groom and his tiny pregnant bride. "That's good. Pretty sure I'm about to have m'way with you."


	13. Chapter 13

disclaimer: I don't own Firefly or any of it affiliates. Yet.

* * *

Sometimes, there was no pleasing people. This was one of those times with Mal. His stitches were itching like crazy, and Simon wasn't letting him scratch at them. There were forty- count, _forty_ stitches across his belly- and they itched like insanity. 

Simon had to watch the man like a hawk. Every chance he got, Mal would lift up his shirt and scratch at his stomach. He hadn't even bothered with suspenders today for easier access. But Simon would slap his hand away and tell him to knock it off.

"It itches!" Mal snapped. "And it's your own damn fault that it itches so you should let me scratch 'em."

"You're going to pull them out and then I'll have to put them back in again."

"Well it itches all the same."

"So don't think about it."

"What in the hell else should I think about it?"

"Something else."

Mal grumbled edgily. "Something else," he muttered. "What in the hell else is there to think about?" There was plenty to think about. Simon, for instance. The way Simon was watching him closely, and how many levels of uncomfortable it made him. How neither of them had talked about anything relevant since Simon had come back on the ship. It was all pleasantries and nonsense that didn't matter in the slightest. They should talk about what had happened, what had driven them apart. They should talk about the kiss and the night that had made everyting fall apart. Mal glared at Simon because he didn't want him to be watching his every move. Really, it was an excuse to see his eyes. Not many had eyes that deep that Mal had ever seen- so clear, yet they held in them such secrets and power. Inara had eyes like that. Simon had something that Inara had, something that drew Mal to him. Something that made Mal want to walk over there and kiss the man, right in front of Zoe and Jayne. He had such passion in him, such a burning desire to shake things, make it his own. This ship was his freedom but right now he felt so restrained and contained. He couldn't do such a thing, not in front of them. That changed the price of freedom.

"Would you stop watching me?" he snapped irritably.

"When you stop pulling at your stitches."

"Fine, I'll stop. Just quit watchin me."

"Fine," Simon agreed, although he wasn't going to stop. He pretended to look out the windshield but all the while kept an eye on Mal, whose hands kept touching the bottom of his shirt but didn't scratch.

Nine days had gone by since he'd first been stitched up. Nine days of behaving himself, following doctor's orders (which he rarely did anyway) and taking it easy. Nine days of keeping water off his stomach so he could heal properly, which made hygeine a fun new experience. It was making him crazy. "How long are these gonna stay in?"

"You didn't like the answer I gave you last time, and you won't like it again this time."

"Oh, _di lian biao zi," _Jayne groaned. "You two sound like a damn married couple, bickering like this all friggin morning. Would you two ladies just have at an get it over with?" He stomped out of the room, shaking his head and muttering. Zoe watched him go, then turned to Mal.

"You know I hate to agree with him," she started, "but you two really are making me crazy."

"Tell him to quit starin at me."

"Tell _him_ to leave his stitches alone."

Zoe got up and followed Jayne. "Think I'll tell you both goodbye."

She left them alone with one another. Simon looked at Mal who looked at Simon, and both of them looked away hurriedly. They had avoided being alone together.

"You quit it?" Mal said. he wasn't even looking in Simon's direction, but could feel him staring all the same.

"Okay, fine. I'l leave." Simon got up and headed to the door, muttering "Stubborn ass."

"What was that?"

"Called you stubborn."

"After that."

"Ass."

"Thought you didn't swear. Thought it was beneath you or uncivilized or whatever."

Simon shrugged. "Never thought I'd look at a man and want to slam him against the wall and fuck him either, but hey." He turned to leave, then stopped, horrified. What in the hell had just come out of his mouth? Had he actually said that? Please, please, _please_ God let that have only been in his usually dead imagination.

Mal first flushed, then paled, then flushed again for a completely different reason. He and Simon wore similar expressions of horror. Seeing it from Wash's point of view, it was hilarious and he chuckled out loud because no one would hear him anyway. _Okay boys, now's the time to start the dialog you've both been yearning for and scared shitless of. _

Simon was the first to speak, his voice small and apprehensive. "I mean to say, um, that... that you confuse me most of the time."

"That so?" Mal wasn't as self-assured as his voice would lead one to believe. He was so used to keeping his cool in hard situations by now it came as second nature.

"You know that's so. I don't know where you're coming from or what you want from me, Mal."

"What I want?" What in the hell did he want? "What I want is to scratch my stomach. Get these damn stitches out."

Simon huffed angrily. "Give it three more days," he snapped, turning back to the door.

_Mal, you're an idiot. Opprtunities love knocking on your door and you delight in slamming it in their faces._ Mal knew that. He was well aware that letting Simon leave would be a bad idea. "Doc," he called. Simon stopped but didn't bother turning around. Didn't have a plan as to what he was gonna say after he got the man's attention. Well, Wash, got any bright ideas now? But Wash either didn't have any ideas or he had left (he had in fact left, not wanting to stick around in case they started kissing or something equally disturbing) because Mal got no response. So he had to think of something to say that wouldn't piss Simon off further. "I don't want anything from you," he said finally. That was a lie. Expect something, no. Want, absolutely. "I didn't get you back here for me. Kaylee needs a doctor. That's all."

Simon turned around to look at the captain's face. He didn't look like he was lying, but Mal was real good at never letting his emotions show. Maybe this was his way out of this whole confusing mess. "That's all?"

"That's all."

He nodded, satisfied. "Okay. That's all."

That wasn't all. That was far from all. But never underestimate the power of denial.

* * *

One morning, Wash came to breakfast. He sat at the corner of the table between Zoe and Mal, as usual, hovering a few feet in the air, his wings tucked neatly behind him. Didn't eat anything. Didn't need to. Instead, he plucked a feather from his wing and blew it up into the air. After about twenty seconds the feather would fizzle into dust and disappear. Same old routine as he listened to the dull conversation of the morning.

Except there was no conversation this morning. When his feather finally fizzled, Wash looked up at his crew(who should have been eating, by the way). They were all staring at him. He looked down at himself. He'd put on a few pounds, but nothing anyone else should have noticed. He wasn't so fat that he would have broken the barrier between life and death. Out of sheer curiosity he poked himself in the tummy. Felt like he had yesterday. Looked like he had yesterday. But everyone was staring at him.

"Hi," he said, and was startled by the noise coming out of him. His voice was louder. No, not louder. It was richer, fuller. (_Not italisized?_) Not dead. "Hi," he said again, with more gusto this time. He did look different, now that he thought about it. His skin wasn't quite so pale, and he looked... well, bulkier. He had more mass. Like he had looked when he was alive.

River casually took a bite of her sausage link. "You're still dead," she told him.

"Uh... last I checked, yeah."

"So," Jayne said, "does this mean _we're_ all dead?" No one had wanted to say it, but they were thinking it.

"We're not dead," Kaylee said immediately. "We'd remember if we died, wouldn't we? Of course we would. Right? Wash, you remember dying, don't you? We'd know if we were dead."

"I'd sure remember it," Zoe said.

Wash had to chuckle. "No, you're all alive still. Trust me."

"Oh," Kaylee breathed, "what a relief." She didn't for one second like the idea that her baby had died before it could even have a chance to be born.

"If we ain't dead," Jayne reaonsed, "and you are, and we can see you... Call me crazy but that's fucked right the hell up."

"That adds up pretty well," Mal concurred. "What gives?"

"How should I know?" Wash said defensively, but rather enjoying the sound of his voice. "I don't know everything."

"You sure seem to," Zoe told him fairly.

"Okay," he conceded, "so most of the time I know a lot. But not everything. She doesn't tell me everything." Oops.

"Who's _she_?" Zoe's eyes were hard and jealous, though she tried not to show it.

"Uh... I'm not really supposed to tell you that-"

"God," River said plainly, having taken some pancakes from Jayne's plate. He smacked her hand and she stuck out her tongue.

"You know," Simon said, "I always thought God was a woman. It would make sense."

"God don't belong on my ship," Mal told Wash. "Tell her or it or whatever to get lost."

"First of all, Captain, she's not right here right now. Secondly, she don't take orders from you. Third," and now he looked at River, "it'd be a good idea for you to stay outta my head."

"Sounds like music. It's relaxing."

"Sure, now it is."

"God's weird," Forrest informed them all.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Zoe scolded.

"She is," Wash agreed.

"Weird?" Kaylee was interested, even though the topic was obvisouly annoying the captain. "Weird how?"

"Like she has a pierced eyebrow and tattoos and black fingernails and-"

"Big boobs," Forrest finished.

Jayne snorted into his milk. "Why don't they never tell you that in church? Woulda listened to Book if he'd given out that info up front."

"I'm really, really not supposed to be telling you guys this," Wash said. He didn't think God would mind, but you never knew with that woman. She had a weird way of doing things.

"Good," Mal said curtly. "Then no more talk on it. Wash, welcome back to the land of the living."

"I'm not altogether sure I'm alive, actually."

"Only one way to be sure. Somebody hit Wash."

Three fists came from three different directions, all of them hitting very soft spots on poor Wash's body. Hurt a lot. "Ow!" he yelled, rubbing his stomach where River had gotten him. His shoulder (Jayne) would be sore for a while and his leg (Forrest) would be asleep a bit. For a small child that kid packed a punch. "That wasn't necessary!"

"You're alive enough to me," Mal reasoned. "Now I guess I can put you back to work."

"Gee, thanks a lot."

"He's still got wings," Zoe pointed out. "How can he be alive with big wings like that?"

"Sure I don't know, but they'll come in handy eventually I bet."

"Stop it," Simon scolded.

Mal glared. "Stop _what_?" He knew damn well what.

"Scratching. You're going to tear them out."

"Thought you said they'd be comingout today anyway."

"Not if you rip them out and they make a new tear."

Jayne rolled his eyes. "Can we not start this shit again? And you stop takin my food!" He turned to River, who had deftly stolen another pancake.

"Give me the plate and I will!" she shot back.

He just about threw it at her.

* * *

"I don't know how I feel about this," Zoe said honestly. "It's still too much to think about."

"In all fairness," Wash said delicately, "you've had a good three months to think about it."

"No," she said shakily, "nothing like this. I wasn't ready to ever deal with _this_." She sat down on her bed. Wash desperately wanted to go to her, but the timing was not right for it now. She needed space. "I mean" she said, "it's sort of like you've been here, but not. Like a relationship with someone who lives on the other side of the verse. You make calls, you write, and you see one another from time to time. You don't expect them to show up on your doorstep one day."

"But isn't it romantic when they do? A good surprise?"

She shook her head. "There's a difference, baby. You know there is."

"Why is it so different?"

"Because you're dead, Wash. You're not on vacation, you didn't go somewhere to find work. You died. I saw you get laid into the ground. You have a headstone. I cried for months over you." He sat down beside her, as close as he dared to get. This was hard for her, he could understand that. He had been seeing her for months now, watching her sleep and kissing her cheek although she never felt it. But she hadn't even known he was there until Forrest came on board. She hadn't been able to look at his face every day. Zoe touched his cheek, which was cold but at least now she felt it. "I don't know," she told him.

"Okay." It wasn't okay at all. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Maybe you should. I need to think about this."

"I mean the ship."

She stared at him. "You mean... forever?"

"Yeah. I know when Forrest first came you didn't want me-"

"No, that's not-"

"No, it is true. You didn't want me here and I understand that. I don't blame you. But I couldn't go, and you couldn't see me so it wasn't as hard. But now you can, and if you don't want me anymore... I'll leave."

Zoe had to curse herself. What a horrible thing for him to think she didn't want him here, that she didn't love him. But did she? It had been a long time since he'd died, getting around to a year now. That was a long time for a heart to mend itself enough. It would never be the same with him again. This was her second chance at life with him. but how long would it last? What if one day he disappeared again, only this time he didn't come back? She wouldn't be able to handle watching him die all over again. But how would she feel f she never gave herself the chance to have him back in her life? He could feel her now. There must be a reason for that. "I'll think about it, Wash. Okay?"

"Of course." He left her to her devices and wished he could be invisible again. Now he had nowhere to go to cry his heart out.

* * *

Simon had taken Mal down to the infirmary right after breakfast to take a look at his stitches. They healed well, like most everything on Mal (his ear looked just like it had before it'd been cut off. Fine work on Simon's part, if he said so himself). He lifted up Mal's shirt and laid him back on the table. Mal's breath was slow and rythmic, which made Simon's hands move in a fine rhythm. It was like watching a ballet between them, slow breathing, delicately fluid hand movements. Neither of them said a word as Simon checked the wound, determined it fine and cut the stitches. It was all sorts of relief to Mal, who was damn sick of having the stitches in. Damn Simon. He didn't blame Simon for cutting him, not really. It'd been a true blue accident. Didn't make it ay less annoying, though.

"We almost done?" Mal broke the silence, the ballet inetrrupted.

"Just about," Simon told him. It had been real nice just now. There wasn't any tension between them, no worry or angst. It was how it used to be between them, before... well, just before. "Okay," he said, putting his clippers away. "You're good to go."

Mal sat up. "You'd think with all that technology that hospital had you coulda done something better than sew me up like a rag doll."

"I could have," Simon agreed. "But it would have been harder to remove whatever I used without a necessary medical facility. Besides, I would have felt bad. I did just quit on them."

"I'm sure they don't even notice you're gone. Cept maybe for Violet."

"How do you know about her?"

"Your sister was babblin at me." Of course, among the babble River had told him that Violet had kissed Simon, Simon had not liked it and what exactly did Mal plan to do about all this? That was when he'd tossed her out. "So what about this Violet person?"

"She was a friend, nothing more. I think she would have wanted more, but I didn't."

Mal nodded while getting himself dressed again. "So, can I shower now?"

"Yes, you can get it wet. Don't soak for three hours or anything, though."

"Alright. Well, thank you." Awkward silence ensued, then dissapated.

"Captain?"

"Hmm?"

"Do... do you think Wash is alive?"

That was a right good ponderous question. "Don't rightly know. He sure seems to be, but I guess nothing is ever as it seems round here anymore. Thought I had my ship all figured out, then it all falls apart."

"It's not falling apart, it's just changing. Things change. People change."

Mal smiled. "Life lessons from Doctor Tam. You're startin to sound like Forrest."

Simon shrugged. "Kid's smart. I wouldn't mind learning a few things from him. Like how he can get Zoe to be so mellow with him all the time."

Mal laughed. "Or how he can get Jayne to make him a grilled cheese sandwich in the middle of the night."

"Or how the notion that he talks to someone that's dead doesn't bother him in the slightest."

"Or how whenever River's babblin he can seem to make sense of it most the time."

Simon chuckled. "He's like the universal translator. Speaks any language."

"Well, he sure comes in handy." Mal thought about Forrest for a moment. The kid was the last thing he'd expected on board, but it had all turned out for the better. Maybe... he hated to even admit to it, but maybe God knew what he (sorry, _she_) was doing sometimes. He looked at Simon, who was watching Mal with reserved interest. Simon's hand lifted to Mal's face, touching his cheek lightly. Then he leaned in closer. Mal's breath caught for a moment, but he wouldn't let himself resist. Not this time. He ran his fingers in Simon's soft hair as their faces got closer and closer, until he could feel Simon's breath against his lips and his heart was racing so fast it might have exploded. Their mouths touched. It wasn't enough. Mal pulled Simon closer, breathing in his scent and taking over his mouth wholly. His hands wandered all over the medic's smooth young body. He longed for, ached for something more, everything more, and he was going to make it happen this time.

"Mal?"

Mal snapped out of his daydream, startled. "Guh?"

"You okay?" Simon was watching him with a wary eye.

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine I jus... Why?" He was blushing, he knew that. No amount of harsh tone or looking in every direction but at Simon would cover that up.

"Thought maybe you were feeling dizzy form the stitches. Just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I am," he snapped.

"Okay." Mal jumped down off the table in a hurry. Simon watched him take a few steps, looking all flustered and annoyed with himself. It was endearing if not a little amusing. "Captain?" he said.

"What?"

He took the plunge. "Come here."

"I don't have time for this, you said I was all set." He had hundreds, maybe thousands of protests reserved for this moment. There was a ship that needed running, and he was the captain so he had to be the one running it. He couldn't spend all his time in the infirmary shooting the breeze with the doctor. He was well prepared to tell Simon to leave him alone, but he couldn't get the words out. Most likely because Simon's mouth was blocking the way. His thoughts had to take a few steps back before they could comprehend that Simon was kissing him. And he was just standing there like doll, just standing there, not even reciprocating. What in the hell was he waiting for, another chance to screw things up? Simon pulled away and looked at Mal, who didn't have a damn clue. "I told you, this isn't what I wanted you on the ship for," he said, not knowing what else to say. The words 'Please don't stop' and even a simple 'Yes' might have been more true to emotion, but since when did Mal ever listen to them?

"But this is what I..." Simon trailed off. Oh no. Had he done what he always did? Was this another case of Simon Tam screwing up the world one person at a time? Mal's head had to stop reeling, had to grab onto a single thought and make it work. "What about Violet?" Not the best thought to grab hold of, but it was something.

"I have no interest in Violet. She kissed me. I didn't kiss back."

"Why?"

"Why?" Simon thought it was pretty damn obvisous why, since he was holding Mal's hips and they were pressed against one another. "Because she doesn't have deep greeen eyes that scare the hell out of me."

Compliments were not something Malcolm Reynolds took all too well, especially not real personal ones like that. "So, what color were her eyes?"

"Shut up, Mal," Simon mumbled, before kissing him again.

You name it- the table, the door, the walls, the shelves. They were all over the place, a fury of hands and fingers and mouths and exposed flesh. Mal bit Simon's shoulder and he cried out, raking his neat fingernails across Mal's tensed back. Things were loud, crashing and disasterous. Mal threw Simon onto the table, practically ripping his pants off in the process (his shirt lay in a heap across the room already). Simon grabbed the back of Mal's head and pulled him into a tight kiss.

"Captain!" Zoe's voice somehow broke through the noise. Mal and Simon both froze, terrified she was standing just outside the door. She wasn't. Her voice was crackling over the intercom. "Mal, now!"

"What?" he spat, punching the button. Simon was standing behind him, kissing his shoulders. Mal almost wanted to knock him out. Either that or say to hell with Zoe and reciprocate.

"You're gonna wanna get up here. We have another trailer comet."

"Where's Forrest?"

"He's here. But... this one's... bigger."

"Like how much?"

"Like bigger than Serenity."

"Ta ma de!" he spat, grabbing his shirt from the table where it had landed and pulling it on. "Strap in!" he demanded, leaving Simon confused, alone and half naked.

Up on the bridge, River was in one pilot's seat and Forrest was in the other. Zoe was leaning over the boy and Wash was pacing back and forth, muttering to himself.

"No, no, no, don't do this to me, don't, please no..."

"What's the situation?" Mal asked, pulling up a suspender strap.

"They don't see us," River told him.

"Well, seein as it's a comet I don't reckon that's all too hard to accomplish."

"It can see."

Mal ignored her. "Alright Professor, can you outfly it this time?"

"No," Forrest told him honestly. "I think it's too big."

"It'll crush us," Zoe said. "If we get hit by this thing, we're through."

"Good to know. What are our options?"

"We can turn course. Have to make a wide berth to pass it safely, but it can be done."

"Sounds decent. Anything else?"

"Not really. I don't think the ship can outrun it this time."

"We can't go around it," Wash interrupted. "And we can't outrun it. It knows we're here."

"Knows?" Mal asked skeptically. "How in the hell does it know?"

"It's a trailer comet, Mal. Lost souls and all that. They have consciousness."

Mal furrowed his eyebrows. "Forrest said that was a legend."

"Forrest told you it was a legend cuz I knew you wouldn't believe otherwise. It's real."

"So we got dead souls after us looking for revenge? What in the hell do we do about that?"

"Hell if I know what we do about that." Wash ran his fingers through his hair. "_He chusheng zajiao de zanghuo!_" he spat. "Why me?" He was screaming at the ceiling now. "I've done everything you wanted me to, I've gotten everything back into the order you wanted it! Why are you doing this to me?"

"Who are you yelling at?" Zoe demanded.

"God," he said through his teeth. "I am yelling at God."

"Leave her out of this," Mal told him coldly. "We'll figure it out."

"Not if she don't want us to."

It was quite apparent Mal had, in fact, had it. "She don't determine how things go here, got that? I do. You wanna help us I suggest you shut up and get to your station!"

"Isn't my station," Wash informed him bitterly. "I am doing whatever She wants me to do because that's how the afterlife works, Mal. You got some big damn surprises ahead of you when you die." He looked to the ceiling again as if for confirmation, then stomped a foot. "Fine," he growled, "I'l figure it out myself."

"It sees us now," River told them all. She looked petrified. "There are so many of them. They are so angry. She doesn't like their screaming."

"Used to be music, huh? That's what is in my head a lot. Sounds a lot like you."

"Maybe I'm an angel?"

"Maybe."

"Can we?" Mal snapped.

"Sorry, captain." Wash swept up beside Zoe, leaning over Forrest's shoulder. "There must be thousands of them."

"Sixty nine thousand, seven hundred sixty three," Forrest informed him.

"Too many for my tastes," Mal said. "What in the hell can we do about this?"

"I'm thinking!" Wash snapped.

"Well you ain't thinking fast enough. Professor, you know about these things, what can we do to appease em?"

"Give them life, I guess," Forrest shrugged. "It's what they want."

"No," Wash corrected him, "_I'm_ what they want."

"You?" Zoe touched his shoulder. "Why do they want you?"

"Because I'm welcomed among the living, chosen by God. They weren't. That makes them angry."

"Like Reavers," River muttered.

"Worse," Wash told her. "Like dead Reavers."

"Well," Zoe reasoned, "best way to get by Reavers is to float on unnoticed."

"And what do we do when they _do_ notice?" he replied bitterly. They all knew the answer to that one, and 'Stand and fight' wasn't it.

"It's moving!" River declared.

The trailer comet had started spinning, slowly, towards the ship. This comet was much different that the other. For one, it was twice the size of Serenity. For another, while the other had been shooting through space actively seeking ships, this comet floated idly by, as if waiting for a vessel to come to it. Thirdly, it was a flaming red and orange that seethed and stretched. This one looked really angry.

"We better act now," Mal said cautiously. He pressed the intercom button. "Strap in, boys and girls. Looks like we're gonna be... dying." He released the button and stood behind River's chair. "Well," he said confidently, feeling anything but, "what's the plan?"

"Plan is we die, isn't it?" Forrest asked innocently.

"No," Wash said darkly. "No one dies." He stretched out his wings and took a deep breath.

"What are you doing?" Zoe asked softly.

"Captain," he said, ignoring his wife, "get Kaylee into the engine room and get ready to move fast. Forrest, I want you to fly."

"I'm not ready."

"You are so." He patted the boy's shoulder fondly. "You're as good as me, you know that. Keep mom safe." He gave Zoe a quick, almost dismissable look, then stalked off.

"The hell are you going?" Mal demanded. "Just leaving when you're the only one who knows what this damn thing is?"

"Out," River said, her eyes widening in fright. She spun around in her seat and looked back at Wash. "No!" she demanded. "You can't leave us again!"

"I'll be back," he assured her, and muttered "hopefully."

"If she wishes?" River asked him.

"If," he said weakly. "Call Kaylee, you'll need all the help you can get."

They all watched him move, his stride confident as it never had been before. Wash had never been a man to walk with an air of great destiny, but his aura filled the small room and held everyone in place. He stood at the doorway and turned back to them, careful to keep his wings from knocing anything over. "Move," he commanded. Zoe and Mal stepped to the side, and River and Forrest leaned back in their chairs. There was nothing but Wash and the starfield and vast emptiness that lay out beyond the windshield. He started at a run, ducking his head ow and bracing for impact. He moved faster and faster, building as much momentum in the short span of here to there that he could manage.

"Watch how I soar."

He broke through, shattering the light of the verse into fragmented pieces of chaos. He hadn't broken through the glass. He had simply passed through. He was soaring in space, his wings stretched as far as they could go, flapping and bending gracefully. He was a bird of God who swam through the blackness as a fish in the clearest water. It could go on forever. He could go on forever if he wished, keep flying onward and never look back. It could be that easy.

The trailer comet loomed before him. It was menacing, and he heard them all shouting at him fiercely.

_"Traitor!" _

_"Help us!" _

_"Get away, fiend of hell!" _

_"You are not chosen of God!" _

_"Liar!" _

_"Thief!" _

_"Why do you have life and we do not?" _

_"Where is your God?" _

That last one hit him the hardest. Where was his God? Spectating, no doubt, if he knew her at all. And unfortunately he did. The woman was one to start a ball rolling and see where it landed, not bothering to catch it if it happened to knock over someone's universe. Sometimes Wash wondered if God really did have the power to control life, or if she simply made it happen and watched whatever it did next. Regardless, he was out here now and he had to finish what he'd started or there would be certain death.

No one had said a word in over half a minute. Wash had just leapt through the glass like it was an open window and there he was, flying through space. Flying through space completely unharmed. Flying through space completely unharmed and directly towards the trailer comet.

"What is he doing?" Zoe asked blankly.

Mal pushed the intercom buttom. "Kaylee, need you in the engine room. We're gonna have to move real fast real soon."

"Already there," was the reply.

"Everyone else, strap in. This ain't no drill." He let go of the button slowly, moving as if he were under water. It was too surreal. If Wash was doing what he was pretty sure he was doing (and he was), then once again he might never see the man again. "Zoe," he said calmly, "Get out of here."

"Sir-"

"I mean it." He wasn't making a command, but a pleading request. How did you comfort someone for losing the same person twice? She did not leave, but strapped herself in. Mal ushered Forrest out of his seat. The boy merely climbed into his lap, which was fine, he supposed. He strapped them both in.

"Feels like a funeral," River said softly as she watched the angel fly in space. Mal nodded.

Wash stared down the comet. It was the size of a planet, terrifying to behold. And it occurred to him he wasn't going to make it this time. This thing was going to consume him and not think twice.

"How fast can you move?" he asked it. Anything to distract it.

_"Faster than you!" _

Picked a direction- left, as it were- and started flying. Zooming, more like it. All they could see of him from Serenity was a tiny beam of light, a shooting star in space. His only hope of any kind of survival was to get enough distance between him and the comet before it could get enough inertia to really fucking move. He flew on forever. There is no concept of time in deep space, no concept of distance or speed. It was only a matter of how fast are you compared to what's around you, and how long you stay in sight of something. Time is all relative to what is around you. If there is nothing around you, there is no time. It was one of those moments for Wash. There was no time and it didn't matter anyway. Just once he dared look back over his shoulder, and it was the only time he would need to. The trailer comet was right behind him. This was not a relative measure, meaning it was looming behind him and eclipsing him in shadow from miles behind. A hand reached out from the massive ball of souls and grabbed his ankle, and he was gone.

"Gun it!" Mal screamed. They all flew backward, all except Forrest who was holding the controls. Serenity moved easily at his touch. they were moving fast, but it wasn't frantic like it had been last time. Even the ship seemed calm, as though she too were mourning the loss of a friend. The comet was soon gone from sight and they drifted on, not looking back.


	14. Chapter 14

disclaimer: Characters, ship and universe not of my making. Also, the line thingy isn't working, so you get 0's. Sorry.

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Simon paced in his infirmary, still shirtless. It had been almost half an hour since the order to "unstrap" had been given. He was sweating. Where was Mal? What in the heck had happened? Were they safe? He wanted to go out into the ship and ask somebody but he was afraid the captain might come back and he'd miss him. Still, half an hour was a long time to wait for someone.

"Doc?"

Simon spun around. He had been so busy worrying that he hadn't heard Mal step in. "Is River okay?" he asked, always the first thought to mind.

"Yes," Mal said quietly.

"Is everything else okay? The ship, Kaylee, everyone?"

"Yes."

There wasn't much conviction in the captain's voice. "Are _you_ okay, captain?"

"Yes." He had seen Wash die again. How had he gotten to the infirmary? Why was he there, he wasn't injured. Hopefully Kaylee was okay, bein pregnant and all. He shouldn't have made her stay in the engine room. What if she's gotten tossed about and hurt herself? Or lost the baby? He'd never forgive himself for that. Too many people were dying at his expense. He didn't care for it at all.

"Mal?" Simon snapped his fingers, getting the captain's attention. "What happened?"

"Wash's dead."

"Um..."

"For real, I guess. Gone. Chased after the comet himself." He thought he might just cry, and that weren't a good idea right now. Not in front of Simon, anyway. But why else had he come here if not for consolance? "He just took off and got it away so we could get by."

"Wow. That's really brave of him."

"I dunno." And he really didn't. Wash had said it had been his job to protect the ship, but did it mean having to go that far?

"I'm so sorry, Mal."

"Yeah." He looked into Simon's eyes, which were full of genuine regret. "I don't know what's going on anymore," he confessed. "Lost my damn mind."

Simon smiled, then kissed Mal's lips. "I know."

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Jayne ran into the engine room. "Kaylee?"

"Uh huh?" She was swinging in her hammock, happy as you pleased.

"You alright?"

"Sure I am. We didn't jolt too much. Had a tummy ache for a while, but I'm okay now. It passed." Jayne knelt on the floor beside her, hugging her belly. Kaylee stroked his hair. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "Nothin. Just... nothing."

"No, what?"

"If you'd gotten hurt, or something... Just making sure you're alright."

Kaylee smiled lovingly at him. "You were worried about me?"

"Course I was. You're all pregnant and such, what if you'd fallen on your belly? Could hurt yourself, or lil Joss there."

"Joss?"

Jayne nodded. "If that's okay with you, I mean. Was thinking about it, and I kinda like Joss. Not too fancy, but fancy enough, you know?"

"Joss. I like it. Sounds familiar, almost." She smiled, taking in the sound of it. "Joss Cobb. I really like it. Two double letters, make it fun to spell, you know?"

"He's takin my name?"

"Well, yeah. You're his dad. Unless you don't want-"

"No, I want. It's fine." He looked at her belly, which had taken on a pleasant basketall shape. There was a little person in there, who now had a name all his own. He touched her belly gently. "Joss," he confirmed. And Joss kicked his fingertips.

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"Just look at you!"

Inara hugged Kaylee tightly, reaching over her now rather obtrusive belly. "I can't believe it," she gushed. "Just look at you. How far along are you?"

"About six months."

"You look beautiful, Kaylee. Like a mom. You glow."

"I glow?" she blushed.

"Most certainly." Inara stared proudly at Kaylee, who beamed in return. She knew Kaylee would the the first mom on Serenity. Nothing against Zoe, of course, but it just _had_ to be Kaylee. "You look radient."

"I feel gassy," Kaylee confessed. "But I'll take compliment all the same." She hooked her arm around Inara's and walked into the dusty street with her. Jayne fell in step right behind them.

"Congratulations to you too, Jayne," Inara tossed over her shoulder. He grunted some sort of response which Inara respectfully chose to ignore. "So," she asked, directing attention again to Kaylee, "are you two going to marry?"

"Don't think so," she told the companion truthfully. "We never really decided to, an' it seems silly to get married just because we got a baby now. He don't seem the tied down type, does he?"

Inara smiled a secret smile only companions can really accomplish. "Kaylee," she said gently, "that man has been tied to you since the moment he saw you."

"No," Kaylee said immediately, followed by a shy "what makes you say that?"

"A lady can always tell, which is why I'm surprised you didn't already know that."

Kaylee blushed and grinned. She'd been called both beautiful and a lady in the span of two minutes. Today was shaping out wonderfully.

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Mal and Zoe stepped out onto the terrain, scanning the surroundings as always. They'd gotten message from Inara they she was nearby, and when Zoe informed her of Kaylee's condition she demanded they stop in for a visit. It was a relatively prosperous planet they'd landed on, and like many times before had been clearance to land only because Inara had claimed acquaintenceship with them. Mal was making a mental checklist. Food was always needed, Simon wanted some of his personal doctor things, which was all fine and well. River wanted a goat, which in no way was gonna happen. Forrest asked for a coloring book, which Mal weren't too sure they even made in parts like this anymore but was willing to give it a half-assed try. Jayne wanted ammo, what else was new. Kaylee needed sweet things like cookies and, for some unknown reason, a jar of pickled eggs. Yuck. He felt like he was shopping for a load of children. They'd get what he gave them and that was that.

The streets bustled busily. Simon had opted to come along since Mal knew nothing about nothing of medical supplies and would most likely bring back contraband that wasn't worth the price of a smile. The three (or four, if you counted River who sort of drifted in and out of their path) of them stepped directly and quietly. There was enough chatter in their own heads ot make up for conversation. At one point, Mal leaned in close to Zoe, who nodded instantly.

"How many?" he muttered.

"I see three so far, maybe more, though."

"Know who sent 'em?"

"Badger? They look dirty."

Mal shook his head. "Alliance, my guess. Covered up."

"But... why?"

"Same as always. And we're parading an experiment gone wrong through the streets." He motioned slightly at River, who had caught a butterfly and was trying to converse with it. In its own native tongue, of course.

"What?" Simon interrupted, never liking to be left out.

"Never you mind, doc. Keep your eyes straight. We're being watched, so no stupid stuff, got that?"

"Sir, yes sir," he said softly. By now he knew better than to ask Mal about who was following, or why. Usually it was his fault, and he didn't need to be reminded of how many times he'd put them all at risk. He did, however, take River's arm and gently guide her along more steadily.

"Whoooo," she said to the butterfly as they parted ways.

"They're going to trail us everywhere," Zoe said confidently, as though telling everyone it would rain all weekend. "You suppose we're under arrest yet?"

"Don't rightly know."

"Inara!" River yelled at the top of her lungs. Mal internally cursed something awful. As always, the girl was making a spectacle of herself when she ought to be shutted up.

Inara, just a few yards ahead of them, turned around. "Yes, River?"

"Captain needs a word."

"I do?"

River shot him a look of pure lucidity, the kind of thing she only got once in a while and when she did you had better shut up and focus. "Yes."

"Yes," he agreed readily. "Sure thing."

Inara let them catch up, and the Alliance spies that had been tailing them suddenly seemed to have vanished.

"Huh," Mal said, impressed.

"Probably underdogs," Zoe assured him. "Just scouts low enough in the ranks to take on something best left alone to get some kind of recognition."

"They don't interfere with royal affairs," River said before wandering off again.

"Royal affairs?" Mal asked, confused as ever.

"Inara," the girl called over her shoulder. "Husband is a knight."

"Husband?" Mal said incredulously before smirking like a thief with a heist in his back pocket. "Well how about that?"

Inara, as always, was cool and confident over her flushed interior. "He is not my husband. I've been given an offer which I have not decided to accept yet."

"But you are going to accept it?"

"That hardly concerns you, does it?"

"Didn't know whores were allowed to marry s'all."

Her smooth shoulders tensed for oh but a second. "Some things will never change, apparently. A shame. I was rather hoping you'd become a bit more tactful in my absence."

Mal sniggered. "Nah. No use for it."

"Which explains why Captain Reynolds is still the Lone Captain Reynolds."

"What's that s'posed to mean?" He knew damn well, but liked his banter with Inara. Reminded him of when everything made some kind of sense.

Inara paused at the doorway of a strip mall type line of shops. "I wonder, is it a personal choice for you to remain without a wife, or is it just that no woman could possibly stand you long enough unless she's trying to kill you? Honestly, even Jayne found someone who can tolerate him, and Jayne is not an easy man to like. You at least had a kind of sense of humor to fall back on."

Mal nodded agreeably. "I can tell you right now, it's personal choice. Got no use for a woman in my life as it were."

"True," River agreed airily. "Captain has no use for _women_."

Simon coughed loudly, breaking up the conversation. His sister smirked. "I'm fine," Simon assured their concerned faces. "Dust." He glared at River who didn't seem to notice.

They entered the shopping arena (and arena was really the only word to describe such a thing) and looked about, each and every one of them impressed by something. The ceiling was high and grand, and seemed to be changing color every so often. There were shops for everyting one could ever hope for (unless you hoped for stolen black market babies, then you were out of luck).

"River," Simon asked, "are you following me or Mal?"

"Kaylee," she replied, already poking the mechanic's belly and scowling when Joss kicked back.

"Fine," he sighed, knowing Jayne would be close by Kaylee all day and no matter what had happened between them before, Jayne would keep River safe. If only by Kaylee's orders. Simon set off in the northern direction.

"I'll find you," Zoe told Mal, and she stepped seamlessly into the crowd.

Mal reached out to grab her and ask why she was splitting off, but the woman was already gone. Well, he had hired her for stealth, hadn't he? Since Kaylee, Jayne and River had already gone off to wherevere they were going (to see weapons, no doubt), he held out his arm for Inara. "Do royalty need escorts 'round here?"

"No," she said, taking his arm with something similar to disdain, "but the company is appreciated. Tell me, Mal, what have you all being doing?"

"Well, Kaylee got herself pregnant, but you knew that."

"Indeed. When did Jayne happen?"

"Ah... believe it was a new year party some time after we last saw you. They got drunk an' then got messy all over my cargo."

"On the cargo?"

"Shipment of cupcakes."

"Ah." That was all needed saying on that matter. "How about River? Is she... improving?"

"That's hard to say. My thoughts are that she's always been a nuthouse loon, but I guess she's been a lot less loony for a while now. Got her days."

"Of course. And Simon?"  
Mal smiled, a smile that Inara did not recognize immediately. When she did, however, she nearly wished she didn't. "Simon, well... I guess he's just the same as when you left him. Still working on his sister's not bein crazy anymore. He left us for a few months, but came back cuz a Kaylee."

"And what about Zoe? How has Zoe been?"

Now here was a tough one. Mal considered skipping the question altogether, but it might be better for her to know before she said something awful. "Zoe, ah... well, she ain't really been the same since Wash died again."

"She seemed to be coping well when I last saw her."

"See, that was the first time. I mean the second time." Inara gave him a puzzled look, and he fidgeted with the can of gravy he'd picked up. "Well, now this here's an interesting story." So he told her all about Wash as they picked out food for the ship, which Inara absently put on her own tab so Mal could stop looking for enough money to pay and explain how a man could die twice. When he had finished about the trailer comet, the woman was close to tears.

"Oh, my. Poor Zoe. I couldn't imagine losing someone twice."

"She ain't taking it well this time around."

"Nor should she be." Inara touched Mal's arm gently. "It seems so unreal, like something from a book I would read as a child."

"Yeah."

"So I suppose you all have been up to a lot since I've been gone."

"Oh, that ain't the half of it. Haven't even told you about Forrest yet."

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Zoe had never kept a journal before. Okay, when she was seven her uncle had given her beautiful stationary and she used it to write letters to herself. But that wasn't really the same. But today she had gone into town and gotten herself a leather bound book and a god ink pen. As soon as dinner had ended (which she had cooked) she disappeared into her room and started writing. This wasn't a journal either, she decided. She was writing more letters, but not to herself. She would write to her husband. There was so much she hadn't said to Wash when he was here (alive? no, but yes). He had died thinking she didn't want him on board anymore. What an awful thing for him to think. Looking back, of course she wanted him to stay. She had a second chance at life with him, the only man she ever really trusted (except for Mal, but that was too platonic to count) and of course she wanted him to stay. Why hadn't she said that right away? It ate at her conscience constantly. So she started writing, starting at something resembling six that night and didn't stop until somewhere near three in the morning.

While Zoe wrote, Inara sat with Kaylee in her bedroom and braided her hair. "So," she said casually, "are you excited?"

"Of course I am. Scared, too, but mostly excited."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"A boy. We're going to call him Joss."

"Joss? It's beautiful. I like it. It sounds regal."

"Jayne thought of it, actually. All on his own."

"Hmm. So, I hope you don't mind me asking-"

"Why Jayne?"

"Well..."

"I'm not surprised. I ask myself sometimes, too. But he's actually really sweet, when you get to know him. He never stops surprising me."

"As long as you're happy," she said, patting Kaylee's shoulder, "that's all that matters." As she twisted the strands of Kaylee's hair into a perfect french braid, she decided to switch the conversation into what she had been very curious about since that afternoon. "So, how long have Mal and Simon been... together?"

"Huh? Well, Simon's been here since you were still on the ship, so that's-"

"No, I mean how long have they been... _together_."

"Together? You mean like..." It dawned on Kaylee what Inara did mean, and it startled her quite a bit. "You mean Simon and Mal are... sly to one another?"

"You mean you didn't... oh." Inara fiddled with her fingers, something she had been taught many times not to do when she was nervous. "Well, I could be wrong."

"What would make you think that?"

"Just the way he looked when he talked about Simon this afternoon. I've seen that look on Mal's face before."

"When?"

"When-" When he had stolen a few glances at her, when he thought she wasn't looking. When she had still been on Serenity and too scared and stubborn to say that she knew exactly how Mal felt about her, because she felt it too. Kaylee was expecting an answer. "A few times," she said coolly.

"When you were here?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Inara said kindly, although her tone hinted toward a touch of outrage right below the surface.

Kaylee knew better than to try and get into this conversation with Inara. Besides, she had a lot to think about. Mal and Simon... together? She never would have thought of it. Even know, she didn't know if she could believe it. Of course it wasn't impossible, it just seemed real improbable. Not to mention it put a small dent in her ego. "Mal and Simon," she said, perplexed. "I just... wow."

"Wel, maybe I'm wrong. It just seemed obvious to me."

"Yeah..." Maybe it was obvious and she had just missed all the signs. Or maybe, since Inara was trained to deal with emotions and secrecy, she knew how to spot it better.

But it bothered her. It bothered her so much that she even told Jayne when they went to bed, although she knew he wouldn't take it as well as she did. Surprisingly, though, he didn't seem all too concerned. "So?" he grumbled sleepily.

"Don't that seem odd to you?"

"Don't matter to me, much. Long as neither of 'em tries to get into bed with me, think I'm just fine."

"It just bothers me."

"Why?"

"I dunno, just does."

Jayne rolled over, forcing himself to wake up some. "Your shorts are all twisted because you had a thing with Simon an' now he's all sly for men."

"That's not it!"

"No?"

"No," she protested, although he had really hit it right on. Of course it bothered her. Shouldn't it? "Well, maybe a bit. But wouldn't it bother you if I all a sudden started wanting girls?"

Jayne smirked like the devil, for which Kaylee promptly smacked him with a pillow. "Sorry," he chuckled, "I'm a man. Little Kaylee kissing another woman gets a different reaction than Mal kissin the doctor." As Kaylee gave him her patented 'Gimme a break' look, he pulled her close and kissed her forehead. "Love you," he said seriously.

"I know that. Doesn't make you any less a pain in my side."

"Don't be all jealous cuz a Simon, kay?"

"Jealous? What makes you think I'm jealous?" He shrugged and rolled over. "I don't still like Simon. You know that, Jayne, don't you?"

"Mmm."

"Jayne?"

"Yes, I know that."

Kaylee laid beide him, kissed the back of his neck and cuddled in close. "Now you have to believe it, and we'll be all set."

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"Who in the hell is paging to come on board at this hour?" Mal spat, buttoning his shirt. The same shirt he had worn the day before. He stopped griping as soon as he head Inara's voice crackle through.

"Mal?" she called hesitantly.

Zoe and River, the only other people who'd gotten up, looked at Mal expectantly. He wiped the tired off his scruffy face and contemplated. Then he looked at Zoe. "Let her in," he decided, rushing to greet Inara.

She stepped onto Serenity with two large silk suitcases and a hand woven bag on her shoulder. She looked less elegant than Mal had ever seen her. Don't be mistaken, her clothes and hair were well prepared and her posture proud and perfect. It was all in her eyes, though. Mal noticed most every emotion in those beautiful eyes, and right now she looked like a lost child who wanted to come home. She looked so different from normal, in fact, that Mal didn't have the heart to make any snide comments.

"What calls for this?" he asked.

"I was just... I have a business proposition, as it were."

"Business, eh?" He looked her once over, at the bags and her faded smile and sad eyes. "Okay."

"I need to buy passage on your ship."

"To where?"

A tiny tear slid down her smooth cheek. "I don't care."

"Ah... sure, come on board." He took the two suitcases on the floor and walked behind her, giving Zoe a 'I dunno' look. "You can stay in Kaylee's old room."

"Thank you, Captain." She held her head high, shoulders back and small teardrops gliding down her face.

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Kaylee touched Inara's shoulder gently, rubbing it just a bit. She was trying not to cry, but being pregnant (and really, just being Kaylee) was making it hard. "Oh, Inara," she sighed tragically. "That's terrible."

"It's not terrible," she said bravely. "It was immature and it only proves I made the right decision."

"Still," Kaylee protested, "it's so terribly romantic. Like a bad novel by Casey Mantell. A knight falls in love with you, and you turn down his marriage proposal so he sends you away."

"He didn't send me away, I chose to go." She was unpacking her things. Kaylee's room wasn't nearly as elegant as her old living accomodations had been, but she didn't intend to stay long. Did she? "He just decided to make my staying very difficult."

"Did he really say 'get out of here, whore'?"

"Not in so many words."

"Then why-"

"All of my clients suddenly declined my services in the matter of a day. He made it very clear that my remaining here would be a poor decision."

"Oh, Inara... that _is_ tragic."

"Maybe a bit."

Kaylee wiped her eyes. "Where will you go?"

"I haven't decided yet. But I will probably move somewhere closer to The Core."

"Oh." Kaylee never cared much for the Core planets, but then again she wasn't a graceful companion who needed something more sophisticated from life. "It's real nice having you here, Inara. I really missed you. Everyone did."

"I'm sure not _everyone_."

"Well, Jayne wouldn't say one way or another, but I'm sure he does. Even the Captain, though he wouldn't ever say either."

Inara pursed her lips, but didn't say anything. She had done enough thinking about Malcolm Reynolds for one lifetime. All last night, deep into the early morning light, all the way walking to the ship, the ten minutes it had taken her to call for passage onto the ship. Too much.

"It's a good thing we stayed docked here for the night, isn't it? You might have be stuck here from the sound of the way this guy was treating you. Probably have stopped anyone from giving you a ride anywhere."

"Yes." She hadn't thought of that. That also made the possibility that this man would follow her and try and sabatoge Serenity became very real. It frightened her. This man whom she had thought she'd know, she didn't at all. "I'm famished. Shall we get ourselves to breakfast?"

"Absolutely."

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River Tam walked around the ship, fascinated by all the foliage surrounding her. Her fingertips touched the spry leaves cautiously. Who knew if one of them was a gun, or perhaps a lever she was best not touching? Reaching out to snap a twig from a branch might mean reaching out and snapping Kaylee's arm. But still, they were startlingly white and _so_ interesting.

"River?" Simon called down.

"Can't hear you," she whispered. "Interested."

"River!" he called louder, peering through the cargo trying to see her. He rolled his eyes when he caught her eye peering out at him. "I can see you, beibei."

"Snow White is lost in the forest," she informed him. The bark was scratching her arms. One thing she could credit her craziness, it was damn vivid and detailed. "She is looking for the cottage."

"I doubt you'll find a cottage in there, but you certainly are lost in the woods. Come on out, dinner is almost ready." He turned to go. "Oh, and bring Forrest."

"Forrest?"

The little boy came sprinting at her from far off. "River!" he declared, having found her. "Look at the trees!"

"Trees?" She looked around, trees completely surrounding her. She had been asleep when they'd made the stop to pick up the cargo. Was this an actual forest? It seemed to be. "Why?" she asked the boy.

"Uh... trees for a desert planet. So they can breathe. Ever see so many white trees, River?"

"No," she told him, although she had in her dreams. In those dreams all the trees were white because there were no colors. They had all been medicated out of her.

"I'm hungry."

"Go eat."

"Will you come with me?"

Would she? More importantly, could she? Could Snow White get out of this forest? Wouldn't there be a wicked queen waiting for her? All the whiteness and green leaves were starting to scare her. But beside her was a short little man, one of six? Seven? He was holding out his hand and smiling. He wanted to help her. "I'm lost," she told him, wanting to cry. He couldn't help her. No one had been able to yet.  
"Not me," he said confidently. His tiny hand gripped hers tightly. "I know the way!" He started pulling her, weaving in and out of thin birch trees, ducking branches and jumping pots and roots. She was pulled helplessly. Tiny sprigs whiped in her face and tangled in her hair. It hurt, it stung, but she was so ready to get out of this forest and find the clearing that awaited them. The boy said he knew where they were going, so she could only trust him.

She tripped on the bottom stair.

"Watch out," Forrest warned her. "Don't fall down the stairs."

"We're out," she said, amazed.

"Told you I knew how to get out."

"You did." There they were, white and terrifying. But all behind her. "Home," she said, for the first time realizing the weight of her words.

"Yes," Forrest said soberly. "We're home. All of us."

"Not all of us."

"No, not daddy. But you are."

"I am." She smiled, and she understood. "I am."


	15. Chapter 15

disclaimer: I do not own the Firefly universe or its affiliates.

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Inara was smirking that beautiful, gracefully secret smirk that only she could smirk. It was elegant, ladylike and it made Mal a happy man to see it. "I like your forest," she informed him. "It's very... white."

"Well, sure. All they wanted were birch trees for some odd, dumb reason. Looks nice, I guess. Long as we get paid, dont matter to me."

"Of course." Her eyes danced across the impromptu forest that littered his cargo area. She wrapped her sheer shawl around her shoulders. The trees reminded her of a beautiful grove she had seen in a winter once when she was fifteen. Everything was white and startling and very, very cold. She was a bit chilly just thinking about it, but what a wonderfully beautiful night it had been.

"You cold?" Mal asked, interrupting her thoughts.

"No, I'm just thinking about the trees."

"Hmm." He watched her. She was a beautiful creature, there was no doubt in that. This beauty had driven him crazy a whole lot of nights. Right now, actually, he was thinking about it more than he cared to. Since she had come on the ship sveral days before, since her fiance had driven her out and scared her, she looked like someone very different than he had even known. She was quite young now, small and weak. Inara had never been weak. "Wanna get lost in the woods?"

"What?" she smiled.

"River was doing it all last night. Her and Forrest. She runs into the trees, he finds her and pulls her out. Keeps calling her Snow White."

"That's sweet."

"Weird, you ask me."

"Don't believe I did."

Mal made a face. "You wanna get lost or what?" He grabbed her hand and pulled her along. There were at least, as far as Jayne had been forced to count, one hundred and four trees packed into the cargo area. Each pot touched base to base. Not much room was left to walk on the floor, but Mal wove in and out until both he and Inara were good and lost. Well, as lost as one could get in the cargo area. Truth be told, if they just looked up they would see the catwalk and anyone standing up there would be able to spot them easily enough as well. But for the moment, they could be lost.

"They're not very tall," Inara said skeptically, trying to ignore that Mal still had her hand in his.

"Nah," he agreed. "They gotta be small enough to transport, I guess. Gotta send Kaylee out here soon enough, specific orders on waterin' 'em an' such."

"They're prone to disease. Birch trees, I mean."

"Are they?"

"Yes."

"Fascinating."

Inara pulled her hand gently out of Mal's. "You haven't started an argument with me since I've been here."

"Me? Let me inform you, I don't usually start 'em anyway, you do."

"Regardless," she said, relishing that an argument had just begun, "you've been something that resembles pleasant. Almost downright gentile."

"Can start cussin you out, if you like."

"I was merely curious as to why you're treating me differently. I'm not someone you're doing a favor for, I do intend to pay you for passage so you may treat me as you always have."

"Thought you didn't like bein called a whore."

"I don't. I dislike more being given sympathy kindness, especially when I don't need it. Least of all from you." She tossed her hair haughtily. One thing she never tolerated was pity, and never from someone like Malcolm Reynolds. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction of having this above her head for the rest of her life.

"From me? I ain't been givin you pity! What, I can't treat you like a little nicer after somethin bad's happened and not be pitying you?"

"That's exactly what pity _is_, Mal. Treating someone nicer than they deserve just because of something undesirable."

Mal rubbed his palm to his forehead, frustrated. "I coulda said no. Coulda left you behind, stuck on that damn planet with some crazy knight keeping you in his cage for the rest of your life. But I didn't, I was nice. You didn't seem to have any complaints to _that_ bit of kindness."

"If you did that out of sympathy," she started, throwing her shoulders back, "or anything resembling that then you should not have bothered."

"You want me to take you back?" He stared at her, hard. Her eyes darted away. "Didn't think so."

"You're insufferable," she muttered.

"Da diao," he retorted. "If I remember your _exact_ phrasing."

"Charming," she said sarcastically. "Shi yi."

"_Chi shi._"

Inara rolled her eyes. "I'd forgotten how delightfully crude you are."

"Got no one to impress."

"Clearly."

"You just said not a moment ago you wanted to be treated like normal. I can put you to work like a crew member, if that's what you'd like."

"Thank you, no."

"Then damn, woman, what in the hell _do_ you want?"

And before she knew it, she was kissing him. It had happened a bit too suddenly than planned, although she had been planning on doing as such. Because she had to know. Was this the same man she had left, had denied, all that time ago? How much had he changed? Many things had changed inside her, but one thing was constant- he was the man that stirred her from her sleep some nights, and when her hand found the empty space beside her where she wished his body lay, it broke her heart a small piece.

The woman had just... _flung_ herself on him. What else could he do but catch? She fit in his arms so well, her tiny wait presed against him, her raspbery lips soft and determined. His head was swimming. Was this real? He'd dreamed it a few times, but it had never been remotely possible in reality. Yet here he was, and there she was, right where she shouldn't be. Well holy hell, they were kissing in the damn cargo bay amongst a bunch of damn trees. It was sorta resembling something like romantic. Still, lost in white trees was a bit more pleasant than having your stitches ripped out in a dank infirmary.

Simon.

Mal snapped his head back, a few spiny branches poking into his face from all sides. He rubbed his cheeks where they'd scratched him. Inara stumbled forward a few steps, obviously not expecting such an abrupt disconnection. Her experssion was blank, as she'd obviously laid all her cards on the table already. It was Mal's time to call a shot. He stepped into her space and kissed her mouth. It felt so invigorating, a release of pressure after a long, long period of stasis.

"Captain, you- oh."

Again, Mal pulled away quickly, only this time there was more than shock behind it. Big, heaping spoonfuls of guilt were piled on high. Simon stood over them, his hands gripping the railing loosely. He looked both surprised and yet, not disbelieving. "Zoe was looking for you," he said casually, his eyes venomous, "but I can see you're busy. Sorry to interrupt." He turned and left, not looking back once.

"Ta ma de," Mal said dully.

"I'm sorry, Mal," Inara said softly.

"Weren't your fault," he said awkwardly. Please, God, if you listen to anything ever like Wash always said you did, don't be letting him tell everyone.

"It was," she continued. "I knew about... you and Simon."

"What?" he snapped, a new level of fear and discomfort on the rise.

"I knew."

"Ain't nothin to know, so I don't-"

"Mal, don't bother. I read you too well. I know that look."

"What look? You don't know nothing."

"I've seen it before. The look in your eyes when you talk about him, because you used to... sometimes... when you looked at me, you'd... it'd be the same."

"No."

"Stop it, Mal. It won't kill you to feel something."

He rubbed his right eye with the heel of his hand, trying to figure something out. "Why?" he said finally. "I ain't admitting nothing, but if you thought so... why?"

"I needed to see."

"See what?"

"If you really were lost from me forever."

"Hell, woman..." He turned away from her. Talking with her, having actual conversation that had some kind of substance, was damn tough. "You know, you had a real good long time to say something about this."

"So did you. But you didn't."

"I never-"

"Liar."

"Who the hell are you to tell me-"

"Goodness sake, Mal, are you really going to stand here and argue with me about why neither of us did anything about what could have been, or are you going to go get Simon and make this right?"

"I'm gonna leave, if that answers anything."

She watched him walk away, bewildered. "How many times can you make the same mistake, Mal?"

"Let you back on my ship, didn't I? Apparently at least twice."

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Instead of following Simon, like one might hope or expect, Mal stalked back to his bedroom. To hell with Zoe or whatever she wanted. Couldn't have been that important anyway.

Simon decided now was as good a time as any to rearrange his medical instruments. 'Rearrage' meaning stab at things like gauze pads with very sharp scalpels. The same scalpel that he'd cut Mal with in the Alliance hospital. Maybe he should have let him bleed to death. Damn him. Simon knew all about Inara, just like everyone else on board knew. She and Mal had been crazy about one another but too proud and too stupid to do anything about it. And now that she was back, and someone had made the first move (Mal, no doubt, that was just Simon's luck) it seemed almost natural that they would become something more than bickering crew mates. Damn it. God damn it. He wished Wash were here, for many reasons but right now just so he could send a direct and angry message to God. So, he wondered, what had the other night meant? What night, Tam my man? Oh, nothing. Just the night I spent the night _in his fucking room_ and we were fucking _all over each other_ like fucking _outer rim whores_ on fucking _Alliance businessmen_! That night, the night right before Inara had shown up and now everything was fucked. Simon wasn't a man who swore often. Not out loud, anyway.

It was just so frustrating. She had left, and Simon thought- like a moron, actually though- that there was something between him and Mal. So what had it been? Mere curiousity? Had Mal just had a passing fancy? Or was it because he, Simon, was the only other person on board who had the sophistication that Inara had, and Mal only wanted someone like that? Could he really be so shallow? Sure, why the hell not. At the moment, Simon would have believed if someone had told him Mal molested school children in his spare time. Sure, why not. It wasn't fair. Inara came back like a drink of water after a long, hot desert, and Mal would completely fall for her again and that'd be that. She would win because, well... because she was a woman and Mal didn't like men. Simon didn't like men. This was obviously divine intervention telling him he was acting foolishly. What was he thinking, falling for the captain? Falling for him? Oh, ta ma dae, if those words had even entered the equation, there was something to think about. He was done thinking about Mal.

But Gad damn it, it just wasn't fair.

"Shut up!" River schreeched from across the hall. "Trying to sleep and you think too loud!"

"Sorry," he called back, flushing a little despite himself. Then he muttered "Bite me."

"I bite hard," she warned irritably.

"I know." He remembered once when they were kids and he had bid her just the same invitation, and then she had taken him up on it. And he had the scar until he was nineteen. But she was trying to rest, and she needed rest so maybe it would be best for him to go think elsewhere. Besides, anyone could walk in on him stabbing and flinging things, and how would he explain it to them?

Irony was, the only place he could think to go was the forest of birch trees in the cargo bay. SO he went, hoping that Inara and Mal had decided to leave. They had. Good. Simon hadn't sat on the floor in the midst of a bunch of trees since he was five and a half years old, but there was a nice little spot in the middle of everything and he started to relax. Even looking down from where he had been standing when he had found Mal and Inara, he didn't think anyone could see him. Leaning back against a thin trunk of pure white, Simon Tam closed his eyes and reached something next to meditation.

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Zoe knew Mal was pig headed. She knew better than anyone, including Mal himself. But this was ridiculous. "Sir," she said testily, "you are being irrational."

"Nah, I'm good."

"You're dripping all over my bridge."

"Your bridge? Since when?"

"Fine, sir. River's bridge."

Mal rolled his eyes, cradling his hand. "My ship and I'll bleed on it if I want to."

"I don't understand. Why don't you just go get it stitched? I know you hated them before, but wasn't it real convenient not to bleed to death?"

"They itched." _Come on, man, gotta have a better reason than that._ Zoe was giving him that hard, 'You're being retarded but you're the captain so I can't tell you what a moron you are' look. "Fine," he conceded, "I'm going." But he was getting real sick of women always knowing what to do to make him act how they wanted. _Real_ sick.

Simon wasn't in the infirmary, so he went cross the hall and pounded on the door. The way he figured it, best way to deal with the doc right now would be to ignore everything. It had never worked in the past, so it was bound to work at some point. Why not now? "Tam!" he yelled. "Why the hell do I have a medic on board if he always turns up missing?"

River's door flung open. "Not here," she said gruffly. "He went someplace to think away from me."

"Oh. You don't perchance know where that someplace is?"

"Yes, I do."

"Care to share?"

"Not to you, captain. Best let him be for a bit. Why'd you do that to your hand?"

"Obviously, it wasn't on purpose." The blood made lovely _drip, drips_ onto the steel floor. "Can you just tell me where he is so I can get stitched and go?"

"No. I'll do it."

"No, thanks. Make it a habit of not lettin unstable girls handle needles in my skin."

"_GO!"_ She commanded, and startled, Mal did go. He sat himself on the infirmary table and held onto his poor hand. _You know,_ he thought, _I'm getting damn sick-_

"Of women telling you what to do," River finished for him, feeling no sympathy whatsoever. "Hold out your hand."

She was gently while touching his fingers, turning his wrist to see how it bent. There was a lovely gash running along his wrist from where the copper wire had both sliced and electrocuted him. Mal should not have been allowed near all the wiring while in such a foul mood. He loved Serenity dearly, but when his head wasn't on right he'd be the first to kill her. "Won't infect," she informed him, grabbing a bottle of chemical skin adhesive generally used for major surgery and corpses. "Don't need stitches."

"That stuff safe?"

"Safe as anything, when done right."

"Will it itch?"

"It'll burn for a few hours."

"What?"

She poured it on and Lordy, it burned. But Mal grit his teeth and beared it, actually glad River was doing this and not her brother. Might have overdosed on it just to be spiteful.

"Don't move it for half an hour, don't get it wet for two days, don't pick at it."

Mal nodded. "Can do."

"No," she said, reading thoughts Mal wasn't even aware he was having, "I won't replace Simon for you."

Mal could only smirk. Sometimes it made him crazy, but sometimes she was just too much. "Well, Forrest seems to be a pretty good pilot, so why not?"

"No." She gave him a look, and it reminded Mal of a regular teenage girl and his heart broke for her a little bit. Sometimes she could be so... _normal_, and that was when it was hard to take her.

"Well," he said, faking defeat, "can't say I didn't try."

"You didn't."

"No?"

"No. You're standing here with me instead of going to see Simon."

"Oh, lay off me, would you? Don't need _you_ telling me what I'm doing wrong now."

"Got enough women bossing you around?"

"Quite enough."

"Even Serenity has her say."

"Heh, yeah. Serenity has final say, all times."

River put away her supplies, her hair draping to and fro over her shoulders and cheeks. "Must be a nice change, having a man who doesn't try and control you all the time. Almost scared of you sometimes, which is good, for you, since you like controlling everything."

"I do not."

"You missed the point."

"Chose to ignore." He shook his hand gently, trying to ease the burn a bit. It was that satisfying kind of burn that let you knew medicine was working, like steam clearing the sinuses. "I ain't controlling, I just like bein in charge of my own ship. That seems fair to me."

"Of course."

"You don't think so?"

"I didn't say that."

"So I'm right?" She shrugged indifferently. "So I'm wrong?" Again, he received a shrug. "You know," he said irritably, "I don't need this."

"Don't move your hand."

"It burns!" he snapped.

"It'll tear if you keep doing that and then you'll have something to complain about."

"I ain't complaining."

River tossed her hair, her expression changing. "I'm hungry." She skipped out of the room, calling over her shoulder something that resembled "Lost in the forest."  
Mal watched her go, confused as always but also as always, knowing he should probably listen to more than what she was saying. "Where's Simon?" he yelled after her.

"Ask Snow White!" was her coy reply.

"I just did," he grumbled, stalking off toward the cargo area. As he looked down over the trees, searching for Simon, a thought came to him. Maybe he should stop listening to all the women on board. What the hell did they know, anyway? Aside from Zoe, he'd met very few women who could hold their own as well as most men he knew. And besides, what did they know about relationships? Zoe had married Wash (no offense, but honestly, the man played with dinosaurs), Kaylee had chased after someone she had nothing in common with and _now_ she was with Jayne (which, no offense... well, there weren't nothing non offensive he could much say about Jayne), and River couldn't even decipher between reality and her own messed up head. It had always been a policy to Mal that if something weren't broke, don't go fixing it, and if something can be ignored and still run smooth than ignoring it is the best way to fly. He couldn't see Simon anyway so he decided to leave and leave well enough alone. Maybe now, finally, things could go back to how they were.

Far in the back of the trees, Simon sat still with his eyes closed, completely unaware that Mal had even been there.


	16. Chapter 16

disclaimer: all stuff and things (save the plot) not mine.

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Four long, tense, up and down months passed. Kaylee grew bigger (as pregnant women should), River got a little better and a little worse every day, and everyone got sick, got hurt, healed and went on their way. Four long months of ignoring things, smiling when you didn't want to, and finding out one sudden day that smile wasn't as fake as you'd thought it would be. Life was becoming what it had been over a year ago. Inara stayed on board as Kaylee's midwife of sorts. But everyone knew why she really stayed. After her hostile experience with the knight which she never talked about (and no one would ever know exactly how brutal he had been, but suffice it to say she was a scarred woman. 'Rape' and 'death threats' were terms hard for even the most self assured to discuss.), she didn't have the same confident spark that carried her along. She slowly began moving back into her old place, collecting things as they made stops and making a home for herself. It was clear she would not be able to live on a planet alone ever again.

Kaylee was due in a month and five days. She was scared, happy and usually weepy. Some pregnant women were weepy. Kaylee was _weepy_. Any mention of anything sad, overly happy or really anything in between could set her off. River liked to watch her cry with strange fascination. She believed Kaylee needed a pipe inside her fixed or something. There was far too much leakage. At the very least, though, Kaylee could laugh about her foibles and not bite your head off about them (like some moody pregnant women do).  
Mal, who had grown up surrounded by tough old men, hadn't the faintest idea as to what to do with dainty little preggers Kaylee. He knew he should be sensitive. Sensitive to what, though, was another problem. When exactly were they "good tears" and "bad tears"? So to solve this problem, he said nice, encouraging things to her and avoided her much of the time. There were some things he could do for her, as Captain, so he figured that would balance out his karma in the whole 'avoiding her' thing.

Simon Tam was getting drunk this particular night. He had gotten a bottle of whiskey from Jayne (and had been laughed at when asking for it, but no matter) and decided he would drink it. Nothing good or bad had happened that day, except Simon was bored out of his skull and he was curious as to how it would feel to get plastered. He never had been, being too studious and face it, Simon baby, uptight, to drink in college. He took a shallow, hesitant swallow, and gagged. No wonder Jayne had laughed at him. This was truly a man's drink, and it was terrible. He took another sip, gagged again, and remembered whiskey was one of those things you had to either gulp or not drink at all because no one could ever drink it for its taste. Luckily he was already on his bed, shirtless, so when he inevitably passed out he wouldn't have far to go.

Jayne popped his head into Simon's doorway, grinning a triumphant grin. "How's it going?"

"Great," Simon lied, trying to keep his face straight.

Jayne cackled. "Sure, sure it is."

"Passes the time," Simon told him honestly, forcing down more of the vile drink.

"You gonna drink all of that?" His smile was faded a bit.

"Yeah," Simon said confidently, then started laughing. Jayne chuckled along with him. It was great, really great, that the two of them could tolerate one another. Something in Jayne had changed so much (brought on by Kaylee, no doubt) and now he was almost pleasant to be around. "Alcohol poisoning won't set in until I'm too drunk to care, so maybe I can do it."

"You'll be dead before then, guaranteed. Pass out in five minutes, most."

Simon nodded. "You're probably right." He held out the bottle. "Want some?"

"Hells yeah I do," Jayne said immediately, taking three long swigs. Simon tried not to be jealous. Or awe-struck. He was handed the bottle, which looked about a third drained. Damn Jayne.

"Well," the merc said cordially, "good luck on the death by drinking." He turned to go, but came back. "Oh, ah, what should I do in case you, ya know, actually _do_ poison yourself?"

Simon laughed. "I'm sure I won't. But, as a precaution, I guess check in every so often. If I'm passed out, turn me on my side so I don't choke on my own vomit."

Jayne made a grossed out face. "We'll see." Then he took his leave. Once Jayne had gone, Simon took a good long stare at the light brown bottle and dark liquid inside it. Why in the hell was he drinking it? Because he never had before, that's why. And there wasn't anything else to do.

Mal tapped three times on Simon's door about half an hour after he had started his drinking mission. Then he knocked twice. The he let himself in, hoping he wouldn't find the man doing something he ougthn't. He was, but it wasn't as bad as Mal had anticipated. Once inside, Mal stopped, stared, and laughed. Simon was holding the bottle by the neck loosely, like a drunken bum. He had an overall glazed look to him. "Guess I'll come back," Mal said, confused and amused.

"No, Ah'makay," Simon assured him. "Coherent, but not dexteriterous."

"Dexte-what now?" It was really funny seeing his uptight doctor acting loony.

"Dex...dexteriter... motor skills," he concluded, since the word 'dexterous' wasn't working out well for him.

"Ah. Can I ask... why you're drinking... what is that, Jayne's whiskey?"

"Personal mission, sir."

"As it should be."

"Want some?"

"Shouldn't," Mal replied, taking the bottle anyway. It burned nicely as it went down. "That's vile," he said, taking a seat at the foot of Simon's bed.

"Mmm." Mal was sorta blurry, but the room wasn't spinning (yet) so for the moment he _should_ remember whatever they talk about. Then he remembered that he was shirtless and flushed a bit. This was hardly the attire to be wearing for a serious-looking conversation. Of course, one never sat down to a meeting with the boss holding a bottle of whiskey, either. At least, not in any of the meetings he'd ever been to. "So, Cap'n, watchawanatalkabout?"

Mal chuckled, and his unease at Simon's ridiculous (and seminude) state broke. "Wanna ask you something 'bout Kaylee."

"Sure."

"She doin alright? Everything healthy, baby's fine, all that?"

"Sure. Strong one, that girl. Like... a meteor."

Now Mal laughed out loud. "A meteor?"

"Yeah huh. Like one of them meteors that fall into a planet's atmosphere 'an they crumble a bit but leave you a crater five miles wide. That's Kaylee. She can withstand atmosphere."

"Wow, doc. You know, when you're drunk you talk an awful lot like Jayne."

"I do not."

"Sure do. That analogy right there sounds like something he'd say- he means well, but you're not real sure he's grasped what he's actually sayin."

"I know what I'm saying. Kaylee's tough, that's all."

"Okay, I won't argue that."

"So... that it?"

"No, that ain't it. What am I, gonna waste my time and interrupt your special need to drink battery acid for somethin like that?"

Simon shrugged. "Do I get that back now?" he asked, pointing in the general direction of the bottle.

Mal took another drink, reached the bottle out, and hesitated. "Mind if I ask why you're doing this?"

"Personal mission."

"Why?"

"Honestly?"

"Sure."

"Bored outta my skull, captain."

"Well... I could give you a project if-"

"Do I get that back now?"

"Okay." He gave Simon the whiskey bottle and a wary eye. "Got anything on your mind?"

"No, sir, I'm fine. Honestly. I know I'm not normally a big drinker, but this isn't a cry for help, I'm jus' doing something out of the ordinary."

"I'm just concerned is all."

"Don't be. I'm not drinking myself to death over you, so don't worry, okay?"

Mal sat awkwardly for a good thirty seconds until he realized Simon hadn't noticed what he'd just said. And if he had, he didn't seem to care. He just took another sip, gagged again, and took a few deep breaths as though trying not to be sick. "So," Mal continued, clearing his throat, "about Kaylee."

"Yes, Kaylee."

"I wanna dock somewhere when she's in labor."

"Ok."

"Yeah. I know she loves the ship 'an all, but we don't have the facilities for that kind of thing here, do we?"

Simon blinked a few times, his focus on things fading in and out a bit. He was now going to have to concentrate on whatever they talked about. What were they talking about? Kaylee, that's right. And her baby. And delivering it. Now he was up to speed, momentarily. "I know we don't, but a lot of planets on the Rim don't even have hospitals. At least not ones I'm used to working in. I think I can handle this. Besides, there are all those myths about the women hundreds of years ago who'd give birth in the rice fields and go right back on working."

"I didn't say we couldn't do it. Just sayin a ship ain't the best place for it. What if we ran into some Reevers while she's in labor?"

"I delivered that baby for Inara's friend on that speck of dust moon with a wannabe cowboy banging on the door."

"Sure, but she weren't gonna get flung across the room if we hit turbulence."

Simon shook his head, laughing drunkly. "This seems backwards to me. I should be telling you 'We can't do this, Captain' and you should be telling me 'Make it work' and then I do and I hate you for it."

"Why?"

"I dunno, that's just how we work. You always give me ridiculous situations and even though I think you're crazy, it always works. Somehow. You're real amazing like that, you know?"

"Dumb luck," he assured the doctor. "Nothing else."

"No, it's not. You're really something, Mal. Something else." His stomach churned uneasily, so he decided to switch topics. Only thing worse than being so drunk (and therefore vulnerable) in front of the captain was to retch all over him. "So, did you have any place in mind as to where we would stop for Miss Kaylee?"

"Well..." Mal drummed his fingers, something he did on the rare occasions he was having a hard time saying something. "I was thinking, maybe we should head further into The Core. Just to be safe. If something happened to her 'an Joss, I'd just… well, nothing's gonna happen."

"But the hospitals in the Core are usually... those are Alliance hospitals. Most of them are, anyway. You'd have to-" And then it clicked. Simon's eyes narrowed, the way they do when he's discovered something completely by accident. "Mal, are you… are you scared for her?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," he said quickly. "It's just very… endearing." He was staring to lose the whiskey buzz and keep the sickness that followed. One thing Simon learned about himself that night- while he was a cheap drunk, he didn't stay it for too long. He did, however, hang on to the nausea for a bit. This wasn't whiskey sickness, though. This was lingering attraction sickness that no amount of booze could cure. He couldn't look Mal in the eye, but if he had bothered to try he would've seen mal having a similar problem.

"Uh, well," Mal was saying awkwardly, "I'd feel bad if something happened."

"Of course." They nodded at one another stupidly.

"She seems happy Inara stayed on board," Mal said after a while.

"Yeah. She seems really different though, doesn't she? Inara, I mean. She's a lot more… I don't know, subdued. You two don't fight as often, which I guess is good."

"Nah, that ain't good. She just don't seem to have the heart for it anymore, not since she left that knight fella."

"You sure that's it?" Simon's eyes met Mal's briefly, then fell away.

"Why, what do you mean?"

"Well, you two were bickering like usual right up until… until you kissed her."

Mal flushed deeply, and there weren't any hiding it. "What makes you think she didn't kiss me?"

"Did she?"

"The first time, yeah."

"First time?"

_Mayday, mayday, abort conversation._ "Yeah, she made the first move, then I-"

"I honestly don't want to know."

"Then why the hell did you ask?"

"I don't know, I'm… sorry I did."

"Good, then end of conversation." He took the bottle rudely from Simon and had himself a nice long shot. He sputtered a few times as it tried to come back up (really was awful stuff Jayne had) but he overpowered it in the end.

Simon gripped the end of the bed woozily. Damn, the room was spinning a bit on him now and he didn't like it _at all_. "I sure wasn't missing much in school, was I?"

"I wouldn't know."

"I mean with that." He indicated the bottle.

"Oh. Well, to be fair, this ain't the best to start out with anyway. Battery acid, like I said." Despite his statement, he drank again. Yup, good and awkward. Just how he wanted to spend his evening.

"Have any ideas on what planet you want to stop on?"

Oh good, neutral ground. "Yeah, there's this one place I heard of, Corbit."

"No," Simon said instantly.

"No?"

"I have family there. No."

"Okay, no." Curiosity itched at him, and so he scratched. "You ever talk to any of your family since-"

"Not once." He rounded to question on Mal. "What about you?" he asked, helping himself to the alcohol. "Keep in touch with your family?"

Mal smiled sheepishly. "So Kaylee's only got another month ahead of her, right?"

"You're avoiding the subject."

"Outright ignoring it, actually."

"Fair enough." He sipped the whiskey gingerly, like a dainty little woman. Jayne would have laughed at him and it didn't matter. Maybe he was done for the night. "You wanna take this back to Jayne, please? I'm quite done."

"Me too," Mal agreed, having one last swallow. "You don't stay drunk long, do you?"

"How so?"

"When I first came in you were garblin' and slurry, and now you seem to be okay."

"I don't feel any better, but I'll take your word on it." As a matter of fact, he was having a hard time concentrating. This was the stage in being drunk when conscious thought goes away and instinct and impulse begin their terrible reign. So he looked at Mal, who was content with keeping to himself and turning the glass bottle in his rough, well-regulated hands. He looked at Mal's eyes, which were sea glass green at the moment and distant as a vessel in said sea. He looked at the worry worn lines all over Mal's prematurely aged but rather handsome face. And he made a decision. "Mal," he said softly.

"Hmm?"

"I'm going to kiss you now."

"What?" Jayne's whiskey hit the floor with a thud.

"I'm going to kiss you. You don't have to kiss back if you don't want, but I'm going to anyway."

"Uh… no."

"Yeah."

"Well, you can't, cuz I ain't gonna allow it cuz it only complicates-" But what it complicates, he never got to say. Simon's lips were moist and tasted like cheap booze and something else Mal couldn't quite place. It was a flavor unique to Simon alone. He didn't want to reciprocate, honestly, but for some reason he did. Like when he had been in the trees with Inara, something was aching to be released, so release it he did. He took Simon's face in his hands and drew them closer, with forceful anguish. It sure was complicating things for him, yet also making them clear. Like clearly, naked would be_ such_ a good idea right now. He pushed Simon backward onto the bed, his hand running over the doctor's smooth upper body.

"Wow," Simon moaned. This was a different and better kind of drunk feeling.

Mal pulled away slightly. "This ain't a good idea," he whispered, not really meaning it.

"Then stop." He was calling Mal's bluff and he knew it. There had been an intense desire burning between the both of them all night. Hell, it'd been there for the past four months but neither of them wanted to broach the subject. So instead of stopping, Mal kissed him hard, catching him off guard. Simon's hands fumbled over Mal's back, through his hair, down his arms. There wasn't enough contact, there never would be. Mal trailed his lips down Simon's jawline, biting and kissing gently.

"I'm sorry," he whispered stupidly. The mayday call was sounding off in his head, but he ignored it. This was happening tonight. "About Inara, I mean."

"I love you, Mal," Simon blurted. He didn't regret it, though. Not in the long run, anyway.

Mal stopped kissing his chest, but only for a few seconds. "Thanks," he whispered, trying to keep his emotions in check.

"Thanks?" Simon teased. "That's it?"

"Fuck you, doc," Mal said playfully.

Then he did.


	17. Chapter 17

disclaimer: same disclaiming, different day.

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One morning, Wash came to breakfast.

Zoe leapt from her seat and threw her arms around him. He accepted the hug, grimacing in pain but there was no way he was going to make her stop. He understood that she didn't understand at all. Everyone else stared with their mouths agag. Wash looked different, to say the very least. He looked alive. Alive and badly beaten. His wings were still behind him, but a lot of feathers had been singed and torn out. Once wing might have been broken. His skin was scratched and burned, too.

Zoe leaned in close to his ear. "I'm so sorry, baby," she whispered.

"No," he muttered, not really being able to talk well for now. "Don't be."

"I am. I didn't… I want you to stay."

"I plan to, if I can." He pulled gently from his wife's grasp (God it was good to call her that._ His wife._). Zoe lead him to the table and made him sit, too awed to speak again. Boy howdy she could cry, though, so she did. Wash looked at each person sitting at the table and smiled. Finally, the family was home. The only person missing was Shepherd Book, but he'd seen him not three days ago. "Hi," he said at last.

"Wash," Inara gasped, forgetting all manners. She was staring in disbelief.

He grinned in return. "I'm glad you're back. Makes my job easier." He looked at his crew again, terribly happy to be home again.

"Where did you go?" River asked.

Wash waved the question away, not wanting to talk about it for the moment, at the very least. Instead he directed himself to Simon and Mal, who were seated in the corner together. "Congratulations you two, on the… on… well," he finished, "about time."

Mal looked down at his plate, and Simon smiled shyly. "Thanks," he said quietly.

"Hi daddy," Forrest said timidly.

"Hey, there, Forrest." Wash's voice was exhausted and hoarse. "Take care of mom for me?"

"Yeah huh."

"Good boy."

"Oh, Wash!" Kaylee wailed, sobbing her fool heart out. She was clutching Jayne's hand tightly. "We missed you so much."

"I missed you guys too, Kaylee. You look beautiful."

"Thank you."

Jayne sniffled discreetly. "You staying this time?" His voice was controlled, forced. Wash smiled wider. Jayne was going to cry. How hilarious.

"I sure hope so."

"But where did you go?" River pressed.

"I went… away. Very far away." He knew they were all wanting to know, but he really didn't want to talk about it. He would rather forget for the moment.

"End of the verse?" River asked softly.

There was no way he was escaping her questions, and while he would turn to Mal and ask that he silence the new pilot, it was clear everyone else was listening eagerly as well. "Okay," he conceded, taking Simon's glass of water and having a long, cool drink. It tasted flat from being boiled twice. "I went to hell."

"Why?" Zoe asked immediately. "What for?"

"For God. She needed me to go. And actually, that was only the first stop. How long have I been gone?"

"Near five months," Mal said softly.

"Wow." Wash let that sink in a moment. Five months. No wonder Kaylee looked so big. She was due any day now, apparently. "Okay. Well, after the trailer comet caught me, I went into hell with the rest of the souls. I guess I was the limit to their anger, and we all sort of just… imploded on one another, if that makes sense. So we're all in hell, and everything is fiery and mean and dark, but this woman, who I found out later is in fact God herself, comes up to me and starts leading me somewhere."

"What does she look like?" Inara asked breathlessly.

"Big boobs," Forrest informed her.

"Yes," Wash agreed, "she has those. Honestly, Inara, she looks like someone you might see passing on the street. Her clothes were a little funny, very out of style by a good four hundred years, but typical looking all the same. Pierced eyebrow and dyed hair, but nothing else extraordinary. So she takes my hand and then I walk into this light, and I'm in a room that looks sort of like my bedroom from when I was fifteen. There's a big swirled tapestry on the wall and a bed with no frame and the oldest computer I've ever seen in my life. And this girl- because really, God doesn't look all that old, to be honest. She looked twenty five at most. This girl shows me the computer screen and tells me 'This is where I created you'."

"So," Simon interrupted shyly, "the secret to life is an ancient computer?"

"No," Wash chuckled. "But I thought the same thing. So she showed me something she had written in a tiny notebook beside her desk. As it turns out, it was what happened last night in Simon's room, something I didn't need details on, by the way." Mal chuckled, mortified, and Simon blushed a bright crimson. "So," Wash continued, "she told me that there are hundreds, maybe even millions, of dimensions where we all exist. And it all takes place inside her computer, on the Internet. And even though we're all right here, we're also millions of other places doing millions of other things."

"We're here," River said, trying to grasp the concept, "but not?"

"Yes. We're all here, living and breathing and existing, but to some other God, we're someplace else. God showed me a lot of these dimensions, and to be honest I couldn't think straight for a week and a half."

"So, everything we know is wrong?" This was a Kaylee inquiry.

"No. This is complicated, and I'm sorry if it's confusing, but it took me four months just to get it right. I'll explain it best I can. So, God, who calls herself The Sketchywallflowr for the purposes of creation, introduces me to all the worlds and dimensions we're all in. She said there is only one constant world for us, which is shown on some kind of show that I watched about three hours of and then threw up for a while. It was just… terrifying. It was on a screen, right there, everything that I said and Kaylee said, and River said and thought, and now I understand your brain and I'm so, _so_ sorry for you, kiddo. But it was all there. And the constant ended after we discovered Miranda and I died and we tried picking up the pieces. That's where the multidimensions start in strange things called fan fictions. She tried explaining that to me, but I still don't get it."

"Wait a second," Mal interrupted. "So we all exist, right? But not really? I mean, I remember Miranda and you dying and all that, but _after_ that you're saying our memories are fake?"

"No, not fake. Just not all inclusive. After Miranda is where everything anyone in this creation program knows about us ends. After that point, actually right after you tell River about flying, is where all these Gods can create us as they please."

"I don't get it," Jayne said. "And I don't mind sayin so in case I look dumb."

"I don't get it, either," Simon reassured him.

"Okay," Wash said patiently, expecting this. "In our dimension, Kaylee and Jayne are having a baby. In another, they've never even kissed because Kaylee and Simon are still together. And Mal, you and Inara have had children in thousands of other dimensions. And sometimes, Jayne and River are together."

"No!" Simon protested.

"Yes!" Wash retorted, getting caught up in the moment. "And in a lot- a surprising lot, I'm sorry to say, Simon- _you_ and Jayne are together."

"Ah!" both men cried out, flinching.

"No, thanks," Jayne said plainly.

"But that's just it," Wash said. "The Gods get to decide, and we don't know any better! I mean, if some other person told you, Mal, in another dimension that you and Simon were a couple, you might have the same reaction they just had. But here, it makes sense to you because _that's how this God created you_."

"So it's all subjective," River clarified. "It's like we're characters in a book, and lots of other people get to write for the book, so they choose what we do. And for the characters, it's as real as anything can be."

"That's exactly it, River."

"Where am I in other places?" Forrest wanted to know.

"Well, honey, you're not in any other places. You were created just for us."

"Oh." He looked really sad.

"Don't feel too bad," Simon said gently. "At least in some other place you won't end up with Jayne."

"I like Jayne," Kaylee protested.

"In this one dimension I read," Wash told her cheekily, "you like Inara."

"That's odd," she confirmed, but was fascinated all the same.

"I know. In a lot of places, because I died, I don't even exist. But The Sketchywallflowr wrote me in because she wanted you all to know about this."

"Now we know," Mal said. "What the hell do we do about it?"

"Nothing. We don't do a thing but exist as we know how. Because God has written us this way so far, and she's written us a different way before. And, sorry Simon, Jayne and River were having sex through most of it."

"You could do worse," Jayne said to River, smiling cockily.

"That's immoral," she retorted.

"So, baby Joss wasn't real someplace else?" Kaylee asked timidly.

"No. But he is now, so be happy about that."

"I will," she decided.

"This is a hell of a thing to wrap our heads around," Zoe said, wiping her eyes. "Why are you telling us this?"

"You wanna know the real reason, or something that will suffice?"

"…_Do_ I want to know the real reason?"

"Well, to suffice I would tell you because God just wrote it that way and I'm doing whatever she tells me to do. Is she wanted, she could make someone do something totally random and out of character."

Simon punched River in the arm. "Ow!" she cried, hitting him back out of pure reaction. She knocked him to the floor. Simon climbed back in his chair, holding his swollen jaw.

"Like that?" he said moodily.

"Yes," Wash said, trying his hardest not to laugh, "just like that."

"So, what's the real reason?" Zoe wanted to know.

"The real reason is… don't be alarmed-"

"I tend to get alarmed when people say that," Mal added.

"-but the real reason is that there are lots of people seeing what we're doing right now, and God wanted them to know about it."

"Who's watching us?" River cried out.

"No, calm down, no one is directly watching us. Not really. Well, that's not true. The other Gods who've created other dimensions for us look in on other Gods' creations and see what they've done. It's really fascinating, once you're grasped the concept that you're a million peoples' pawn."

"So," Jayne said, starting to grasp something, "God really _is_ the reason things keep fucking up."

"Yep."

"Now we all know who to blame."

"Great, isn't it? On the one hand, we have no free will. But we don't know that, most of the time. On the other, we can't screw anything up because God is the one making us do it, and therefore-"

"She'll fix it?"

"Exactly."

"All right!" Jayne bit into his long forgotten bacon strip. "I could get used to this. Tell her to pay us more."

"I don't like bein' dictated," Mal protested.

"I don't like hitting my sister," Simon shot back. "But I sure didn't have a choice."

"Well I love Jayne," Kaylee said pleasantly. "And I love Wash, and everyone else. I love all of you and I'm really happy we're all together, even if it is only in this dimension."

"Amen," said Forrest.

Mal turned to Simon, now that everyone had resumed their own conversations and eating. "I love you," he said in a low voice. "And I think I decided to say that, not God."

Simon smiled. "Doesn't matter either way."

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The End.


End file.
